Four weeks ago Anna Hitchings bravely told her story and the stories of women like her who are in their 30s and can’t find one good marriageable man in For want of a lot of good men. Not everyone was sympathetic to her plight, and some on the internet even suggested that Hitchings herself may have played a role in her predicament. Hitchings has since created a blog and set the record straight.
All of this has inspired one of my readers, and at my urging he is starting his own blog and agreed to write a guest post (below) introducing himself and his blog. His name is Dana and he is part of a growing trend; Dana is 32 years old and has never worked a day in his life.
——————– Begin Guest Post by Dana Hitchings ——————–
Hello Dalrock readers. My name is Dana Hitchings, and despite recently turning 32, I’ve never held a job. As you can imagine, when I tell working people this I’m constantly told that my problem is some combination of three things:
- I haven’t really been seriously looking for work.
- My expectations are too high (I’m too picky).
- I haven’t made myself attractive to prospective employers.
But none of these are true. I know this because I’ve spoken at length with men my age and older who have never worked, and all of us are adamant that none of the three apply to us. Some have accused me of having a blind spot in this regard, but I’m very good at seeing other people’s blind spots; surely it would be even easier to spot my own!
The real problem is not me, it is employers. I could write a book about all of the mistakes I see them making. Over and over again, I see them hiring people who aren’t nearly as great as I am and going about their business. Laughably, these employers have no idea how stupid they are being as they foolishly give these men raises and even promotions. They have no idea they failed to locate the absolute best employee for the job, me. They are totally oblivious!
This brings me to the first of two reasons I have decided to start my blog. With all of my years of experience, I know what employers need to learn about hiring. Granted, I don’t know as much as some other older bloggers in the field, but I’ll be able to leverage the wisdom of these older bloggers while providing a fresh, energetic perspective. I’ll be writing regular articles offering employers effective, practical advice on how to hire me.
As I mentioned, I’m actually on the younger side when it comes to this field, and I owe a great debt to the men who came before me who got me to where I am today. Now I want to pay it forward, and teach young men in their teens and twenties, and even early 30’s how to hold out for the best job possible. This is the second reason I’m starting my blog.
For example, Wendell Griffith has forgotten more about not finding a job than I’ll probably ever learn. Wendell is 55 and has never worked a day in his life. Now that is experience! He is a source of great inspiration to me. At times I’ve felt tempted to lower my standards and accept the real life jobs that are all around me, but then Wendell reminds me that I am a prize to be won, and that God will send me His perfect job in His time! If Wendell can be patient at 55, surely I can be faithful in my season of unemployedness.
Another mentor I hope to emulate is Randy Hale. Randy just turned 40 and has never had a job. Yet Randy has dedicated his life to inspiring others to be just like him. Randy has been writing books on being unemployed since he was in his early 30s, and his expertise in this area really shows. As Randy explains, the secret to a great career is having a truly excellent unemployed life!
I’d be remiss if I left out Leo Anderson. Leo is 47 and still looking for work. He has so much experience being unemployed that he now runs a ministry focused on helping young Christian men and women find jobs. His enthusiasm is boundless!
Lastly, while he’s a few years younger than me I want to give a shout out to Alistair Rowe. Alistair has a degree from Harvard Business, but still hasn’t been hired at age 30. Granted, being only 30 makes him a bit young to be an expert on not finding a job. But what he lacks in experience, he makes up in passion! Alistair makes regular passionate youtube videos that inspire me and countless other men to stop worrying that we are doing something wrong. As he reminds us, God is preparing us for the job He has prepared for us. You can’t rush these things, as they will happen in God’s perfect timing.
Meanwhile, this story is spreading about how marriage is great for men and how women will be happier without a husband and kids:
It’s nonsense, but it fits the narrative.
All the best to Dana on his job search. Employers are pigs (all they want is one thing), but with enough patience I’m sure Dana will find the one-in-a-million that he deserves. May his blog inspire the other 3.5 billion women on the planet to also find a one-in-a-million man.
*May HITCHINGS’ blog…
This may be your best yet!
[D: Thank you.]
Where have all the good employers gone?
They probably won’t engage with you on this unless their cognitive dissonance is dialed to 11, and this is what i come here to see. This is .999 fine hammer forged kryptonite dropped from orbit. I love this post, and look forwardto more rhetorical guttings, defenestrations, and spartan kicks
Go read her friends defense on theamericanconservative. Some of the comments are gold.
One anonymous commenter wrote
Don’t call me shallow. I have perfectly reasonable standards. I am baffled, and I just do not understand, why I can’t find a wife.
I only want a woman in her low-20s, with an insatiable appetite for sexual activity, curves in all the right places but with low overall body fat, a traditional woman who is willing to bear children and submit to male authority but who is also worldly, sophisticated, impeccably graceful, and socially adept by my standards, preferably a trained violinist and a ballet dancer who speaks, at a minimum, 3 languages in addition than English.
