Susan Walsh has a great blog post on Hooking Up Smart titled I Found a Great Beta Guy, But He’s Ruining His Own Game! It features a series of letters Susan received from a reader named Casey about the clueless guy she is dating. Here are some key excerpts from Casey’s letters to Susan:
Recently, I became involved with a guy who is the epitome of a great, good, beta guy. He is handsome, nice, fun, and so so caring.
We met through grad school. We’ve been classmates for a while, but never more than just casual acquaintances.Then in May we started becoming close friends. We clicked really well. Soon quick phone calls about assignments became one hour chats about politics, then three hour talks about life, and then a couple of all nighter phone calls (which I haven’t done since high school!)
Things got even more interesting when we both broke up with out significant others this summer. We started hanging out even more and talking everyday. But we have never talked about “us.” We haven’t even really talked about our break ups. I thought that maybe he just wanted to be my friend but then the other night we kissed…more like made out. He was a total gentleman and walked me into my apartment, then left. I liked that. However, since that night he hasn’t tried anything else!!!
Our kiss was perfect and I had so much fun making out..I don’t understand why he hasn’t tried more. Maybe I am too used to horny, eager, alpha males (which is basically all I have ever dated), but I am dying for more sexual attention!!!
He seems old fashioned…traditional…formal and very much the gentleman so I don’t know how to bring this up without sounding like a slut. He has told me straight out that he isn’t into flings. He also told me his relationship was over way before he actually had the courage to break up with his ex. So I am not sure if maybe he sees me as a potential gf in the near future. But regardless, I am getting mixed signals and I am not sure what to do. I’d love to know your thoughts!!
How clueless can this guy be? Maybe he can still catch on and recover. Casey continues in her next letter to Susan:
In the hook up department, we’ve done all but actual sex. He told me he likes to go slow when it comes to that. He said he has been trying to change from the way he used to be when he was younger. He said that not only does he have to care about the girl that he is sleeping with but he would also prefer that the relationship be exclusive.
I am beginning to see a problem that I have seen with other beta type guys. I think I overwhelm these beta guys! So here is the situation, we were at dinner over the weekend. Everything was going great. But then I ran into some friends and it started to go downhill. He became very timid. It was very awkward. They sat down with us for about 10 min while they waited for their table and they asked him questions like, “So how is the job search going after grad school?” His answer: “Uh…I don’t know, I’m not really sure.” It was so bizarre. He came off as sheepish and lacking a personality.
The end of the night was the worst part. We went to meet some mutual friends for a drink. There was music playing so naturally, I started dancing. He stayed by the wall and just watched me even though I tried to get him to dance. I came back after two songs and he and another guy were talking about politics, so I chimed in. As soon as I opened my mouth (and I didn’t talk much) he stopped talking. From this point on it was very clear he was acting totally weird. And this isn’t new. It has been happening. He is acting more and more shy instead of opening up.
Fortunately for Casey, things might be looking up:
Just yesterday I met a guy at a friend’s BBQ who was exactly that–socially dominant. I found him extremely attractive. We hit it off instantly. He asked for my number (at 2pm). I heard from him at 11:30 pm. He sent a text that read: “What are you doing? Feel like coming over?” Are you kidding me?! My beta guy would never do that. He is too nice and polite for that. While BBQ guy wants to hook up with me the very night he meets me and doesn’t actually care about getting to know me, the Beta guy wants to get to know me yet gets too intimidated and ruins his own game. What to do??
Obviously this guy is a lost cause and just plain too beta. What can you do? I don’t think there is any hope for him. But reading her story of the clueless guy reminded me of a letter I received from a reader of this blog about a clueless girl he is dating. It really is funny to see how both men and women can at times be so profoundly unaware of how they come off. So here is one for the guys to keep things even:
I wanted to get your advice on this beautiful girl I just started dating. We both go to the same grad school, and really started to hit if off especially after we each broke off our current relationships over the summer. At first it seemed like we had great chemistry. Several times we even ended up talking on the phone all night. I was thinking we had an amazing connection. Then I asked her out for dinner found out she is the date from hell!
I took her out to dinner over the weekend, and everything was going great until her friends show up. Instead of waving to them and saying she will connect with them later, she invites them to join us. On our date! I mean it, she had them all sit at our table in the middle of our date for at least 10 minutes. Who does this? So they all sit down at our table– did I mention during our date?– and proceed to grill me about why I haven’t gotten a job yet! Instead of shooing them away, she sat there silently and took a posture of “Yeah, what’s that all about?”.
