Lifetime Movie of the Week: I me wed.

The recent discussion of Emotional Pornography along with Welmer’s recent post on the Spearhead about the woman who went on her honeymoon without her husband reminded me that I had snagged this screenshot back in November:

As with nearly all emo porn, key to the plot is the premise that women don’t really ever have to choose, and that choices don’t have consequences.  I was going to share the plot summary from Wiki, but I found the trailer on youtube instead.  I know it is painful, but sometimes we have to confront evil to truly understand it.  In addition to the standard chick crack warning, I’ll also advise my readers to have an airsick bag handy.  If you think you can only handle one small segment of video, skip the trailer and look at the next one.

I know what you are thinking, they forgot to remind women to be true to themselves!  What if she forgets and considers the needs of others or feels compelled to keep promises she makes?  It could destroy her!  Not to worry, I found the ending on youtube when looking for the trailer.  Start at 5:00 in to see her vow to be self centered and shallow.  Then skip to 6:00 to see her bemoan the fact that she gave up the chance to have a real wedding in order to be true to herself, only to have the guy come crawling back on a horse drawn carriage.  Then she meets a secret-mulit-millionare hunky handyman, who–  wait, that is another story.

This entry was posted in Feminists, Finding a Spouse, Lifetime Movie of the Week, Marriage, Movies. Bookmark the permalink.

13 Responses to Lifetime Movie of the Week: I me wed.

  1. Helvetica says:

    BLECCHH barf barf. That is pretty horrible stuff there, you are a brave man to wade into that. I only made it 3/4 of the way through the trailer.

    Incidentally, I never read romance emoporn even before I discovered the MRM/manosphere. When I was a teenager, people would try to get me to read them because I “should”. I read a few – tried to pick the ones with less sex in them (I know, I am weird) and generally did not like them one bit. I quit in the middle of a few books. All told, I can probably count on one hand the number of emoporn books that I have read in my entire life. And I was only attempting them because people said I should read them.

    One thing that I have realized is that it is not just the relationship advice in these books that is suspect – it is ALL the advice. This includes career advice, time management advice, medical advice, and childrearing advice – it is ALL bad, throw it out. This eliminates 89% of all female advice in the world.

  2. CSPB says:

    What a hoot! Emo-porn always has a happy ending. I was all weepy but all is still well in the land of unicorns.

    [D: Comment of the day!]

  3. HarmonicaFTW says:

    I just vomited into my vomit from the trailer.

  4. Thag Jones says:

    I wish it were possible to unsee something. If you hadn’t posted the trailers I would have thought this was one of your jokes.

  5. grerp says:

    Horrific. The actor playing Collin, the boyfriend, is a Paul Rudd wannabe too. The whole thing is absolutely execrable from start to finish, but somehow the thing that offends me most viscerally is the biracial, gay best friend “wedding” officiant in bride drag. I mean, they’re forcing a lot on the average viewer, although most of it is Cosmo “truth” serum we have become used to swallowing, but the man made into an even more foolish version of a woman? As emotionally wise? I realize every single character is an emo dimwit, but still. The male cast should not be in entirety an either/or of pedestalizing stud or fairy godmother.

  6. collegeslacker says:

    Does anyone know where I can get a cheap rug doctor? And if geek squad will clean vomit from keyboards?

  7. Eric says:

    Since we’re talking about weddings and matchmaking services, here’s a link to a video put out by a major company. A really good illustration of the way women seek relationships.

  8. Thag Jones says:

    Did anyone else notice how much “Beyaz” sounds like “B.S.”?

    [D: I was thinking biatch, but B.S. works too.]

  9. Eric says:

    Of course, it’s more ‘BS’. But it’s how women view relationships: shopping for men like they do perfume (well, not exactly; at least they want quality when they look for perfumes)!

    But with no-fault divorce, abortion-on-demand, refusals to take a husband’s name, and now, to crown it all, opting for going on honeymoons alone: how does anyone seriously believe that anglo-american women actually LIKE men? Their inherent misandry fumes like noxious gases out of every fiber of their being.

    The whole US dating scene is a fool’s game. Everything Dalrock has been posting here is the norm; not the exceptions to the rules. The safest and sanest thing for men to do is opt out of it.

  10. Helvetica says:

    So I had some other thoughts w/r/t romance novels. My sister is big time into them and has forced a bunch of the most putrid ones on me (amazing what we do for family) until I told her no mas, I can’t stomach these.

    These books promote weird sexual stuff, like the following:
    Polygamy – I was forced to read a book (didn’t finish it) where a married woman goes back in time and gets married again, gets pregnant and brings her baby back to the future and all is well. (*urgh vomit vomit*) Apparently there are like 7-8 of these in a series.
    Sibling sex – One where these 2 teens didn’t know they were half siblings, another where siblings got high during a wiccan ceremony and did it.
    Rape fantasy – a book rewriting a famous rape scene from the Bible, where they actually wanted to do it and it wasn’t rape.
    “Sex ed” – where the woman is so naive she has never seen a man naked so he has to educate her.
    Spell sex – where people get a spell cast on them so they have to do it or else.
    All manner of homosexuality and homo rape.
    Voyeurism – watching people do it.
    Unknown child paternity all over the place.

    So I’m sure you didn’t need this list to know that romance emoporn is very very bad, but just know that it is even worse than you think it is.

  11. Anonymous Reader says:

    Helvetica, it would seem that the current crop of emo-porn writers spent a lot of time reading certain newsgroups in the 1990’s that specialized in amateur-written hardcore porn. Because those plots remind me of things that were found downloaded into certain computers that were part of disciplinary proceedings in various organizations that I was part of.

    And this suggests to me that the modern emo-porn in a book/magazine is not competing necessarily with TV or movies, but maybe with with text-based stuff online, and not just what Dalrock’s good wife found, either. In other words, Barnes & Noble is selling softer core versions of hardcore online porn.

  12. Pingback: Contaminated Emo-Porn | The Badger Hut

  13. theasdgamer says:

    A real clustergagvomit. 🙂 Dudes, don’t watch this when you’re eating!

    I think that dalrock is missing the deep hidden meaning in emo-porn. 😉

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