Cartoonish chivalry, drill instructor edition.

Simplytimothy linked to the Rules for dating a drill instructor’s daughter.

The DI’s daughter has a penchant for thugs.  Saying no to his daughter is frightening and therefore out of the question, so the fictional drill instructor invokes cartoonish chivalry to seem traditional.

Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don’t take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose his compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

She also has a penchant for players.  The important part is that the player plays by her rules, until she is done with him:

Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

She is a precious snowflake, and daddy DI is there to make sure the parade of thugs and cads know how to respond:

Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don’t you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

She has a habit of taking off her clothes and falling on her back. The job of the thug/cad is to make sure she isn’t in an environment where she is most likely to spontaneously do this:

Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka – zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Lastly, the most important rule is to take the clown looking out the window in camo makeup seriously:

Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car – there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

Advertisements
This entry was posted in Cartoonish Chivalry, Fatherhood, Feral Females, Men's Sphere Humor. Bookmark the permalink.

45 Responses to Cartoonish chivalry, drill instructor edition.

  1. purge187 says:

    Sad thing is, there are many Western fathers who actually believe that their daughters are worth that much of a hassle.

  2. Pingback: Cartoonish chivalry, drill instructor edition. | @the_arv

  3. Sigma Frame says:

    This father-daughter relationship is rife with distrust. I also suspect that there is some generational guilt or jealousy at play as well. An iron-fisted approach cannot make up for those lost years of teaching the daughter good values, i.e. chastity, and only contributes to the daughter’s rebellion.

  4. Anonymous Reader says:

    Yeah, that’s one of the cartoon cardboard-prop lists that’s made the rounds for years. Humorous the first time or two, back 20-odd years ago. Now that I have a good pair of The Glasses and can see better, it’s just tedious. Because those men I have known personally who were most prone to wave this around / forward it to an e-list / post it on a website? Those men tended to be supplicating Betaized chumps in real life.

    I don’t recall any actual vets sending this around an email list, but could be misremembering.

  5. earlthomas786 says:

    Isn’t it interesting that the father takes more interest in laying down the law for guys who aren’t his child…yet doesn’t do anything to be the proper authority to his daughter. If you want a good son-in-law, raise a good daughter and teach her values. At the very least if she strays…you can’t look with regret and say you didn’t warn her.

  6. Dalrock says:

    @Anon Reader

    I don’t recall any actual vets sending this around an email list, but could be misremembering.

    Item 10 makes that much less likely, due to being packed with military sounding nonsense. Agent Orange was a defoliant. A chopper flying into a rice paddy near Hanoi would be US CSAR, a rescue helicopter.

  7. Embracing Reality says:

    Dating? DI is clearly out of touch with the present day and age in which he lives. It takes a lot of denial Not to see the truth. The losers his Precious daughter will give sex to will get it hooking up with her, almost anywhere. They don’t need to go to her house or call her. They might send her a sext asking for some homemade porn that she’ll make in Daddy’s house. Hell, back in the 80’s in a private Christian school I remember 7th grade sluts in the pastors family. On a school trip one was allowed to bring her boyfriend. Under a blanket on the bus they made it known they were having sex. The promiscuity of modern young girls is legendary, especially if they’re above average attractive.

  8. Anonymous Reader says:

    Oh, and one more thing: it’s try-hard. Like the “red dot” T-shirt, it’s not going to discourage an actual PUA one bit. From my own recollections, any high school girl whose father was that overbearing and try-hard would be very eager to get away from him for a few hours on a Friday or Saturday night. Very eager indeed.

    But the funny thing is, when I was in high school I actually dated some girls whose fathers were not just veterans but had been through infantry combat. None of those men who had actually been in real warfare acted like this cartoon. All of them were polite and poised. Because I’d been raised with some manners, it was easy to listen to adult conversation. As a result, I got to hear a few stories from those men.