Women who are reasonably pretty, accomplished, kind and honest but who feel that I have unreasonable sexual demands need not apply.
My friends and I all agree it is a problem there are not too many good women out there.
I just wanted to copy and paste this comment from the blog. I thought it was spot on, sensitive, and objective. I think one of her good points is that women, as a whole, are responsible for a lot of the damage done to the courtship process, but as she points out, there are women who are not directly to blame as they are not a part of the “hook-up” culture. However, as she points out regardless of whether or not you are responsible, it is still going to be your responsibility to make the changes.
Anna, as a fellow Catholic woman who’s been watching the social decay for decades now, I thought I would offer my thoughts on what you’ve written.
One of the reasons you’ve elicited such a strong negative response from a certain segment of the Internet (specifically, the manosphere), is that there appears to be a hole in your analysis of the current situation. The current state of things is not a mystery. It is the inevitable conclusion of feminism. It is, in reality, a state that women have brought on themselves. The failure of women to confront this is something that even the Christian end of the manosphere doesn’t typically like. They call our inability to see our own failings, mistakes, sins, and hubris the “rationalization hamster”. I see less of that in your post than a man might, but I do understand how hard it is to face.
Now that is not to say that you, not I, or any other individual woman, is solely responsible for the dire state of the sexual marketplace in the West. I do believe that we have all, as individuals, made decisions that have contributed to our own problems. Honest mistakes, perhaps, uninformed mistakes, sometime, but mistakes are still the result of decisions.
This isn’t intended to be a lecture. I’m 33 and only got married this year, so I know what you’re going through. I consider myself extremely lucky to have found a fellow Catholic man who was single, who wants children and who attends church regularly. It is extremely hard to find these guys. But you have to have some awareness of why the dating waters have gotten so choppy if you want to have a hope of navigating them.
Again, this is a female problem. Putting careers and bosses ahead of finding a husband and starting a family. Rampant porn consumption (by this I mean literary erotica) in the female sphere that leads to warped expectations and unrealistic ideas about relationships. Widespread contraceptive use and promiscuity. Continual degradation of men, male spaces, masculinity, and so on. Not every woman has done/participated in all of these things, of course, but no one woman has to do all. It’s bigger than any one of us. It is something women as a group have done collectively.
The effect of the culture on most men in our generation has been profound. They’ve dropped out of dating, out of church, out of civic society. They’re demoralized, and many have concluded it no longer matters. What reason have we given them to stay interested in us?
It’s on us to call out what other women are doing. It’s time to start shaming unacceptable behavior. It’s time to set higher standards for ourselves. It’s time to teach girls that not being serious about marriage and family at 22 will leave you alone in your 30s.
But that’s the culture, and this is deeply personal. Reality hurts. You’re living it. I’ve lived it. It took me eight years to find my husband, and that wasn’t for lack of trying. I don’t know your story, but I do know mine and I know I made choices that contributed to where I am. I suspect you’re the same. But let me just say, nothing gets better until you take an honest accounting of yourself and make the changes that need to be made.
For me, that was getting out of the military and working hard on finding, developing, and keeping a relationship. I sacrificed a lot. It came at the cost of better paying jobs, of using my degree, of having all those cute things that the magazines want to sell us. I might not be able to have kids at my age. But I have the chance now, and that’s worth everything.
It might not be your fault, nor mine, but we’ve been saddled with the consequences nonetheless. We can’t control the culture, but we can stop being shocked by it. Other women have ruined the system that sustained our sex for thousands of years. Any one of us who wants a traditional life has to work extra hard. But how can you do it if you don’t realize you need to?
That’s the criticism you’re getting.
It won’t become easier for the next generation of women like Anna Hitchings. They’ll talk about the good old days when women’s only competition was porn.
“Forming romantic and sexual relationships with robots ‘will be widespread by 2050”
My mother is a divorcee but seemingly nothing can stop her from a need to counsel other Christian young women on how to do relationships right. I’ve told her she shouldn’t, to no avail. She didn’t listen to my father; I’ve got no chance of scaling that solipsistic wall.
The post is hilarious. And most damning of women like my mother who failed but still feel the need to offer advice when they should embrace humility and silence.
A great career example is Keith Keller.
His employer wasn’t really listening to his requests until one day he smashed all the company’s printers.
An employer who interviewed Mr. Hitchings attempted to share their perspective but were told to shut up since this doesn’t concern them.
Sounds like he was just speaking God’s truth to his employer with a godly temper tantrum. Truly a spiritual giant in the American workforce.
If he ever does find a job, after 10 years he’ll quit and take half the company’s asses with him.
If he ever does find a job, after 10 years he’ll quit and take half the company’s asses with him.
You are underselling. Remember that Dana still gets his paycheck even though services are no longer being provided (and perhaps are being provided for free to another employer).
It is far more than just assets that Dana can get.
What I found hilarious was the response by Julia to that comment.
As the British would say: Brilliant!
