Intermediate guide to selling divorce; overcoming women’s better judgment.

In this course we will cover how to overcome the most common concerns women have about divorce, as defined in the previous course.

Objection #1:  They will likely lose the best friend they ever had.

Your best bet here is to play up the myth of sisterhood.  Keep in mind here that Hollywood is our friend, and science and reality are our greatest enemies.  Another effective strategy is to pretend that by divorcing they won’t really lose their husband as a best friend.  For example, in Debra Kent’s master work of marketing Single in the Suburbs, the main character’s husband remained her friend after the divorce.  Don’t allow the manifest unlikelihood of this scenario to prevent you from suggesting it.  Married women are inclined to believe this if given the smallest encouragement.

Objection #2:  They will cause great harm to their kids.

There are two fundamental strategies to addressing this concern.  The first is to pretend that it isn’t true.  And as above, don’t allow the ridiculousness of the argument to prevent you from using it.  State with a straight face that they will be a better mother if they are experiencing the bliss that is divorce.  The second strategy is to appeal to your target audiences’ inflated selfishness.  Society has really handed us this one on a silver platter, so all you have to do is remind your would be divorcée that she has a right to be happy no matter who this harms.  This is where the genius of the argument that they will be a better mother if they are happy really comes in.  With one argument you can implement both strategies at once.  Don’t over-think this;  remember, their rationalization hamster is your best ally.

Objection #3: Morality (they made a promise in front of friends, family and God).

At first glance this would seem to be a difficult sell.  However, don’t forget that nearly every church and religious figure in the western world is in direct alliance with us.  If you feel this isn’t enough, you can create a fantasy world where divorcing actually makes the woman more moral.  Again, don’t allow the absurdity of this argument to prevent you from making it.  There is a third option to point out that everyone is doing it.  Yes, I know this isn’t a rational response to a moral argument, but what matters is the argument is highly effective.  Don’t be afraid to use it.

Objection #4:  Loss of financial security, especially in retirement

There are two schools of thought on how to address this obstacle.  The first is to pretend the underlying issue doesn’t exist.  Ignore altogether the fact that the cost of maintaining two households will inevitably lead to less money available for the niceties of life.  Focus instead on the initial flow of cash she will receive in the divorce as well as the lack of restrictions on spending by her husband.  This method works best on women who are generally irresponsible.  The other method is to create a fantasy world where women who divorce are magically rewarded by the universe with unexpected riches.  Again, Debra Kent’s Single in the Suburbs is a great example of how to create such a fantasy.  In her story, not only did the divorcée find out that the handyman who fell madly in love with her was secretly a multi-millionaire, but she also experienced an advancement in her career which happened as a direct result of her divorce.

Objection #5:  The bleak dating/remarriage market for divorcées and older women in general

This objection represents an interesting paradox.  While most women on a conscious level are eager to rationalize this reality away, they are still left with a nagging sense of doubt caused by both the obvious truth of the risk as well as the reality they see other divorced women experiencing.  As with the other objections there are two primary methods you can use to overcome this.  The first is to play on the “kiss a lot of frogs” rationalization that your target audience is eager to accept.  Show a scenario where a string of extremely poor options suddenly leads to an unbelievably good option as Debra Kent did with Single in the Suburbs.  Don’t get caught up trying to understand why women would actually believe this, or you are likely to give yourself a terrible headache.  The other option is to pretend that the divorcée will find her dating/marriage market value skyrockets if she goes to some exotic locale, as is the case with the extremely popular “true life” books/movies Eat Pray Love and How Stella Got Her Groove Back.

Objection #6:  The risk that they will experience health problems and not have a partner to assist them.

This is a tricky one, and most marketers elect to bypass it altogether.  However, some marketers create a fantasy world where the divorcée experiences a health scare which ultimately turns out fine.  Again, we can look to Debra Kent’s Single in the Suburbs as an outstanding example of this.

Objection #7:  The physical vulnerability experienced by single women.

Your best weapon here is outright denial.  Fortunately, feminists have already paved the way on this one.  If anyone does point this out, simply call them a misogynist or accuse them of blaming the victim.  For best results, follow up with a healthy dose of moxie and/or girl power.

Objection #8:  The likelihood that she will be happier if she remains married.

This is the aggregate effect of objections 1-7, and therefore is best addressed by using the strategies above.  If you encounter a married woman who is aware of this fact, your best bet is generally to move on to more gullible women.  Your only other option is to appeal to her emotions instead of logic.  This can be surprisingly effective and therefore is at least worth a shot.

A note on returns: Unlike other products, with divorce almost all sales are final.  In theory many women who buy your arguments could recover their losses and remarry their ex husband if they acted soon enough.  However, in those cases where the husband is gullible enough to take them back, their rationalization hamster is almost guaranteed to run out the clock.  You don’t have to make arguments which could withstand thoughtful analysis.  You merely have to create enough comfort to allow the married woman to act on her own worst impulses.  In 99% of the cases, by the time she realizes she made a mistake it will be too late.

See also: A Beginners Guide to Selling Divorce.

This entry was posted in Choice Addiction, Church Apathy About Divorce, Feminists, Grey Divorce, Marriage, Post Marital Spinsterhood, Remarriage Strike, Satire, selling divorce. Bookmark the permalink.