    On reflection, this cartoon list reminds me of a when women try to act like men – they don’t know how to do it right, so they do a pale imitation or an over-the-top cartoon imitation.

  9. Jason says:

    Daughter takes that long to put on make-up? What is she using? A paint sprayer? Why is daughter wearing make up anyway? Guys wearing saggin’ pants isn’t a new trend, it’s been around a LONG time. When I was in college plenty of guys were doing that, and not just the hip-hoppers. This was 1990? 1991?

    References to Vietnam? The war ended in 1975 (a very sad day for the Vietnamese people btw), and the brave US servicemen on the ground (who actually had no choice in the matter cause of the draft and silly treaties from the 1950’s thru the early 1970’s) had returned home in 1973……..

    I am employed in an old folks home run by The Salvation Army. We don’t allow people off the street coming in to “hang out” my seniors pay rent to live there……as for nuns, I have not seen a nun in a habit since 1987 when I was living in West Germany.

    This is the biggest joke I have ever seen. Hannah-Barbera couldn’t have made this list anymore silly and stupid as a “quick draw mc graw” cartoon from 1962

  10. Scott says:

    Confession of a former dater.

    When I was in high school and my early 20s, I never paid any attention to dads.

  11. Jason says:

    When my dad was dating my mother…she was 18. My dad was 28. My mother was still a British subject, and was staying in a “boarding house for women” (Schenectady, NY) and the rules for “dating” in this home were home by 11pm weekends. 9pm weeknights. Men were only allowed in the front living room. The proprietress of this home was strict with the young women living there (usually ages 18-22 or so). My mother one night kept my dad waiting a little too long before her date, the proprietress let my mother “have it” for keeping a “caller” waiting, it was “rude and not ladylike”

  12. He might as well give her fish net stockings and insist she “break herself” after a night of “dating”.

  13. anonymous_ng says:

    When I was in the military, there was a scandal when one of the Lt. Col’s showed up to meet his daughter’s prom date with a 1911. I’m sure that he meant it as a joke, but the law and the senior leadership took a dim view of his behavior. I never heard if he faced criminal charges for brandishing, but that I heard about it as a Lt, meant that it probably killed his career.

  14. “When I was in high school and my early 20s, I never paid any attention to dads.”

    And we also know how PUA’s respond to obvious sh!t tests. This stuff is sh!t testy and asking for a response.

  15. earlthomas786 says:

    And we also know how PUA’s respond to obvious sh!t tests. This stuff is sh!t testy and asking for a response.

    Yeah they don’t see it as a threat to their livelihood, but a challenge to see if he can bag daddy’s princess.

  16. Anchorman says:

    “Daddy will bail me out if one of my bad boys doesn’t supplicate after I give him my body.”

    Messages, like this, are for the daughter. I understand the role of a father to protect his children, but this cartoonish, over-the-top macho stuff only emboldens reckless behavior from the daughter.

    The guys who pump and dump simply do not fear fathers because our society has neutered them.

    They know it.

    Cartoonish showmanship doesn’t faze the pump and dump crowd.

    But it sure has an effect on “daddy’s girl” as she notes how she has daddy wrapped around her figure, ready to unleash punishment if her bad boy no longer gives her the tingles.

  17. Anonymous Reader says:

    Jason
    This is the biggest joke I have ever seen. Hannah-Barbera couldn’t have made this list anymore silly and stupid as a “quick draw mc graw” cartoon from 1962

    Bear in mind that variations on this thing have been floating around the Internet for over 20 years. It probably was first written back in the early 1990’s. Do the math, in 1992 a Viet Nam vet would be in his 40’s, so a teenaged daughter would be plausible.

    To update this thing it would have to be entitled “Rules for dating my granddaughter”…not quite the same effect.

  18. Anchorman says:

    On reflection, this cartoon list reminds me of a when women try to act like men – they don’t know how to do it right, so they do a pale imitation or an over-the-top cartoon imitation.

    Excellent observation.