Of course this excellent satire will fly over the heads of women like Miss Hitchings, but let’s face it, a woman will not understand something if her feminist lifestyle depends on her not understanding it (with apologies to Sinclair)
Shades of Mark Twain.
An employer should keep an ex-employee at the standard of living that they are accustomed to.
Dalrock, with a bit of rewrite, changing it from a blog post into an article, you can submit this to the Babylon Bee.
I totally feel your pain. I have been holding out for the perfect career (NOT job) for so long, and some days it feels like it will just never come along. Just a week ago I thought I’d finally had my prayers answered, just to have my hopes once again dashed at the last moment. I was up for this fabulous career opportunity, with a six figure salary, great benefits and retirement, and working with (NOT for) an awesome company (or so I thought) that’s been around forever. Then they hit me with this…
1) Dress code. In 2019 they wanted to tell me what I could and could not wear. They actually got totally judgmental about my clothes. No sandals allowed? Yes! That. Just. Happened.
2) No side gigs. They told me that a salary of 125,000/yr plus full benefits meant that they could tell me not to work for any of their competitors on the side. AS IF! My time, my body, my money. Really, how controlling do they think they can be? TOTALLY ABUSIVE! If I want to keep my options open for another career on the side, that’s none of their business!
3) Credit check. They told me I have to be bonded and insured for this business. I am SO SICK of all these judgmental hypocrites always worrying about the past! What happened before I met them is NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS! Why do these control freaks always want to know all about my past before they will give me the career I deserve? They totally need to learn about Christian forgiveness before they will EVER be qualified to run a business. NOBODY can judge me but God!
Tried to comment from my new laptop, I think I got sent to spam.
[D: Found it.]
Those employers should ManUp and hire men like Dana Hitchings!
I bet they are just scared of strong, independent employees.
Mockery is the best shiv. It hits right at the vulnerable point in a woman’s psyche that a good neg hits to knock her pride down.
And it wouldn’t be a Larry comment without some doomporn.
To continue the job metaphor:
All the good jobs are now Chinese or Southeast Asian. Anything but those American jobs that no one wants to work at because they just don’t have enough in fringe benefits, pay, or a nice building to work in! Chinese employers really want you, because it’s a big step up for them to hire you!
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A man needs an employer like a fish needs a bicycle!
Women like Anna take part in all the benefits of feminism while complaining that the men who make it possible aren’t faling from the skies.
If she took any concrete steps to divest herself of her *privilege* I bet she’d have eligible men popping out around each corner.
Okrahead, freaking beautiful. I love it.
This might be the very best article you’ve ever written. It’s quite keen. Well done, Dalrock.
That’s Ms Hitchings to you, man pig.
Okrahead, I feel ya pain brother! Those damn judgemental bastards! Why can’t they just hire us and pay us what we feel we are worth!? It boggles the mind! Do they not know that we are Sons of the King most High!
Very well done!
If you’re a woman who can’t find a man, take heart — kids are better off being raised by single mothers anyway:
I saw her blog and was going to write something scathing but now I must simply bow to the master.
Heh. I was 3/4 through it before I realized it was parody. Sounded typical to me!
….somewhere….out there…..insanitybites is thinking up a nonsense response.
off topic, but highly interesting if you haven’t heard – Roosh V (of PUA fame) has hung up his stirrups and taken the “God” pill:
He will no longer advocate/promote fornication and licentiousness on his forum since he is now Orthodox. Needless to say, this has caused some consternation in PUA circles…
I had the same question as the hypothetical young married individual in Doug Wilson’s letter. Doug’s advice is a pretty good path to divorce. I tried to follow it. My marriage did not recover until Athol Kay and The Rational Male.
Cute, but I don’t know how well the satirical analogy works. If I could not work but still support myself I’d definitely go for it.
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What is the disclaimer at the end of every movie?
“The above characters are fictional. Any semblance to actual persons in real-life is purely coincidental and unintentional”
…except that in the case of the modern woman, the stories are the same and only the narrator changes.
Ya know, Dana, you should get together with all those women harassing Silicon Valley employers (talk about Schadenfreude for all those leftist stooges, but I digress), because there’s not enough women in tech industries. It’s a male conspiracy! Man (er, um) the barricades!
Heaven forbid, those wonderful ladies should start their own all-women business (grrrrl power!) to show the men how it’s done! No, no. They need to step in to great jobs at great companies, because…more women are needed.
They have the same goals as you. They have the same ideals as you. They likely have the same job qualifications as you. Unite and fight for what is right!
Hail Gloria (Steinem)!
That original comment was mine. I wasn’t sure it would make it out of moderation. Julia’s reply is gold. “I accept offers when I get them but that’s not very often.”
Yeah, so? Why let that stop you?
Reach out. If you want a guy you have to go looking for him. You have to put in the work. Go to stuff. Do the online dating. Don’t be afraid to say hi. Do be pleasant and signal interest. Any marriage-minded man who’s single in his thirties (the age she should be looking for) is either uninterested/unskilled at reading subtle female social signals or has been burned badly in the past. You have to work harder and be a little more forgiving.