But it got worse from there. After she was so rude on our dinner date we went over to see some mutual friends. As soon as we got there she just started dancing by herself! It was really awkward. One of my buddies looked over at me like “what’s up with your date?”. With this girl everything is about her. I was glad for the space after what she pulled at dinner, so I started a conversation with my friend. Once she was done dancing by herself she came over and interrupted our conversation. I just shut up because at this point I was really pissed off, but I’m not sure she got the hint. In fact, she had this really judgmental air about her. The ruder she got, the more she acted like I was doing something wrong.
On top of all of this, I told her I wanted to be exclusive one night after we made out and she didn’t acknowledge it. It made me feel really dumb; I had put myself out there and she acted like it was no big deal, and she definitely didn’t reciprocate. It was so awkward I decided just to walk her home after that. I really wasn’t in the mood to fool around with a flake. Later I thought it was maybe just a misunderstanding so I tried taking her out to dinner. Now I know my first instinct was right. She seems very interested in talking to other guys, and I’m hearing from others in our mutual social circle that this is the way she always is. Even while you are dating her you pretty much know she is giving other guys her number.
Anyway, she is totally clueless and I’m trying to give her the hint now that I’ve seen what she is really like. You know “it’s not you, it’s me”. I hate breaking up with girls, and actually stayed with my last girlfriend after it was over because I didn’t want to go through the drama of a breakup. Now I have to deal with the drama for a girl in my circle of friends who wouldn’t even agree to be exclusive. I don’t even understand that. How can I better give her the hint?
His story is pretty amazing too! How clueless can a girl be?
If I didn’t know better, I’d say I made his letter up.
Edit Sept 23: I’m closing off comments on this post. I think everything has pretty much already been said. As someone on Susan’s blog said “anything more is just lawyering over the corpse”.
“There was music playing so naturally, I started dancing. ”
That would be the end of that for me. A girl who just starts dancing by herself at a bar is clearly a narcissist who wants male attention.
Eh, I don’t think she did anything wrong. Who says a person can’t talk to their friends for a little bit if they run into them on a date? It’s happened to me before and it was no big deal. This is an excellent opportunity to show social proof. You flirt with her friends a little bit, show them how charming you are, and make them jealous that your date nabbed such a great guy.
The girl states in her letter that she tried to get him to dance with her and he refused. Women love dancing. A man who is insecure about dancing is a big turn off. If he wasn’t in the mood, he should have just gone up for one song (showed off his abilities) and then gone back to where he was.
The conversation interruption possibly peeved him off. Best ways to do that is to pretend like you didn’t hear the girl and continue talking, give her the glare and continue talking, or neg her for interrupting you and continue your conversation.
Maybe the girl was annoying and rude, but the guy really didn’t display the signs of an attractive male with high social dominance at all.
Hilarious that she honestly thinks she is “too intimidating” and “overwhelming”. I guess this is a subset of the “afraid of a strong women” lie they tell themselves.
I find it amazing how truly enthusiastic she is to be treated like a booty call. Far be it from me to call the girl stupid and immoral. That would be judgmental. We can only say that her morality and intelligence are not a good match for his, right?
He ran some very effective quality-checking on her character, that is for sure. Good for him.
I think it is also a crack up that Susan’s advice to her is all about “what is wrong with him”, while completely affirming every aspect of our beautiful and intelligent little narcissist.
Great exemplification of how the girl’s club works: you are perfect, it is ALWAYS his fault.
Good catch. Thanks. I’ve fixed it now.
I gotta admit it, D; this girl even appalled me. Me, mind you! Me!! WTF?
Funny post, BTW. But sad too.
For the record, I think you’ve put Casey in the worst possible light. You ascribe motives to her that if true, would make her a narcissist. But you’ve made a lot of assumptions about her character here, including disrespecting her date by inviting friends to crash it, and interrupting him to show off herself. JKLC is the only person who responded impartially, and even he took your satire at face value.
This might be quite a laugh if she were some hypothetical person, or even someone who has proved her lack of character and has got it coming to her. In my opinion, she hasn’t done that, and is currently participating in the comment thread on my blog. I’ll delete the pingback so she won’t see the ridicule in the comments here. Ridicule me by all means, but I don’t think she deserves this.