  19. Anchorman says:

    Messages, like this, are for the daughter.

    Actually, I take that back.

    It’s for other dads.

    But the daughter learns the real lesson.

  20. Jason says:

    Thanks Anon! makes sense that way! Is dad even around today????? I mean “he” was becoming an endangered species even back in the 1990’s

  21. Yeah they don’t see it as a threat to their livelihood, but a challenge to see if he can bag daddy’s princess.

    I’m surprised the blogger of “Alpha Game” isn’t applying his axioms here.

  22. Original Laura says:

    Be polite to the daughter’s dates if at all possible, and say something positive about each one to your daughter after the date is over, if you can. If one of your daughters ever starts dating someone evil, you can then explain to her why the young man isn’t suitable, and tell her to break off the relationship. Don’t put yourself in a situation in which the daughter can tell herself and others, “Well, my dad has always HATED every guy that I have ever liked. He keeps telling me that Robert is worthless, but he doesn’t know Robert the way that I do.” If you were always unfailingly polite to your daughter’s suitors, and only started to bad-mouth Robert when you realized that he was a complete jerk, you have a much better chance of weeding out the young men who will never be “marriage material” and helping your daughter choose someone who will make a good husband.

    In my cousin’s family, when the girls were in high school, they were only allowed to date a guy twice before they had to date someone different. They could date, and go to all the school proms, etc., but it wasn’t possible for them to have a “boyfriend.” Both of them have now been happily married over 30 years.

    This will seem very old-fashioned, but I think it helps to let a girl start looking at china and silver patterns around the age of 12 or 13, and maybe pick her silver pattern at age 14 or so, with silver place settings being given as birthday and Christmas gifts. It lets her know that you do realize that she is growing up, and that she will be moving away to a home of her own within a few years.

  23. Jason says:

    Very well said Original Laura. My dad never met his “father in law” until they were married for about two years (flying back in the 1960’s was SUPER expensive, you just didn’t hop on a jet like today). My father DID call the UK when he was going to propose to my mother (and that call was very expensive at that time, he had to wait ten minutes for line to opened to rural Wales) to speak with her dad. My grandfather did say to my father “I know you love my daughter, but do you ‘like’ her?”

    Different times. Everyone keeps saying how dating, and courtship is so messed up today but few want to do anything to actually change it. We end up with this “cartoonish chivalry” with tough talk and zero action.

    A solid “Mod” nod to all you dads of daughters out there. I cannot relate to this at all since I am child-free. You have a lot on your table concerning these matters. I cannot pretend I have all the answers. I only have my parents to reference, and they did have a good marriage. So it’s all I really know. When I do post / reply to these matters please don’t think I am a know-it-all, ’cause I am not. I have opinions…..and if they are “wrong” I am sure many of you will let me know 😉

  24. Jonadab-the-Rechabite says:

    So now that the context for sex has left the marriage covenant and virginity is not virtuous but scandalous, the role of the parent is no longer to protect and prepare a daughter for marriage, but to threaten anyone who might hurt her self actualization and to prevent any serious injuries as she rides the carousel.

    Queer how leaving the straight and narrow path takes one further and further away from a blessed life.

  25. thedeti says:

    yeah, it’s in the “military jokes and humor” section. But, really, there’s more than a little truth to this and about how dads “feel” about all this.

    The upshot of it is that these kinds of men view their daughters as having no agency, no discernment, and a complete inability to judge character. And if a man’s daughter can’t think for herself, can’t do anything for herself, can’t judge character, and has no bullshit detector, that’s a parenting failure right there. If a man hasn’t trained her to do this for herself, that’s on him, and half-joking with comedic threats isn’t going to fix it.

  26. feeriker says:

    Just to repeat: What makes “cartoon dad” so insufferably buffoonish is that the badboy thugs aren’t the least bit afraid of him and will ignore every word that comes out of his mouth (or, if they’re in the mood for some anusement, will turn cartoon dad into their bitch).

