Vox Day gives advice to a reader named LS in his post Alpha Mail: to marry or not to marry. LS feels like he has found a woman with unique qualities:
In short, she’s about as close to perfect as I feel I could hope to get, except that she’s not at all open to listening to any new ideas, such as homeschooling.
An even bigger red flag than the homeschooling question is her view on sex in marriage:
I said that I am taking a massive risk by marrying and having children with her. And that I was afraid of having a sexless marriage. She doesn’t see sex as a wifely duty. She didn’t wanna hear it and simply shut down conversation.
Vox offered LS sound advice:
This is not a hard question to answer, but it is perhaps a hard answer to hear. Never marry a woman who does not see sex as part of her marital duties, because she is a woman who does not believe a woman has any marital duties. Sex is the single most important aspect of a marriage, indeed, it can even be theologically argued that sex is marriage.
This woman is already telling LS that she will not accept him as the head of the household, will not put the academic interests of her children ahead of herself, and will only have sex with him when she happens to feel like it. I would be astonished if LS managed to stay married to her for four years, if he is sufficiently unwise as to propose to her.
A number of the commenters were critical of LS’s approach in asking her these questions in the way he did. They felt that instead he should have gamed her into agreement. Joseph Dantes kicked this off:
It’s so much easier to silently lead a woman in the desired direction than to logically pre-approve your course of action.
That’s why I’m tempted to suggest that the guy above simply take from and give to her exactly what he likes without asking first.
Hawiian Libertarian had a similar take:
Based on the way LS phrases this, he’s already off on the wrong foot in this relationship…hes playing into her frame, rather than establishing his own frame and inviting her to join him.
He’s asking her if she’d meet some goal of his…which puts her in the drivers seat; the de facto power holder.
He’s asking her if she’s willing to meet his standards, instead of clearly telling her what his standards are and what the consequences are if they are not met.
Both are probably right from a game perspective. However, I disagree that LS should be using game to achieve compliance from his prospective wife. What he needs to learn are her core values regarding marriage. The last thing he should be doing at this point is feeding her the right answers. If she doesn’t start off with the right view of marriage, Vox is right that their marriage is almost certainly doomed. As I wrote previously in Gaming your wife:
The foundation for her commitment to your marriage shouldn’t be your game. If she is only one, or a few, or even 50 failed shit tests away from walking away from her sacred vow and/or whoring around, then she isn’t a wife, she is a whore. Don’t marry a whore*. Game should be about making you and your wife happier with your marriage, not about putting the sole onus for the success of the marriage on you.
During the screening process for a wife I would say that too much game could actually be a great risk for a man. If she has all of the right answers simply because she is under your spell, this means she doesn’t really have the right core values. Or maybe she does, but you won’t be able to spot which is which. Keep in mind that it is a man’s sacred duty to his future children to do whatever he can to ensure that they grow up with the benefit of an in tact family with a mother and father. He owes them the best mother he can find. If she only has the right answers because she was following her tingle, he has failed miserably.
Note: My wife took a quick look at this and said She sounds like the kind who would declare “I’m not haaaapy!” and divorce in a few years.