As I mentioned before, Wendy Griffith tells us she met “Michael” after doing an interview with a Christian dating site, where she chastised Christian men for not manning up and asking Christian women out. Michael saw the interview and sent her an email through the site.
Michael clearly stood out from the rest of the “interesting” inquiries I had received in response to my no-nonsense interview in which I had urged men to man up and not be afraid to ask women out!
Based on the content and the timeline, this 2011 interview with ChristianCafe.com appears to be the interview that spurred Michael to ask her out.
The interviewer asked Griffith if part of the problem is that Christian men aren’t asking Christian women out. She replied:
Oh, absolutely. I was talking to a young guy at the gym the other day, and he said that he never asks women out. He was a nice guy and I asked him why. He said, “Oh, I got hurt once.” You know, be a man! That’s part of life to take risks! I’m not going to ask a guy out. I don’t think it’s my place. I was taught that men like a challenge and they are the hunters and all that. I was shocked that this guy was just going to let all the women ask him out, because it was less risky. Something is wrong with that picture and I certainly don’t think that was the way God intended it. I think that men need to step up and take a chance!
Michael watched the interview and surely thought to himself Why not take a chance? What’s the worst thing that could happen? In retrospect, plenty! Aside from what Griffith tells us was a sizable financial and time investment, he also was trashed by Griffith across Christian media (their common profession). She even wrote a book about what a terrible suitor he was! Granted, she didn’t give his full name, but she tells us he also has a successful career in Christian media. Surely many in his personal and professional circle know that he is the bad man who broke Griffith’s heart, prompting her to write a book warning all Christian women away from men like him!
If men have an obligation to man up and ask women out, women have an obligation to not drag the man through the mud if things don’t go as hoped. But Griffith’s one sided view of tradition comes out in other ways as well. While men must act traditionally by risking nuclear rejection and spending lavishly, women have no obligation to avoid the temptation to draw out the courtship process for decades. One of Griffith’s recurring complaints in the interview is that churches aren’t doing enough to cater to women like her who have drawn out their husband search into their 40s*:
I’ve never been married and I’m in my 40’s. There are a lot of families present, but it seems like the men come only after they’re married. The few guys that are there usually aren’t the “manly” men that I know I’m looking for. I think there is a lack of “real” men in the church.
[Churches] have singles outreaches for the 20-something crowd and early 30’s, but they don’t have anything for those over 40. But, even if they did, the men just aren’t there! But, thank God that there are some ways to connect online. The men are out there, as the statistics show. But, finding them, that’s the issue.
In the same interview Griffith complains that Christian men need to man up and get with the times since women like her refuse to be confined to traditional roles:
Interviewer: Some men are intimidated by successful women such as yourself.
Griffith: Well, they need to get over it, because we’re here and we’re waiting! “Man-up” and come and find us. There are a lot of gorgeous single women in the church, so get the men in here!
*At the time of the interview just under seven years ago. Now she appears to be in her early 50s.