You may be right, Susan, or not. But, the letter from her expects people to make a lot of assumptions, too, all to put him in a bad light without hearing his side of it. Most men here took another look at it. It is interesting that the one person who agreed with you, you called impartial, how funny. We tire of constant male bashing and hearing only the woman’s side of things. Times are changing. Get used to it.
Also: Casey is a sock puppet for a man. You’ve been snookered.
“For the record, I think you’ve put Casey in the worst possible light.”
But I think that’s the point…to show how the facts of Casey’s behavior can be interpreted a certain way, much like the facts of the man’s behavior are interpreted in a certain non-malicious but still negative way, and how she might be giving off signals she isn’t aware of.
To those criticizing Susan, I suggest you read her entire response and comments on her own blog, she’s quite even-handed with the whole thing. To her credit she didn’t tell her to just dump his butt and have him “deal with it.” As I made clear on HUS, Casey appears to be trying to form something with good intentions but ultimately is just not enough into him to accept his faults – if they’ve been trying for four months and have demurred on exclusivity it’s just not going to happen. It all seems very “Along Came Polly,” trying to break him out of his shell. IRL this usually builds resentment and mistrust. I advised she be done with it soon before somebody gets hurt.
I agree. If she’s serious, she should get out of the way and let him find someone else.
For the record, I think you’ve put Casey in the worst possible light.
All I did was speculate how her actions likely were perceived by her date. The fact that she looks really bad when you consider this isn’t my doing.
But you’ve made a lot of assumptions about her character here, including disrespecting her date by inviting friends to crash it, and interrupting him to show off herself.
None at all. She said her friends crashed the date and sat down at their table for 10 minutes. She said they started asking questions which made him uncomfortable. She said her response to this was to judge his performance (vs take normal courteous action). What really amazes me is that the idea that she had any obligation under etiquette and/or common human courtesy is considered beyond discussion. I’ll expand on this shortly in a separate post.
I’ll delete the pingback so she won’t see the ridicule in the comments here.
That is certainly your right. But everything in this post I wrote first as comments to your blog. The whole thing was a copy/paste operation of either my own comments or your posting of her own words. I only wrote a few sentences to tie it all together. Your reaction is so far out of proportion that I’m honestly just stunned.
Whoops, that should read “if she’s NOT serious.”
To be clear, I said Casey was being ridiculed in the comments, not the piece. You did indeed post it first on my blog, so that was not what I was concerned about her seeing.
Young people in bars today, especially students, don’t tend to dance in pairs. Most commonly, one sees large groups of women dancing together. It is very typical for someone to enter a club and start dancing if they feel like it, without signaling a rejection of the person they are with, or a need to be the center of attention. I don’t know whether she tried to get him to dance from the start, or only after she’d been dancing alone – she doesn’t say.
This is probably just a misunderstanding based on your imagined version, but she says she chimed in a conversation, not highjacked it.
She does use these words, but only after the guy tells her that he has never been with someone before who is “the whole package” and that he likes her a lot and doesn’t want to screw things up, so he tends to stay quiet. I think intimidated is a fair characterization of the way he represented himself. Overwhelmed may or may not be an exaggeration.
She was not enthusiastic to be treated like a booty call. She specifically said that she was put off by his presumptive behavior, and compared him unfavorably to “her beta guy.” She rejected the BBQ guy. She did say she found him extremely attractive, hardly surprising, as he displayed enormous social dominance. However, she was unenthusiastic when he made a move.
I accept all criticisms of myself, and take responsibility for my spin/advice.
Fair enough. I would only point out that as a woman advising a woman in this case, it was bound to happen. We don’t have the male side of things here because he didn’t write to me. FWIW, I have published other posts written by men, and I hope I have been fair and not indulged in male bashing.
I made a bad judgment call with this post. I failed to anticipate the likely response from men in the comment thread. I’m sure Casey is sorry she ever wrote to me, but that’s my fault for airing her question. She may be a person of poor character, and he may be a man of exemplary character. Or not. I don’t believe we have the information to render a verdict on that question.
I didn’t see any comments which went beyond the pale. Actually it struck me as comparable to what some said on your blog. And other commenters took her side.