16 Responses to Intermediate guide to selling divorce; overcoming women’s better judgment.

  1. Pingback: A Beginners Guide to Selling Divorce. | Dalrock

  2. My Name Is Jim says:

    On most of these objections the proven approach seems to add up to contrary anecdotes.

    Luke on number four (loss of financial security), tell anecdotes about losers who rely on their wives for financial support. Thus riding the coat tails of the current feminist fashion: end of men articles. Didn’t you hear? Women are now the clear majority on college campuses, they are sure to be the primary breadwinners of society in the future. It’s the new trend, lots of women are talking about their friend of a friend whose boyfriend just lays around the house and plays xbox all day, so why have a husband?

    Which leads me to the next common argument of divorced women: You can be happy without a man. Clear thinking person would counter, happiness is not a pass/fail class. It’s something you seek, indeed work, to maximize. But this point is easy to get rid of, just keep repeating yourself over and over and soon the clear thinking person shrugs, realizes he can’t convince someone who won’t listen, and disappears. This repeat-till-you-get-the-last-word strategy works in an amazing number of situations.

  3. Dan in Philly says:

    If i do nothing else with my kids, I should impress upon them how choosing a spouse is the single most important decision of their lives. The reset button does not wipe the slate clean. Divorce is hard on men, harder on women, and hardest on children.

    My father divorced my mother when I was 15. He never told me why, but I know it was so he could be happy. If we ever have a conversation on it (and we won’t) I will tell him “I’m soooooooo glad you’re happy, dad. You made my life miserable with your selfish decision.” Ditto my ex, who persued her own happiness and when I asked her how she thought this would affect our child, responded that she wanted her daughter to know that her mother was happy, and that was being a better mother than staying as an unhappy wife. Well la-de-da for her happiness (see my post in the part 1 for how that’s working out for each of us). Regardless of how this has affected my ex, it has deeply, deeply hurt our daughter.

    1) Divorce seldom results in greater happiness than staying married,
    2) there are more important things in life than your own happiness, you miserable selfish person, you…

  4. krakonos says:

    “2) there are more important things in life than your own happiness, you miserable selfish person, you…”
    That’s the mantra I always have to turn over, when I see amount of taxes listed in my payslip (I have to pay), to not to become crazy.

  5. Eric says:

    What about Objection #9: ‘What will people think of you if you ruin a completely decent man’s life and shack up with a complete loser?’

    Answer: ‘Remind yourself that ‘all men are dogs’ anyway; and it will give your ego a tremendous boost to ‘love’ a male who is obviously so inferior to you (and everyone else). Besides, the ‘ex’ is paying alimony & child support to supplement the new guys’ bad habits, so who cares? Also, observe the kinds of men all your girlfriends are screwing and realize that other women are in no position to look down on anybody for such choices.’

  6. zed says:

    And then, there is the “Swiss Army Knife” all purpose method of convincing her that she was “abused.” It works so well that you don’t even have to counter any objections, just sweep them away as insignificant when compared to her victimization.

    A few years ago I had a woman that I had dated back in the early 1970s get back in touch with me after not hearing anything from or about her for over 30 years. She was divorced (of course), and in desperate need of a “a friend” (cue Captain Save-a-Ho theme song) to listen to her tale of woe. Oh how this dear did suffer from years of living with a man determined to tear down her sense of herself and reduce her to a quivering mass of Jello, chained to the stove in the kitchen, barefoot and pregnant.

    I can name that tune in 3 notes – it’s called “The Victim’s Lament.”

    Over the years the details of our interaction had faded behind a rosy glow of fond memories. Those lasted for about 5 minutes of conversation, and I began to remember all the fights, arguments, and screaming matches, and just exactly why I had not wanted to marry her or even continue dating her 30+ years before.

    And then, it got even better! In one of the emails we exchanged, she made the statement that she had married her ex-husband as a favor to me! I ignored it the first time she said it like a well-brought-up child might ignore their 90 y/o aunt passing gas at the dinner table. And, she repeated it with emphasis – she married this guy who was so “abusive” to her, as a favor to me!

    This was no ordinary rationalization hamster at work here, this was a rationalization were-hamster, a veritable rationalization hamster-zilla.

    Now, a few years later she is in her early 60s, laid off from her job, with no employment prospects in sight, and hasn’t had a real date since her divorce. Of course, I, being the heartless cad that I am, have steadfastly refused to discharge my obligation to her for the favor of marrying some other guy, by offering to bail her out of any part of her self-inflicted poor circumstances.

    See, they are right, all men are bastards. 😉

  7. …there is the “Swiss Army Knife” all purpose method of convincing her that she was “abused.”

    Tell them “no”, it’s abuse.

    Don’t pedestalize them, it’s abuse.

    Don’t give them enough attention, it’s abuse.

    “Abuse” can become an important diet for the rationalization hamster.

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  9. Badger says:

    What’s wild is that I know exactly which of your posts you are linking to without mouse-overing the links.

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  13. Thinkn'Man says:

    “overcoming women’s better judgment.”
    Women’s better judgement…
    Jumbo Shrimp…
    Awfully Good…

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