Catholics don’t subscribe to a magic vending machine Jesus attitude for the most part. Makes it harder to forgive this kind of silliness.
@Dalrock and @okrahead:
Julia over there in the comment section please lord kéep her single and give her cats. She should not b able destroy some man with a relationship. Anna like most women can cover for her (cluster B) with an engaging personality.
It really is incredible to watch those personality disorders work together like twin tornados with a rainbow in the background. You are insane enough to make it 14 years out of highschool and mis your easiest opportunity to get married. You with a straight face start a blog about relationships and claim thru omission you are flawless. You are actually a (5) while doing this publicly! But you are also cognitive enough to read criticism or yourself on the blog and respond with out throwing trash. But still claim no flaws. There’s nothing she could have worked on peroid.
Imagine having a kid with this woman you come home and ask her how the kid was today. When shes done you think to yourself theres a 50% chance that was total bullxhit, every day till you question the color of the sky. Then she sells you into slavery!
I would agree with most of what you said, except “uninterested/unskilled” is not so much the problem as “burned badly in the past.” When I’ve happened on pop-site posts poking fun at “clueless” men “missing obvious signals,” the comment section is full of horror stories about guys who thought they had the green light, asked a woman out…and were callously, even brutally, shot down.
Speaking from experience, women in college flirted with everyone, but only “meant it” for (often unhygienic) drunk-all-weekend PUAs. When one of us ordinary “nobodies” asked them out, they’d shame us (no other term fits) for bothering them. Several of these informed me that men confused by conflicting signals have no right to ask a woman for clarification because…well, a man has no right asking a woman to answer such obscene questions. That was a quarter-century ago. I doubt things have gotten better.
As for Catholic women, who knows what they want. At Mass one day, two attractive women dressed very obviously to be noticed (REALLY short skirts and high heels) were the greeters. Having come of age in the cauldron of “sexual harassment” witch hunts, I was careful not to stare, and spoke a few friendly words that were banal and not even remotely improper. They “greeted” me with icy glares of hatred, seemed loathe to hand me a bulletin, and stared daggers at me as I walked away quickly.
Anna Hitchings is deeper in denial than even most women go.
On her blog, her echo chamber actually cites Wendy Griffith as a role model to be emulated. If anyone even politely points out that Wendy Griffith is herself never married, and thus following her advice on how to land a husband is just about the worst possible approach to the task, the comment is deleted within seconds.
I skimmed her latest from May 30. It’s more of the same. The typical female refusal to engage in introspection.
Post wall Catholic yells at cloud.
He will no longer advocate/promote fornication and licentiousness on his forum since he is now Orthodox.
Meh. His sister dying at age 31 of cancer has affected him deeply, plus he is trying to change his image in order to settle down with a local woman in EE (Roosh is just about 40 now) possibly because his sister’s death greatly increased his wish to have children in a normal family.
He is not about to pull ‘Bang’ books from outlets that sell it.
But Roosh often makes many unforced media mistakes. This sort of move should be a gradual transition over the course of years. He did it way too suddenly.
I just checked, and his “return of kings” website is still up and running. It has “articles” like this one:
as your potential employer, I have to inform you, that markets are tough at the moment and it is actually more economically sound to be a one man band LLC than having 3 to 5 employees on the payroll. Profits are actually much bigger if you scale the firm down to one man band and risk of bakrupcy goes from 50 – 60% to virtually none.
Should a need for more workforce emerge, we will just hire short term contractors. Way cheaper and more profitable this way.
I am sorry to inform you of today’s markets’ realities, but I see no change in the foreseeable future.
Employer up and hire that slacker.
Oh, and I also read this blog by some loozer named Rachel Valentine who has had hundreds of interviews with employers throughout the world and wrote some lame books on how to interview. She is such a d-bag.
[Brilliant by the way]
As they say about men like Pastor Doug, “the road to Hell is paved with the skulls of erring priests.”
That is literal heresy, as he has directly contradicted apostolic doctrine that is both infallible and binding.
There was a female Catholic self-styled “relationship expert” named Mary Beth Bonacci. Never married, allegedly super Christian, although (as I recall) in and out of relationships that (plainly) never led anywhere. But, oh, did she have lots of advice for women!
And men. Staring the big five-o in the face, she began writing denouncements of never-married men in early middle age looking for someone young enough to bear children. “Not age appropriate!” she screeched. It is, apparently, selfish and disgusting for men in her age group to want fertility and kids, as opposed to a prize like her and those like her. Lots of twisted theology to “prove” her point. Oh, and she was defensive and constantly defending herself from (well-aimed, in my opinion) accusations of man-hating.
That was a decade ago. There is a sad, pathetic sameness about these women.