The response of many was to assume this was an attack on her. She does come off very badly when you consider how her date likely viewed her actions, but this wasn’t what I was specifically getting at. The joke was: clueless man, clueless woman, clueless narrator (me). It seemed to take a life of its own and each reader interpreted it differently based on their own perspective.
She may be a person of poor character, and he may be a man of exemplary character. Or not. I don’t believe we have the information to render a verdict on that question.
I think we have enough to come to some basic conclusions. He would benefit from learning how to better command social situations. When he realized she wasn’t going to call her date crashing friends off, it would have served him well to know how to lead instead of feeling overwhelmed. From her own writing I would say she has very limited concern for how her actions impact others. It simply didn’t occur to her that having her friends sit down at their table during dinner wasn’t polite. She likes friends, friends are fun, friends sit at table. She doesn’t say if he paid or not, but he asked her out so either way he deserved some very basic courtesy. If she didn’t intend to focus her attention on him at least while sitting at the restaurant, she really shouldn’t have accepted the date. I’m not sure when that became controversial. I’m also surprised that I was the first to note this basic point. Not only did she not offer basic courtesy, she lacks the self awareness to at least try to explain why she didn’t. Same with when she notices their questions are making him uncomfortable. A normal reaction would be to want to cut this off. But her whole focus was on judging his performance.
Perhaps he is a shy little violet, overwhelmed by the totality of her looks, wit, and charm. Given that he is post-graduate school, probably mid 20’s, and not a virgin, I doubt this.
Or perhaps he is put off by her rude and narcissistic behavior, and is telling her polite lies because he is uncomfortable telling her what a buffoon she is. Maybe he wants to keep stringing her along with sweet talk and flatery, which every man learns, is especially effective on a narcissist.
Sounds to me like he is running some sophisticated man-game on her. Intimacy– emotional withdrawl — display of higher value, repeat.
Whatever the case of their relative social skills, this guy is clearly looking for a more mature relationship, and is obviously fed up by the flaky and promiscuous college girl routine.
Susan, if you really wanted to give her some good advice, you would call the girl out on her flaky behavior and tell her to act more mature and stable. Like you know, not treating a date like it was a junior high lunch table, not running off to dance without her date, not throwing her opinions into a political conversation two men are having, etc. These are all behaviors of a spastic high school/college girl.
Susan, this is just silly:
“She was not enthusiastic to be treated like a booty call. She specifically said that she was put off by his presumptive behavior, and compared him unfavorably to “her beta guy.” She rejected the BBQ guy. She did say she found him extremely attractive, hardly surprising, as he displayed enormous social dominance. However, she was unenthusiastic when he made a move.”
She gave him his number, and was replying to his texts. This is immature, spastic, promiscuous, teen-ager behavior. After some physical, and lots of emotional, intimacy with her “beta” guy, she it off giving her digits out to the first smooth-talker that comes along. How can you defend this behavior? Nothing signals “promiscuous” and “undependable” more than what she just did.
Well, to state the obvious, I think with the letters Casey wrote a range of interpretations is possible. Personally, I had a different response, probably colored by my interactions with college students. They generally don’t date. That’s the first thing – they hang out, and most often in groups. Hanging out alone is the first major step towards being something more than friends, though it doesn’t always mean that. Casey and this guy were talking and hanging out for a few months before this meal. In month three she wrote to me saying they had made out and she wanted to do more of that, but was uncertain whether he “thought of her that way.” She was not confident of his feelings. In month four, she writes about the dinner. So…not really a “date” in the traditional sense of the word. She said in the comment thread at HUS that it was a diner – a local student hangout. Personally, I think most people at a popular local diner would be unlikely to consider a couple there in need of privacy. I pictured the friends waiting for a table and just sort of hanging out at their table for ten minutes – again, all very casual. In that kind of setting and situation I would expect them both to be pleasant and cordial, though I agree that it would have been nice if she had wrapped things up and said, “see you guys later.”
I do think the questions about his job search were uncalled for, and I said so. I told her she should not be judging him for his response. It would have been more considerate of her to declare the topic off-limits, but also potentially more awkward – as if he needed her to defend him. Why couldn’t he just laugh it off and say “it’s going, thanks” or “hanging in there?” That strikes me as a basic social skill – we all have to navigate uncomfortable moments.
