Not new, but new to me from the Onion: You’re Not My Real Stepdad!
You’re not the boss of me. You’re not the guy who married my mom after she got divorced. You think you can just show up and start ordering me around like you’re the father figure I first met when I was 8? Well, you’re not…
…you’re just a phony who’s trying to make us forget my mom was already married, then divorced, then single for a while, then real sad, then remarried.
Well, screw you, Greg! I won’t let you replace the man who replaced my father. And I don’t care how long you stay married to my Mom—I’ll never call you Dennis!
I’m not going to sit by and watch you try to fill in for my true stepdad, who was there for me during those tough times in court until it was mandated by a judge that he not be there anymore.