    “Nice guys,” on the other hand, while not necessatily afraid of carton dad, aren’t going to suffer his demeaning nonsense, because his daughter isn’t worth that kind of loss of self-respect or hassle.

    TL;DR version: cartoon dad is giving his precious daughter a head start on the bad-boy cock carousel, as well as paving the cat herder path fot her.

  27. One of (the many) things that is so retarded about all this is that the crazy gun-toting dads don’t seem to care to discriminate between good guys who might be marriage material and bad guys who are just trying to bang their daughters. Another thing is that this all seems geared towards protecting the daughter’s feelings as opposed to protecting the daughter’s marital value. There’s probably an unwritten eleventh rule that says something like, “if you’re marrying my daughter and you have a problem with the fact that she’s banged X amount of guys before you, you are not worthy of her.”

  28. earlthomas786 says:

    Another thing is that this all seems geared towards protecting the daughter’s feelings as opposed to protecting the daughter’s marital value.

    It’s a crazy world we live in. Daddy doesn’t want his daughter to cry from the guy, but he doesn’t mind she gets all the (secret) thrills from him.

  29. Pingback: Cartoonish chivalry, drill instructor edition. | Reaction Times

  30. Spike says:

    Anchorman says:
    December 7, 2017 at 11:00 am
    Messages, like this, are for the daughter.

    Actually, I take that back.

    It’s for other dads.

    But the daughter learns the real lesson.

    Anchorman: I’d agree its’ for other dads. I’m not sure what you mean by the daughter learning the lesson. In my experience, daughters (young women) don’t learn anything. Sit one down and ask her about her life ( I can do this as a sports instructor). What you will get is,
    “Boyfriend in High School…..blah blah blah ….then My then boyfriend in College / university……I broke up with him blah blah….Then I lived in (insert exotic country ) with my boyfriend of the time…blah blah blah…..and now here I am”. – penniless, living in shared accommodation or with parents, having a menial job, and trying desperately to marry an Investment Banker.

  31. Micha Elyi says:

    Bear in mind that variations on this thing have been floating around the Internet for over 20 years. It probably was first written back in the early 1990’s.
    Anonymous Reader

    Yes, this variation may have been written then. The oldest copy I can locate on the Internet is here at the vietnet.vn.singles Google Group. It was posted in 1998.

    That 1998 is the oldest one that the Google Groups search function can find is probably a limitation imposed by Google. I recall seeing much the same thing in the late 1970s or early 80s. It circulated as a ‘Xerox graffito’. Back then the droopy pants weren’t mentioned. Such satires of the overprotective Dad are probably even older than that.

    By 2002 the meme was familiar enough to appear on broadcast television as the series 8 Simple Rules for Dating My Teenage Daughter (2002-2005).

  32. stevie tellatruth says:

    I dated this girl once. She introduced me to her dad.

    The dad asked me, “So what do you do?”

    Under my breath I muttered, “I’m about to DO your daughter pretty soon.”

    Glad he didn’t hear me. LOL

  33. PokeSalad says:

    As a 26-year Army veteran, this kind of Gunny-Highway cartoonery makes me nearly physically ill. As some others have noted, he doesn’t even get the (simple) military details right….it’s like a simping Gamma’s fever-dream of what a hardened veteran would say. I call bullshit on the entire enterprise. No self-respecting vet would talk like this.

  34. Anonymous Reader says:

    PokeSalad, wannabes are always with us.

  35. I think there is an important difference between the clownish idiot who posts things like “the camouflaged face at the window is mine, just drop my daughter off and leave” and a girl who *chooses* to wear something like Vox Day’s shirt. Some girls truly do desire things like that.

    I wouldn’t think so, but I dated a girl who was kind of shy/introvert, but she was successful–bought a nice house in an ok part of town, good paying job… she wanted me to buy her a collar. A choker necklace, but the point was she wanted to be claimed. Some women truly want that.