I just checked, and his “return of kings” website is still up and running. It has “articles” like this one:
Yep. If he wants to be taken seriously, the website has to come down, and he has to stop selling (i..e, monetizing) is various books like, e.g., “Bang Poland”. Otherwise, no dice.
We will see. I am waiting to see what he actually does, but roosh has always been about marketing roosh, so if this does turn out to be another marketing ploy, I would not be surprised. We’ll see.
Takis Mag “The Week That Perished” is my weekly moment of zen.
As Nova points out, if he has converted to Orthodoxy, he should at least feign remorse and move toward repentance (which means trying to do a 180 degree turn and repairing damage).
Also, Anon mentioned that these kinds of changes are gradual, with small, bright nodes of enlightenment along the way. If one were interested enough in reading the trajectory of my own conversion/reversion, I am still, to this day struggling with ambivalence looking back at a life of moral ambiguity vis a vis relationships and such.
O/T, hope everyone is well.
I could understand if bad past experiences are more of a factor in why a man might not approach a woman. I mention social cues because I know men who miss those. The problem there tends to be that women who aren’t super forward by nature tend to want to put out the quietest signals possible. I think this gets worse with age, because we seem to expect older guys to be more tuned in, when the reverse is more likely to be true. Bottom line for me, it’s dumb to automatically blame a man for not stepping up if you’ve done nothing to show interest or demonstrate that you can be trusted.
I can’t speak to other Catholic women, in regards to why they’d dress provocatively at Mass. I’d guess that it ties back into the insane concept that most women have these days that one wears short skirts and tight tops for oneself, and men have no right to look. Our priest occasionally lectures us during the homily about what is and is not acceptable at Mass. Maybe it’s a lack of expectations on women, which seems to be the entire problem with religion in America today.
This parody of the perpetual spinster via an analogy with loafers who make up excuses for not working is epic. One of the best Dalrock posts ever, and that is saying something!
Every day’s a good day on Twitter.
Beth Moore decided to claim the following:
She then engaged, as did our friend Sheila.
Then things got fun:
If you can’t beat ’em, at least make their arguments look silly.
Okrahead, freaking beautiful. I love it.
I you want a guy you have to go looking for him. You have to put in the work. Go to stuff. Do the online dating. Don’t be afraid to say hi. Do be pleasant and signal interest. Any marriage-minded man who’s single in his thirties (the age she should be looking for) is either uninterested/unskilled at reading subtle female social signals or has been burned badly in the past. You have to work harder and be a little more forgiving.
Unfortunately, women like you who have actually been willing to take the initiative (and have thus wound up married for having done so) are a rarity today. Most women are repelled by the very idea of having to put effort into locking down a husband. Anna Hitchings has made it clear that she’s one of those women.
The “no such thing as a godly misogynist” canard is a colossal non issue.
It reminds of walking through downtown and seeing the rainbow stickers in local business windows that read “LGBT welcome here” and such.
There is no business in down town USA where LGBT are not welcome. They would be burned to the ground either literally or figuratively through online and other lynching methods.
There’s no such thing as a Godly [insert made up, flexibly-defined word here]. No such thing as a Godly schmickeldorf, with schmickeldorf obviously defined as I choose it to be.
Basically, no such thing as a Godly [person whose opinions differ from mine]
“There is no such thing as a godly misogynist.”
Except King Solomon, I presume:
Ecclesiastes 7 –
26 I find more bitter than death the woman who is a snare, whose heart is a trap and whose hands are chains. The man who pleases God will escape her, but the sinner she will ensnare. 27 “Look,” says the Teacher, “this is what I have discovered: “Adding one thing to another to discover the scheme of things— 28 while I was still searching but not finding— I found one upright man among a thousand, but not one upright woman among them all.
Dana is 30 and never had a career, but I bet he’s had 100s of one-night “odd-jobs” over the years.
Ah, Beth Moore. SBC WonderFem followed and monetized by snarling PearlsOfGreatPrice frivorcers-in-waiting and their cuck enablers throughout Baptistdom.
Nice work EC.
Coffee all over my screen and keyboard now. Dalrock, you’re the greatest.
Dalrock, the happy unmarried women article needs to be addressed/countered. Please do so …
EC, Beth Moore is doing the same thing all other modernists do, inventing un-Biblical moral codes to then apply to the Bible as filters. Which by default removes moral authority from God and places it… where?
Answering that question tells you whom they serve.
No, Roosh should not take RoK down. His journey through emptiness to find meaning is one that should not be hidden. That would simply revert men back to Blue Pill conditioning.
Game is an absolutely required skill for married men. You must be proficient in the basics before you move on to the advanced work. Without the proper elevation of men over women, in frame and life, you’re going to have no basis to resist churchian feminism.
I also take a person who has experienced what Roosh has far more seriously when it comes to life advice than a Gloria type. I’m glad that he’s found his path to meaning. It’s a far better example to anyone just starting in the manosphere that Game is not an end in and of itself. It’s a tool in the toolkit to manage the challenges you’ll face in after your anger phase when you come to grips with your purpose in life, your role in the universe, and coming to God through His Son, Jesus.
