Anonymous Reader raised some great points the other day about the risk to a man of being fooled into marrying a woman who wasn’t worthy of marrying:
“Honest woman” isn’t enough. There’s plenty of nasty skunks in kitten’s clothing, SolomonII has just flushed one out. Any man who is actually looking for a woman to marry needs to know this, and we need further tests to separate the skunks from the house cats. It would be a good thing if men did not have to do this, but that’s unicorn / rainbow territory.
Dalrock, SolomonII has found exactly what I was pointing out to you in another thread. That deacon’s daughter is a classic example of an “honest woman”; she’s church going, she surely participated in all sorts of youth activities in her church growing up, no doubt she can recite some Scripture, and she’ll drop her top for SolomonII after a handful of texts, followed by her panties.
I bet she could pass a majority of the tests you list in “how to find an honest woman”, too, and rationalize all the lies that she’d have to tell to do so. Maybe you get my point, now?
The context of his comments are my assertion in Gaming your wife that:
The foundation for her commitment to your marriage shouldn’t be your game. If she is only one, or a few, or even 50 failed shit tests away from walking away from her sacred vow and/or whoring around, then she isn’t a wife, she is a whore. Don’t marry a whore*. Game should be about making you and your wife happier with your marriage, not about putting the sole onus for the success of the marriage on you.
He was also referencing the questions I proposed in my Interviewing a Prospective Wife Part II post (if you haven’t read that post this one won’t make as much sense).
The first thing I want to stress is that the risk he is discussing is very real. Any man who decides to marry needs to seriously consider this possibility. In the end, the man himself (and his future children) will reap the fruits or bear the burden of the outcome. The risks and rewards are enormous. Only the man himself can make the judgment on whether to marry and if so which woman to marry.
As I mentioned in my Interviewing a Prospective Wife posts, the legal and social deck is stacked against men in marriage. Women are all but encouraged to break their most solemn promise for whatever reason strikes their fancy. This leaves only the woman’s own moral compass as the force compelling her to keep her sacred commitment. Fortunately such women still exist, and I do think there are ways to greatly increase your odds of finding such a woman.
One thing to keep in mind is that while attitudes are changing the vast majority of other men still aren’t thinking perfectly clearly about this. Who reading this hasn’t cringed when a friend or relative rationalized away obvious red flags visible in their future wife? And how many other men have you tried to explain the things we discuss in the manosphere to, only to have them respond with vehement denial? This is all backed up by the marriage rate stats. Pretty much every slut, harpy, and morally flaky woman who chooses to marry is still able to find a
Applying this to Solomon II’s Deacon’s daughter (NSFW), I think a man truly looking for the signs would be able to spot them. Keep in mind that after taking an extended ride on the carousel what she is likely to be looking for is a beta provider, and unfortunately clueless betas still aren’t hard to find. While it is theoretically possible that she will put in the hard work to make herself seem just like the real deal, far more likely she will find some hapless beta who won’t look past the assets in the text message and the certified deacon’s daughter stamp of approval.
But not only is finding a sucker easy, credibly faking being a moral woman is not an easy task. In the interview questions one of the things I stress is will she judge other women who are promiscuous or divorce frivolously. You can take this a step further by testing her words with (hypothetical) future action. Would she drop her best friend if she divorced without very serious cause? Would she refuse to attend a second wedding? What if it was for her sister? Would she tell your children that parents who divorce frivolously are bad people?
Remember we live in a world where even religious people cringe at the very idea of passing any sort of moral judgment on women. Unless you give away the show in how you raise the issue, a faker is very likely to give herself away. A woman who holds in the back of her mind the right to divorce if she is unhappy/bored/etc isn’t going to want to teach her kids that doing so would make her a bad person. The same goes for her expectations in marriage. A woman not serious about marriage won’t want to accept clear obligations as a wife. Chances are she hasn’t even considered it.
Plus rationalization is the hallmark of a dishonest woman. Some may be outright sociopaths, but most have told themselves that what they did wasn’t really wrong. Asking them to judge women who first date bad boys and then find nice guys, or who slut around before deciding to marry goes against everything the hamster stands for. The reality is 99% of the time the hamster will eventually win. With the garden variety flaky woman/carouseler, you aren’t dealing with a diabolical schemer, you are dealing with an over fed and over-entitled hamster. Poor impulse control is the hallmark of such a woman. Tempt her hamster often enough and it will give itself away.
Also, don’t ignore the importance of making sure she really is in love with you. This will weed out almost all of the unsuitable women all by itself. Women who have been slutty or who have an unreasonable assessment of their own value are almost guaranteed not to fall fully in love with you unless you are super alpha. This is why I use the term head over heels in love. If she isn’t there and you have given it enough time to develop, drive on. Something is broken which no amount of future marriage counseling can fix.
H/T to Jack for coining the perfect title for this post.