As for the text, she does not say that she returned it. He sent it and her response was “Are you kidding me?” but I believe it was just what she thought. It’s fair to ask why she gave her number out but she said in the comments that she and the shy guy had agreed they would not be exclusive. Some guys have said that was clearly her wish, others have surmised he knew she would not make a good GF. I don’t know exactly how that conversation went down, but she was not violating his trust or cheating on him in any way.
I don’t mean to beat a dead horse here – as I said above, I clearly misjudged how men would feel about the issue. She may be guilty of insensitivity to his feelings, more out of thoughtlessness than any real malice. I just think calling her immoral, promiscuous and of poor character is a bit much.
I will admit that I feel protective of the people who write to me – both girls and guys, and I blame myself for setting her up before a firing squad!
Nice post. The retelling of the “identical” story from two entirely different perspectives reminds me of the Kevin Bacon movie He Said; She Said (which, if you’ve not seen, is worth the rental–if you can find it). It should go to show that there’s no single, sanitary vantage point when thinking about social interactions (or anything, really). The sexes approach the world with different agendas and biases which simply can’t be avoided. Any description–and I do mean any description of a dating scenario–is going to assume motives and details that a partner’s description won’t, and vice versa.
…But merely knowing this fact is the solution. It’s the taking of the “blue pill”. Anything else, such as trying to “fix” another’s frame and agenda, is an exercise in futility.
To the girl in this case, if she’s asking what’s “wrong” with this guy, she’s asking herself the wrong question and in the very asking of it, puts herself in the spot of forever feeling frustrated. He’s simply just got a “different” frame and agenda. If she wants to move the relationship along, she’s got to learn his language and buttons and then “surf” on top of them. …And to the guy, even though his letter is hypothetical, he would need to do the same. (Note to this “guy”: “game” is the description of a common female relationship frame and agenda.)
Finally, it’s possible they both have relationship goals (as in, she wants a player; he wants a Madonna) that simply don’t overlap enough to be worth the darn effort!
The fact is, commitment-minded men are A LOT more sensitive to cues of promiscuity than other women are. They can’t afford to make a mistake, especially in today’s climate (written about extensively in the manosphere). They certainly don’t want a woman who is going to have any association with the words “loose” or “slut.” The expression “fun-loving” sounds fine to us girls, but to guys it raises huge red flags. It’s not really anything new under the sun either. Men have always valued chaste and pure women with morals and self-discipline.
I was no saint myself in my past, and I’m not a virgin. How I proved my long-term worth to my husband is by being good just about every step of the way. From the beginning I told him I don”t party, go out to clubs or bars, drink, smoke, or use drugs. We were in the same social circle, and I never flirted with or even really talked to any of the other guys in that circle. I changed my style of dress as soon as he said skirt length above the knee is not good. I stopped frequent contact with former male friends, and began associating with only other women in stable LTRs at work. Men see me and know just from my dress and body language that I’m taken. It was not worth the risk of being seen as a less than faithful and loyal girl to do these things, and it was worth the effort to be with an amazing man.
Although this girl did say in her subsequent posts that she’s not looking for marriage at her stage, she is a few months older than me and still doesn’t seem to understand what men (even dominant men) want in a woman before real commitment. It’s hard to change out of those habits later, and she may wonder why guys judge her harshly for “innocent” and “harmless” behavior. They might seem so to women, but they are definitely warnings to men to stay away or at least not view her as solid long-term material. It’s not unreasonable to change one’s behavior to minimize risks.
Incidentally, dominant men can afford to be the most choosy about the virtues and faithfulness of their women. My husband was very choosy, and he is definitely a fairly dominant man. He never told me what I should or should not do, never forced me to do anything against my will, and always told me it was my choice. But I knew that if I had been a more flirty girl who showed less loyalty and wanted to “date around a bit” instead of showing him my devotion and love, he would have just let me go. He wouldn’t have tried to change me or control me, but he wouldn’t have gone through with asking me to move in with him and later marry him.
Susan, you said, “She may be guilty of insensitivity to his feelings, more out of thoughtlessness than any real malice.”
To me, that is the very definition of narcissism. Other people’s feelings simply don’t register. I think you as her “moral advisor” would do well to get her to think a bit reflectively, rather than just affirming her sense of superiority in this situation.
“I just think calling her immoral, promiscuous and of poor character is a bit much.”