A friend of mine on FaceBook nails that one in just five words.
“no such thing as a godly misogynist”
“By Allah, woman, you shall taste my shoe!!” (foam, gibber, explode, &c.).
Thing is, she’d almost certainly submit to that sort of halfwitted maniac. Without blinking.
No, Roosh should not take RoK down. His journey through emptiness to find meaning is one that should not be hidden.
He would say the progression is
blue pill >>> red pill >>> black pill >>> God pill
It is amazing how long you can casually look and find nobody, but once you get very serious, it happens quick.
When I started looking for a guy, I got into a serious relationship within six months. We dated for a year and a half, I realized it wasn’t working, got out of that, took two months off, and started looking again. Took me maybe four months the next time around, and I found my husband. That’s two and a half years to find him. Another three dating/engaged before the wedding.
It’s pretty straightforward but it still takes a while. And I basically restructured my entire life (career, the city I was living in, where I lived, hobbies, etc) to make it happen. It means making changes and making effort, something the romance novels and feminism tell us is, like, evil or something.
Honestly, I credit my mom. She’s selfless, and that’s what it takes to make a relationship work.
I posted the following at her blog. But for some strange reason, the comment went from awaiting moderation, to disappeared. I wonder which part of Scripture, or my interpretation, was the problem….
Are you being visibly obedient to Scripture? If a man knows, by your actions, that you are not serious about your Christian faith, then he may never bother to even talk with you. See the parable of the two sons in Matt 21:28; what is more important–what you claim about your faith or what you physically do?
Do not cut your hair, 1 Cor 11; if you are cutting your hair above your waist, you are cutting off what God’s word says, “is her glory”; don’t expect that decision on your part to have no consequences.
Do you ever wear pants to church, or other clothing that could be considered men’s clothing? Making yourself “detestable” or “an abomination” is unlikely to be helpful; Deut 22:5.
Do you show that you lack self-control, by being overweight? Titus 2:3-5. Showing a visible lack of character in this way will keep most men away.
Do you show that you are interested in a career instead of being a mother? See Titus 2:3-5 re “busy at home”. Or Prov 31:11-end; she is mostly doing tasks at home. Preparing yourself for a professional career in the workforce shows you have the wrong priorities.
Do you offer yourself for marriage as an 18 year-old virgin bride, with no debt or tattoos? If you refuse to be available to start marriage until after you have squandered your best years, do not expect men to value the prospect of marriage with you any more highly than your actions show you valued the prospect of marriage with them.
Nice work @Cynthia.
I was the same: once I made it my mission, things started to happen.
@Damn Crackers said:
“Ecclesiastes 7 –
26 I find more bitter than death the woman who is a snare, whose heart is a trap and whose hands are chains. ”
Stealing that, thank you very much.
PS — I also lived it.
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I apologize. I posted a link in the very first comment, and the link worked on my mobile device but does not work as posted here. I’ve corrected it. Sorry for the inconvenience. See below.
Meanwhile, this story is spreading about how marriage is great for men and how women will be happier without a husband and kids:
It’s nonsense, but it fits the narrative.
Well I’m glad they are happier. I’ll call their bluff though.
Please continue being happy, unmarried, childless women. I ain’t going to stop you or save you. You are free. Do not collect welfare, do not complain about burn out at work, do not complain about ‘not being asked out’ or for having to pay your own way or men not wanting to commit. No more. Not one more peep. Made your bed, lie down and shut up.
“I Can’t find a good man. And that’s men’s fault.”
I sent some comments to her new blog. Some weren’t published. I’ll put one of them here.
You said the following in your article:
Men who are guided by good principles, who have purpose and direction in life, are not only deeply attractive to women, they are invaluable assets to society.
This isn’t true at all. Good principles, purpose and direction, are not attractive to women at all. They are not sexually attractive at all. I know legions of these men. Devout, good, kind, motivated, hard-working, church-attending. They get nothing. They can’t get a date to save their lives. They try to date women they go to church with and have been absolutely blown out of the water. Know why? Because they aren’t sexually attractive men, or because they aren’t sexually attractive enough to attract those women. As you pointed out elsewhere, sexual attraction or “chemistry” is required, it’s either there or it isn’t, and no amount of forcing it or settling will create it. So no, good principles, purpose and direction, are not SEXUALLY attractive. At all. You are just wrong about this.
Hitchings just doesn’t get it. This has been said literally THOUSANDS of times, just at this blog. And women still aren’t getting it.
I think she’s just missing some of them in the moderation queue. I got into with her bitter 50 something commenter Philippa Agrippa and she published mine:
One thing to keep in mind, deti, is that a lot of Christian men are quasi-gammas and white knights. That truly is not sexy to women. It is possible to be a devout, motivated, hard-working, church-attending gamma male with white knight tendencies.