  36. Anonymous Reader says:

    Some girls truly do desire things like that.

    Some girls desire all sorts of things. It doesn’t mean that “Daddy” or “Hubby” is obliged. Really, it doesn’t. Much of the modern decay in various ways has to do with men caving in to wives, daughters and mothers. But that is a digression.

    I wouldn’t think so, but I dated a girl who was kind of shy/introvert, but she was successful–bought a nice house in an ok part of town, good paying job… she wanted me to buy her a collar. A choker necklace, but the point was she wanted to be claimed. Some women truly want that.

    Most girls / women want to be claimed. It’s in their nature. That’s why wedding rings are so important to women. There are as many ways to meet that want as there are women and men. We learn from the “Love Languages” people that not everyond has the same needs. Some father love their daughters with much time spent together, others with much physical hugging, etc., others with music or books, the list goes on. Some ways are better than others, and some ways – such as this shirt – are just boneheaded.

    The last line from the troll in a different thread was all about “in-group” and “humor”. LIttle children on the playground like to form their little clubs that only they can join, too. But we put limits on their play. We discourage them from saying foolish things to each other such as “My Daddy has a fancy gun and he can kill you if he wants!”, for example. Well, responsible adults do that anyway.

    Others make up T-shirts that say exactly that message and sell them to suckers.

  37. feeriker says:

    Some ways are better than others, and some ways – such as this shirt – are just boneheaded.

    We also cannot forget that Dad, in many cases here, is in an emotionally incestuous relationship with his daughter (due to his wife’s having dead-bedroomed/friend-zoned him) and is thus “keeping the competition away,” even if only subconsciously.

  38. Dalrock says:

    @archerwfisher

    I think there is an important difference between the clownish idiot who posts things like “the camouflaged face at the window is mine, just drop my daughter off and leave” and a girl who *chooses* to wear something like Vox Day’s shirt. Some girls truly do desire things like that.

    Agreed. Likewise, not every father who would get this for his daughter is thinking of the clownish camo face in the window. As I wrote in my post on the shirt, Vox would seem to disavow that reading. My point was that where I live the clownish view is what I would expect to be the majority reading. We might disagree on that (which is fine), but it is beyond question that some people will see the shirt and fondly think of “the camouflaged face at the window.” In the OP I linked to the 12th comment on Vox’s post, where commenter Simplytimothy wrote:

    Always warms my heart to read the

    Rules for dating a drill instructor s daughter

    https://www.strategypage.com/militaryforums/532-12.aspx#startofcomments

    Simplytimothy is merely one commenter out of many, and shouldn’t be mistaken for representing Vox or Vox’s readership in general. But he does demonstrate that the clownish reading of the shirt does and will exist.

    I’ll close by suggesting that if you want one of these shirts you should put your order in quickly, as I expect the shirt will be well loved in my home state, and many others. I would expect them to sell faster than Crypto Fashion can make them for some time to come.

  39. Obstinatus Ludificator says:

    It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi.

    So he served in the NVA? Why else would he be triggered by a helicopter (that the Viets didn’t have) near Hanoi (where the only Americans were shot-down pilots)?

  40. Anonymous Reader says:

    Dalrock
    I’ll close by suggesting that if you want one of these shirts you should put your order in quickly, as I expect the shirt will be well loved in my home state, and many others.

    No doubt! P.T. Barnum was definitely right.
    Crypto should work a deal with Hi-Point to pack a shirt right in the box with every new carbine.

  41. Luke7 says:

    Dalrock, God help any man who ends up in a defensive shooting, and the kangaroo court that subsequently tries him finds a picture of him wearing that shirt.

  42. Christian Nicholes says:

    Someone please draft the Civil War Vet version of this.

  43. Pingback: Men’s self-respect is a solution to the gender wars

  44. Pingback: Visible in absence. | Dalrock

  45. Pingback: Rules for dating a Daughter of the King. | Dalrock

Please see the comment policy linked from the top menu.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.