Now that almost all Christians have abandoned the Biblical frame of sexual morality nearly everyone has unknowingly filled the void with what Rollo calls the feminine imperative. The new rules of sexual morality are simple. If sex is on the woman’s terms, it is moral. If sex is on the man’s terms, it is immoral. You can see this with the moral elevation of serial monogamy and the moral stress placed on sex in the context of romantic love. This isn’t something you will see discussed outside of the manosphere however because all of this is accepted without conscious thought.
The other day I came across a youtube video of a 2008 episode of the Dr. Phil show about a pickup artist named Paul Janka. The framing of the show is fascinating, with conflicting messages suggesting that Paul and his method are both a failure as well as too successful. Even more interesting is the moral framing of the question. Dr. Phil seems certain that Paul is doing something immoral, but he doesn’t ever come out and say what that might be. The closest he comes is when he questions if Paul likes women (3:55 in the first youtube below):
Dr. Phil: How many women [have you had sex with]?
Dr. Phil: Do you like women?
Paul assures him that he does. Dr. Phil then challenges Paul to explain a quote of his (leaving the “banged” part out):
She may look fit, sexy and sophisticated, but after you’ve banged her and she’s naked, with mascara running down her face and she’s trying to stuff her thighs into a pair of too small jeans at 2 a.m., you’ll realize she’s just another person trying to get by.
The tone in Dr. Phil’s voice and the look of disgust on the audience members’ faces say it all:
How dare you think of those classy ladies that way! Those are the future wives and mothers of America!
Later in the segment (8:20 in the first youtube below) they introduce one of the women Paul has gamed. Dr. Phil calls her Heather, and mentions that she blogs for Gawker. According to this Gawker post her full name is Heather Fink (confirmed on her blog). Heather explains that at first Paul was charming, but then he told her that he keeps a spreadsheet of all of his conquests.
Heather: After he said that I said “Ok, I’m definitely not touching his [censored]”.
She made out with him later that night, and some time later called him up for a drunken hookup at 2:00 AM. But according to her Paul was masturbating when he opened the door (Paul denies this), and this ruined the mood.
Heather: I was completely turned off, and thought he was crazy. And I was thinking in my head “get through the night, sober up, go home”.
Paul: I think maybe she just got undressed and came into bed. What I do remember vividly is touching her.
Heather: I slept in back to back, like my back turned to him the whole time completely shut off and like stiff and like “don’t touch me”.
Later she says:
You didn’t need a system Paul. I didn’t sleep with you because you screwed it up for yourself.
What is so noteworthy about all of this is the moral tone. The title of the segment is Male Egos Out of Control. Heather has no shame when she describes calling Paul up for a booty call. She is presented as a hero, fending off the evil pickup artist and showing him his place. There is no shock that this woman is describing her plans for casual sex, only strong disapproval that Paul was pursuing the same thing on his own terms. Heather even goes so far as to chastise Paul for squandering his chastity:
If you are that good looking, and you went to Harvard, and you waste it by volunteering yourself as a public [censored], that’s sad!
Check out the videos to see what I mean (LSFW):
Start first at 3:55 in the video above, then skip to 8:20. Start the video below from the beginning.
For those men looking for a wife, you will be pleased to learn that Heather is now in her 30s and looking for a husband.
…They were there with their adorable husbands, and there was an empty seat where my adorable husband could sit if I had one. But I don’t…
And then I saw someone in the friends and thought – damn even he got married too?That makes me a bit insecure.
I would like it if life works that out for me some time soon. I think it will work eventually for sure, I just have faith in that.
I’m very curious when, where and who in the meantime.
If after watching the videos above you feel you need a pep talk before considering a woman who has gotten her wild years out of the way, Professor Mentu has you covered with his (crass) series Top 5 Reasons Her Sexual Past Shouldn’t Matter #5 She chose you to be her partner, #4 There’s Meaning in Meaningless Sex, #3 She Doesn’t Have an STD, and #2 She was Selective, and #1 You’re not going to marry her.
Don’t worry ladies, I have a pep talk for you too if you are interested in an alpha like Paul.