This is a good point. Narcissistic females are not really immoral. They are amoral. I think you fail to consider how much damage they cause to the men in their lives. Sometimes their thoughtless mistreatment of men comes back to haunt them, depending on the self-control and maturity of the man whose heart and self-respect they are toying with.
Dalrock: Here are two novels with this parallel subjective narration:
And a movie:
Pulp fiction and Short cuts have some similar elements.
Why couldn’t he just laugh it off and say “it’s going, thanks” or “hanging in there?” That strikes me as a basic social skill – we all have to navigate uncomfortable moments.
I think it says something about the readership and maybe men in general that this social skill is seen as a challenge.
Narcissistic females are not really immoral. They are amoral. I think you fail to consider how much damage they cause to the men in their lives. Sometimes their thoughtless mistreatment of men comes back to haunt them, depending on the self-control and maturity of the man whose heart and self-respect they are toying with.
Having once been engaged to a narcissist, I can attest that the same is true of male narcissists and the women they screw over. My narcissist is now on his third wife–with kids from each one. What a mess!! A bullet dodged!
It is hard to make a perfect comparison, but a man’s career is probably most similar to a woman’s appearance or weight. Under the right setting, asking a man about his job search isn’t that big a deal, and probably similar to how it would make a woman looking for a job feel. In this setting it was more like asking a woman how her diet was going.
I will admit that I feel protective of the people who write to me – both girls and guys
I can respect this, and your sincerity and passion here are clear.
Thanks. I love your blog, I think you’re great. Just wanted to state that – none of this is personal. Baaah, not one of my best posts, but thanks for the link anyway.
Tomorrow is another day!
Lavazza, I don’t know April Witch Novel, but your other recommendations are favorites of mine! Will check it out!
Thanks Susan. Likewise.
It is a very good read. Most reviews concentrate on other elements of the book, but what I found fun was this parallel subjective narration from the foster care sisters who are of extremely different personalities.
So, this guy has just graduated into the worst job environment in what? Two decades?
So he is having trouble finding a job and this is effecting his confidence. Pumpkins response to this is to call in her friends to interrogate him so she can see “his worth” by their ten minute judgment of him. It’s cruel to him, and it’s stupid for her. Like they can judge him in any real way in ten minutes? If she had SENSE she would have arranged some activity for her friends and him to go together on.
And yeah, her friends are real treasures to. Straight for the throat. “Have you found a job yet?”
So, let’s get the “worst case” for him out of the way. He does sleep with her. Falls in love with her. But he doesn’t have a job six months from now and she dumps him and bangs some random gym guy. He is destroyed. No job, he let go of many of his friends when he started dating “the one”. Maybe he even moved, hypothetically, to another city to make her crazy self happy.
And then he kills himself.
That’s the worst case. So yeah, he didn’t sleep with her. Good call.
I must have written a harsher post than I realized. As J said this one really is touching a nerve on both sides.
Casey provided an update on the original HUS thread. She has been pulling away and he went full beta on her. She is breaking it off, and the advice to her on the thread was not to push to remain friends. Seems like the best possible outcome to me, albeit with hurt feelings on his side and not a positive experience for her either.
Well, worst case is worst case….
but what part isn’t possible?
She pretty much announces her “judge boyfriend” rather than “support boyfriend” policy. Watching with her cold eyes as her friends hammer him about not having a job. And he doesn’t deal with it like a MAN should!
That’s a big waving red flag right there.
He clearly can be hurt by a woman “loving and leaving him”…. he pretty much says he has been hurt in the past and that’s why he didn’t sleep with her.
He doesn’t have a job right now, so he is particularly vulnerable.
Sure, that’s worse case. But there is nothing in her letter bearing one single bit of evidence that she is even capable of being supportive. Or having basic empathy for another human being. That she wouldn’t bail if he “failed” her… or even wasn’t sufficiently entertaining.
Sure, he might get a job a month from now….
and then my scenario wouldn’t happen.
Sure, he might be tougher than that…..
and then my scenario wouldn’t happen.
Sure, against all evidence, she might actually be capable of holding back her desire to hit a man down as hard as possible…
and then my scenario wouldn’t happen.
That’s why it’s called worse case. Worst thing that could happen, from the people as they are shown.
She does seem to lack any empathy.
He does seem to be a wounded romantic. Without a job.
All the pieces are in place, and the Worst Case could happen.
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