In the discussion of a recent post, Dragonfly asked what things a young woman can do to be more attractive to potential husbands:
…from a man’s point of view, what would that 22 year old woman need to be like to snag a man out of her league? Please list physical/relational/educational/vocational I think some of the women here (in denial) need to see it spelled out from a man.
This is a fair question, and prompted a good discussion. However, as Dragonfly hints the fundamental problem isn’t that most young women don’t know how to attract a man, it is that being sweet and attentive is on nearly all young women’s must not do list.
For a cultural point of reference, Glamour magazine caused an uproar a few days ago by creating a list of things a woman could do to make a man fall in love with her. The Daily Mail describes the squeals of outrage that Glamour would suggest that women be sweet and attentive to a man:
A. Elizabeth West wrote: ‘The 1950s called; they want their advice back.’
Moody Sunflower agreed when they added: ‘It’s 2015, not 1950. WTF??!’
Many argued that the article was encouraging a women to stop being themselves and take on a new persona.
After the ugly feminist meltdown, Glamour pulled the article and replaced it with an apology.
If you are looking for 13 Little Things That Can Make a Man Fall Hard for You, it is no longer available. For a quick explanation of why, here’s our response, posted Monday.
We’ve been taking some heat for a post on man-pleasing tips that ran here a few days ago—and honestly, we kinda asked for it. (That’s the consensus across the Internet and even within our own ranks). We hear you, tweeters—and we agree.
For those who want to see the original list, the Daily Mail article has a copy of it. Note that Glamour wasn’t offering advice to Christian women looking to marry, and that some of the advice is otherwise nonsensical (especially 3 and 13). But the list didn’t cause an uproar over suggesting sex out of wedlock, nor for assuming men will like what women like. The list caused an uproar because it suggested that women be sweet and attentive. Sweet and attentive is now unacceptable.
The good news here is that the young woman who is willing to buck the trend and actually become sweet and attentive will have the advantage of very little competition. The bad news is that nearly all young women who are advised to cast off the feminist miserliness will find such a suggestion unacceptable.
Should a young woman broadcast her virginity?
In the discussion following Dragonfly’s question the topic of how to communicate virginity came up. Some suggested a young woman should proactively get the message out that she is a virgin. Others, including Spacetraveller, disagreed:
I don’t advocate that women disclose their ‘status’ to a prospective husband ESPECIALLY if she IS a virgin.
I didn’t understand this at the time I was dating, but I think I understand things better now.
It seems a bit ‘try hard’ if you are trying to convince someone you are a virgin. They will naturally, get suspicious about you.
I never disclosed. When my husband (then boyfriend) directly asked (because of ‘no action’ 3 months or so into our relationship), I actually didn’t answer. He says I blushed and looked away, which is probably true, because I am sensitive about this subject.
I never discussed virginity with anyone who I was interested in or who was interested in me because I thought it was too much of an intimate discussion to have with someone who is not yet ‘established’ as a husband-potential. Even having this discussion with a man was, in itself ‘slutty’, in my view.
Spacetraveller raises an excellent point. There can be a vulgarity about a woman discussing something private in a casual manner, even if the topic is her sexual purity. Note that her reluctance to reply didn’t take on the usual form of “how dare you ask about my sexual past”, but of bashfulness. She read her (now) husband right and he read her right as well. As a result, this worked for her. Other men might be more insistent on getting a clear answer, and I don’t see a problem with that either.
One other problem with a young woman broadcasting her virginity to her social circle is this nearly always is done as a way to set the stage for a celibate boyfriend relationship. The problem for a young woman looking to marry isn’t just that her virginity won’t be believed, but that she will risk being mistaken for wanting a celibate boyfriend instead of a husband.
See also: What a setup looks like.