Laura Lifshitz is back, asking Do the Men Move on First Before the Women, After Divorce?
Every time I have told someone about the divorce, all I hear is, “He will move on before you. The men always do.” Or, “Oh the men need someone so he’ll marry again before you do.” Or, “Well you know…men get over these things quickly. The women stay alone.”
I felt rattled by these words because based on every stranger, coworker and friend, women suffer through loneliness and men find happiness instantaneously. It was the fiftieth time in my life that I wished for a penis.
The answer to her question is it depends on the age of the couple. If the couple is young (say in their mid 20s), it is the ex-wife who almost certainly will find herself with a wealth of dating prospects. It is only later in life, as the SMV fortunes of men and women change, that men find it easier than women. It only seems like men always have it easier because most women now delay marriage so long that by the time they get around to step 5 in the having it all plan the SMV power positions have reversed.
However, I’m not sure it will cheer Lifshitz up knowing that it would have gone much better for her if she had divorced in her 20s instead of her late 30s. At any rate, she has moved from writing about all of the pain her divorce has caused her young daughter to writing about her own pain now that her ex husband has a new girlfriend:
The words. When I knew, I felt as if someone had put a shotgun to my gut. That night I cried for most of the night. In fact, I am pretty sure I have just been random waterworks as if I were a pregnant lady ever since. If you aren’t sure if it’s me, see if the woman is crying. If yes, chances are it’s me.
Lifshitz rationalizes that men fare better in the post divorce dating market because women care more about the children, while men prioritize dating over obligations to family:
“Oh the women always have a tough time. It’s so hard. They focus on the kids. Men don’t want women with kids. Women don’t mind a man with kids.”
So basically, it sucks to be a woman and have a vagina, yet again.
But this is exactly the opposite of what is really happening. We can see this by the relationship between the age of the wife and the risk of divorce. When wives perceive their chances in the dating world and of remarriage are best, divorce rates are at their highest. As the couple ages and the wife’s options outside the marriage dwindle, the risk of divorce steadily decreases. Put another way, the lower mommy’s opportunity to bang other men, the less risk a child has of having their family blown up.
Note the lack of an increase in divorce later in life as the relative SMV prospects of the husband increase. As the AARP survey found, even later in life when the man’s remarriage prospects are better, divorce continues to be driven by women.