Cane Caldo notes:
The rebuttals here are hilarious, and fall into two camps.
1. To some people the idea of “man pursues, woman responds” is so important to the arguer that he redefines woo to mean “bought”, and bride-price as “romantic overture”. Presumably these people have a very romantic life here in America; wooing gas out of the station attendant and seducing milk from the grocer with money.
2. Those who think the stories of: David and Bathsheba (adultery and murder), Samson and Delilah (never married), Hosea and Gomer (adultery, cuckoldry, polygyny) and Jacob and Rachel are instructive as Christian tradition.
I think part of the problem however is a misunderstanding of what Cane and I are referring to. Commenter sipcode responded with:
I cannot agree. OT scripture speaks of sons “taking” wives and not wives taking husbands. That reeks of the woman leading.
No one is saying women should formally propose to men. What Cane and I are responding to is the nearly universal false belief that the Bible teaches that men should follow the rules of Courtly Love regarding finding a wife. The Trad Con claim is that a man must pick a woman and boldly declare his intention to court her for marriage. The woman, who heretofore hasn’t considered the man one way or another, then proceeds to judge the man’s performance as he endeavors to win her heart* with acts of chivalry (like helping her move).
This is a highly unnatural way for men and women to pair off. It artificially raises the stakes and makes it harder for both men and women to assess their own marriage market value. A much more natural way is for women to first signal interest to the man by subtle (and therefore deniable) indicators of interest (IOIs). If the man gets the hint, and if he is interested, the path is open for the couple to get to know each other. This doesn’t mean men should never initiate contact or lead, but men should know how to read the signals and not waste their time on a woman who (given the chance) isn’t indicating interest. Ironically the Courtly Love model is presented as the man leading, but in fact it is all about the man chasing. Chasing isn’t leading, it is following. Moreover the rigid and artificial Courtly Love model is not only not effective, it is not (as widely believed) a biblical model.
*Winning her heart is considered the lifetime role of a Christian husband, including after the wedding. While the Bible teaches us that wives should win over their husbands, Courtly Love teaches us that a husband must forever re-win his wife’s heart. This is especially important for Christian husbands to do when their wives get bored of being married and start affairs with high status men at work. For the definitive guide on this, see the movie Fireproof.