Filed under the category of Losing control of the narrative, I bring you Why It’s OK To Settle In Romantic Relationships – Refinery29
When I met my now soon-to-be fiancé, five years ago, I didn’t really think much of him – or us, as a thing. There was no magic or butterflies. We were in the same group of friends at uni and we had flirted a bit, but he was way more interested in me than I was in him. So I was just kind of messing around and seeing where that would go, when we ended up sleeping together.
He was not my usual type, to be honest. On a dating app, he wouldn’t have stood a chance, with his serious tone and all. Also, I was 25…
[Now] I’m okay with trading some passion for support, for showing up for someone who’s there for me when I need them. I’m done with the fantasy, with chasing a spark that would disappear anyway. I’m much more invested in building a sustainable future with someone who I trust and can come home to after a bad day and just be myself, even my tired-looking, annoying self. But I had to learn this, I had to rewire my brain into separating emotional rollercoasters and actual feelings.
The most highly rated comments demonstrate that the ugliness of the AF/BB model is becoming more and more recognized. The top rated comment (with 221 upvotes) notes that the intended endorsement for settling fell flat:
OP almost sounds like she’s trying to convince herself she wants this relationship… nowhere does she mention attraction, sexual attraction, spark, or the chemistry that makes long term relationships successful – even if that initial honeymoon period really does fade. Her relationship sounds exactly like the relationship that I just ended because it was lacking attraction and devolved into friendship.
Commenter Slickshoe responded by pointing out how brutal the post was to the boring loyal dude, drawing 118 upvotes:
I’d be devastated if I was her partner and read this……….. I feel like OP had all these grand delusions of herself when she was younger and thought she deserved all the hotties or whatever until she finally grew up and realized that she’s not all that and probably isn’t going to land all these guys who are out of her league so she took whatever she could get. That is so sad.