I needed a ride to the [church singles] retreat, an acquaintance of mine had an older brother who was going – we chatted a lot in the car on the drive to the retreat and discovered we had a lot of interests in common. I think Dalrock’s right when it comes to structuring interactions so that they’re low-stakes. If we hadn’t had anything in common, it wouldn’t have been the end of the world – he was just doing a favor for his sister, and I was only carpooling with a friend’s brother.
At the retreat itself, I wasn’t approached by any of the men – but then, I had super-short hair and no fashion sense, so I was no doubt the least attractive woman there. But the silver lining of lacking the “traditional femininity” training was that I was perfectly willing to initiate conversation with men on my own. It turned out that the one I’d carpooled with was far more suitable than any of the others, so when he invited me to visit the theater with himself and his sister I made sure to say yes and dress in my Sunday-best long dress. 😉
- This probably wasn’t a setup by the the mothers or other married women at the church, but this is exactly the kind of set up a clever mother would arrange. The best setups have either minimal or no fingerprints visible by the married woman doing the setup.
- Note that she describes casting a very wide net in this comment, yet only describes one man asking her on a date. Unless they are using internet dating, dates very often aren’t how young people get to know one another and build initial attraction. Very often the woman has already done her market research and attraction is building with a particular man before she is asked out on the date that matters.
- Being young helps a great deal. There is a common complaint by older husband seekers that they need more time to fall in love with a potential husband than the man is willing to invest before nexting her. Young people don’t suffer from this problem. Falling in love is quite easy when young, which is why our concern with young people is trying to stop them from falling in love when we fear the match is wrong.