I think the bigger issue is one that one of her commenters, who sounds a lot more beta (in the VD scale, not Roissy scale) brought up:
That real issue is that most young women simply don’t want to get married until they feel the Wall approaching. Unless the guy is alpha AF, they don’t do it even if years later they would look back and go “holy crap I was a moron, that guy was 90% of what I could ever want in a man.”
I posted the following in the comments and it was disappeared:
“The odds that pAnna finds a socially able man to marry are not promising. Not impossible, but unlikely. 30-something men who want to marry and can command the attention of fit/attractive women can easily date women in their 20s. Peak SMV for females is 23yo; men mid to late 30s. Catholic men around Anna’s age who fit her wishlist and were serious about marriage were long-ago snapped up by women who instinctively understood that reality. All that is left are the misfits and the guys who are serial-dating until they settle down w a 25yo at 38. Anna seems to believe that a courtship model can coexist with the degenerate feral feminist society that now exists. The notion that desirable men were ever going to come calling and audition for her, waiting patiently and chastely, until she judged them worthly of life-long commitment was delusional and that is the moral of this story. If your real goal is to help Catholic women find good husbands you should hold yourself out as a cautionary tale of how other women should not make the same mistake and allow themselves to be out-competed for the small number of marriagable Catholic men by woman who put everything aside in pursuit of nailing down the highest-quality future husband they could before the post-23 decline set in. You should not be implicitly calling on single men to man-up and make themselves more attractive to 30+yo Catholic women. At this point, unless you are top-10% attractiveness, you have very little leverage to demand anything from men.”
Anna Hitchings can’t find a good man to marry, and that’s men’s fault.
Psychologically, it’s basically about the fear of buyer’s remorse, isn’t it?
A friend told me a parable in high school.
Women are like shoppers that enter a 4 story department store selling men. The sign at the entrance says you get one choice, and you cannot floor hop. You start at 1, proceed to 2, and so on. There is no going back down – the only exit from the 4th floor leads back to the street.
Upon entering on floor 1, they see some good ones and some lamos. What the heck, there are three other floors – why settle for something here? Let’s explore upstairs.
Upon entering floor 2, they see that the quality is much the same, but there are a few more outliers on the high-end. But they don’t want to pick one of these only to kick themselves if they see something better when they pass through floor 3 – especially if their friends are holding off in order to “browse” that floor.
Upon entering floor 3, they see again the same quality, maybe with 1 or 2 outliers that are better than anything on floors 1 or 2. Maybe not. But what the hey, they’ve passed up better men than these before. Why settle now?
At floor 4 the floor is empty but for a sign saying: “Thank you for reviewing our vast selection. If you have not yet found what you were looking for, it does not exist in our catalogue. We wish you all the best. Exit to the left.”
I think those of us that were always lurking around the periphery of the manosphere (fathers’ rights, alt-right, etc), always assumed that a given amount of folks like Roosh would eventually ‘settle down and get married’. A few years back I was wondering what the various exit plans would be for him, and my assumption was, given his back ground and how deep down the rabbit hole (so to speak) he had gone–the only way out and the only “weird thing” left for him to do/explore was full on Christian mode–with or without Jesus (remains to be seen how committed he is to this). It’s also a defensible position, even in a secular environment, whether people care or not–the conversion experience is typically considered virtuous. In a way, Roosh hit his own Wall of sorts.
Everybody who pushes “grrrrrl power!” and “You go, grrrrrl!” absolutely must realize–even if only at a subconscious, visceral level–that it is just nonsense. Otherwise, they wouldn’t have to keep pushing it.
That which is real, true, and virtuous, doesn’t require ceaseless, hysterical advocacy that silences (usually brutally) any opposition. Self-evident truth eventually wins out, because even the most powerful propaganda for wickedness gets overtaken by reality, and collapses under the weight of its own corruption.
Two old sayings for your consideration.
“The truth will out in the end.” (Of course, “in the end” may be a very long time, indeed–in human terms).
“If you chase Mother Nature out the front door with a broom, she’ll sneak in the back window.”
Roosh had a Qohelet journey. He has pulled the Bang books. We should all celebrate having won a brother; all God’s angels in Heaven are cheering the prodigal son returning home. He is publicly repenting of his past sins piece by piece as he understands what was counter to God’s will, and he is doing it in a very Christian manner – like the man who took out the classified ad who said – if I’ve wronged you, you let me know, I will make it right.
The problem with the “truth will out” POV is single women. The is no concept or belief so absurd, self-contradictory, or illogical that single women won’t believe it if told to them by someone w sufficient status. Mass and social media persuasion means that primal female fear of being socially outcast and their desire to conform to views of high-status members of their social group can be leveraged to literally make single women believe anything. That is why it was so important for progs to destroy families. My wife is top 2% IQ but has been known to ask me “what do we believe about x again”.
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You’re right, and what you say is true…for as long as the current situation keeps up. And I believe that is completely out of our control, and God is behind it. All we can do is do our best to resist and speak the truth, and hope for the best.
