Commenters pacguy and Jonadab-the-Rechabite both point out that by the definitions of abuse from Life Skills International and FotF wives are regularly abusing their husbands, and they are very often doing so at the direction of Life Skills, FotF, the Davissons, and Drs. Hegstrom, Clarke, and Harley. Each of the following is defined as abuse on the Life Skills Power and Control wheel:
- Affection is conditional (denying sex would certainly count here)
- Threatens to end the relationship
- Threatens to take the children.
- Uses partner’s money and/or credit with or without their knowledge.
- Commits mental blackmail.
This is a very short sample, but it gives an idea of the problem feminists have here. Feminists are using accusations of abuse to bully and abuse good men. There is no way around this. It works because good men want to help and protect women. It is as I mentioned, sheer evil brilliance.
Moreover, they know exactly what they are doing, which is why they created a special definition of abuse called knowledge abuse. If you point out that by their definition of abuse that you are in fact the one being abused, this is proof that you are an abuser.
Receives a limited amount of counseling and uses it against partner; uses knowledge of partner’s past against them…
Reads and listens to self-help books and tapes then uses the information to blame the partner for problems in the relationship.
So when your wife listens to FotF and learns that you are the source of the relationship’s problems and threatens to leave you, take your children away from you, and/or denies sex unless you do what she wants, you can’t defend yourself by pointing out that these are all abuse. As the man you are the abuser, period, and arguing otherwise is just more proof that you are an abuser.
Even worse, if your wife is diagnosed as Borderline, Bipolar, etc. and you point out that she is abusing you in ways that fit with this diagnosis, this is also knowledge abuse:
uses medical professional’s comments or advice to blame partner for the problems in the relationship
These folks know exactly what they are doing, and they have spent decades perfecting their methodology to do so. Don’t fall for the same mistake so many other men have made of assuming they are actually acting in (perhaps misguided) good faith, or that this is actually about abuse. It is not, it is about destroying headship by taking power away from husbands and giving it to their wives. They come right out and tell us this by explaining that you can’t use their own definitions against them, just like the Duluth Model website tells us this more directly (emphasis mine):
Making the Power and Control Wheel gender neutral would hide the power imbalances in relationships between men and women that reflect power imbalances in society. By naming the power differences, we can more clearly provide advocacy and support for victims, accountability and opportunities for change for offenders, and system and societal changes that end violence against women.
As they state plainly, the goal of the Duluth Model is to:
…change societal conditions that support men’s use of tactics of power and control over women.
This isn’t about methods or tactics of using power, which is why they are fine when women use the same methods against men. This is about the power dynamic itself. This isn’t about how power is used, but about who has the power.
Related: The crazy dictator.