I think we are in a period of history when God, for reasons known only to Himself, turns the world into one big, horrible Book of Job for everyone alive–except the wicked, who prosper. Among the wicked are the feminists and their emasculated enablers.
Things seem very dark right now. Many women are willful and spiteful in a way no man would ever be permitted to be. Everything seems hopeless. But then, everybody thought the USSR–monolithic, brutal, seemingly impervious and omnipotent (sounds a lot like feminism, and Marxism, and all the other evil groups)–would outlast every other country on Earth. Then, suddenly, the Evil Empire collapsed with surprising speed and finality.
And no, it’s not our fault for being sinners. That’s a religious cop-out, a form of self-loathing, which — take note, all you “Humans deserve only Hell” types, is a grievous sin: God made us in His own image and likeness. Job wasn’t perfect, but no less an authority than God, Himself, acknowledged Job as an ideal human being — then allowed the Devil to turn the furies loose on Job. Job, furious, let God have it–and God’s response wasn’t to condemn Job, but: You’re right–none of this makes any sense, but I’m God, and I do what I want.
I truly believe that’s where we are.
Eve was vulnerable to Lucifer in the Garden of Eden. Eve’s daughters are now being co-opted by Lucifer’s servants similarly. That said, a woman bore the Messiah, and “crushed the head of the serpent” — as was foretold in Genesis. Hopefully, we won’t have to wait that long.
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I’ve been casually following Anna Hitchings’ site to see if she would demonstrate any signs of “bigger-picture” awareness. It’s pretty dull, re-warmed and well trodden-under ideas and observations so far. I hope she’ll deepen her thought process about these issues over time.
On that note, I posted the below comment this morning, responding to a manUP advocate who elsewhere urged men to be more like St. Joseph and wife up the single mommies, as a REAL man of God would do.
My comment has since disappeared (no longer tells me it is awaiting moderation – just nothing), so in the event that it’s gone for good I figured it could live in this thread (at dalrock’s discretion).
“The elephant in the room” refers to humankind’s tendency to begin sexual relations from a young age – regardless of marital status. I.e. pushing back the age of marriage does little to nothing to push back the age at which intercourse begins. Therefore, arguing from the mean, it is unlikely that a 30-year-old demanding a devout man who made all the right decisions (in areas where it mattered to her) in his 20s has HERSELF been a devout woman who made all the right decisions (in areas where it mattered to him) in HER 20s. That’s hypocrisy.
Now, how are fatherless children made, absent war, which has been a non-factor for 3 generations? 1) out of wedlock intercourse, and 2) divorce.
To the first: instead of encouraging chastity, you’ve encouraged men to manUP and save single mothers from the consequences of unchaste behavior. Humans being what they are, this just guarantees more unchaste behavior. What you advocate will net more fatherlessness, not less.
You characterize my comment above as saying that “women have failed men.” Not at all! I know that it takes two to tango. Rather, I’m bringing some balance to what has been a man-blame-fest from its inception. “Where have all the good men gone” followed by pontifications on the causes of their alleged disappearance – but heaven forbid that a woman might be even tangentially culpable for the state of things. Women’s only fault is that they value marriage and motherhood TOO MUCH. And heaven forbid we ask the corollary: where have all the good women gone? According to Phillipa, they are those wonderful single mothers out there which St. Joseph would take in matrimony himself, were he alive.
To the second reason for fatherlessness, who files the most divorces? Women.
Who gets the kids in most cases? Women.
So who do we naturally infer to be the majority driving force of fatherlessness in the case of divorce? Women.
Sure, you could argue that in 70% of divorces the men are scumbags who drove their wives to it, but the statistics don’t bear that out even IF you accept the faulty Duluth model.
Point is, women have to take responsibility here too. Accept that culpability is shared and be the change you want to see, or refuse, put it all on men, and sit at the kids’ table like all the other people who can’t bear adult burdens.
Yeah, it would look like a pre-feminist society.
Granted, that’s not and has never been paradise this side of Eden, but if the past didn’t have any less misery than the present, why change anything? To hear you talk, it’s just a shell-game of moving around misery. But we should totally stop the misery of fatherlessness… you’re talking out of both sides of your mouth.
You want to have your cake and eat it too, I get it. But you’re tying yourself in knots here.
I appreciate Ms. Hitchings for letting me air my thoughts.
You wasted time and effort. Church-feminists are still feminists. That whole “Mary was a single mother” line is pure feminist squid ink. One cannot apply reason to an argument that is entirely emotion.
Simpler answer in the church / Christian context: “When an angel of God directly tells me to manUP and marry that slut, I’ll do it. Until then, no”. You won’t make any friends that way, but they already hate you anyway.
Doubly wasted as it is now certain that my comment was nuked from orbit. I had begun to think that Hitchings’ blog might at least have the hope of offering value, if only in the comments section.
Alas, it seems Dana only allows employment advice from within the Overton Window.