My wife is not only sexy and brilliant, but also a pretty patient woman. She puts up with me checking out Pickup Artist sites like
Roissy Citizen Renegade Heartiste, and dating sites like Hooking Up Smart. She understands and supports what I’m doing with this blog, and knows how those sites fit into the larger picture. We happen to have just had a discussion on exactly this topic. I had to chuckle when I learned that what really bothers her is that I call myself a Beta. This really ticks her off. I don’t know how to say this without sounding like I’m bragging, but she is adamant that I’m alpha.
I tried explaining that I didn’t define the terms, and that I’m just following Citizen Renegade’s definition of Alpha. But even after I defined the terms, she still wasn’t happy. And it wasn’t that she wanted to think of me as a Pickup Artist who would have affairs on her (2 affair min to qualify as lesser alpha). This is a good thing, because I’m old enough to know for sure that I’m not that guy.
None of it made sense to her until I remembered a fantastic new show we watched last night called Man Woman Wild. Remember the amazingly cool guy on the show last night? He’s Beta.
If you don’t believe me, cross check CR’s definition of Alpha linked above with the show description and tell me this guy isn’t a Greater Beta:
Mykel Hawke is a former Special Forces survival expert. His wife, Ruth England, is a TV journalist. Together, they take on some of the most forbidding and remote locations in the world. Dropped into each spot with only a knife and the clothes on their backs, they must survive as a team for four days and nights. As they test their will and their marriage, the two find common ground standing up to nature as husband and wife in the wildest places on Earth.
I know what you are thinking: What a loser! The guy does stuff with his wife! And they find common ground! Doesn’t he know women are only good for a pump and dump? This guy is soo beta.
And you are right. Except for the loser part and the whole pump and dump thing. And the fact that I feel that way is what proves that I am Beta.
Part of the problem is the way CR views the world. To him anyone who doesn’t share his values is less of a man. I disagree but at the same time acknowledge that in his area of expertise he has something to teach. Fortunately he has put his definition in print so we can clarify what type of man is what. And from the point of view of general attractiveness to women, I think he is right. Like it or not, CR’s definition of Alpha is what a very large percentage of women are subconsciously looking for.
And if they are ruled by their subconscious, they will get what it is looking for. But being ruled by animal instinct isn’t always all it is cracked up to be. Sometimes our subconscious makes choices that our conscious self finds downright difficult to live with. This is for example why most men don’t murder, rape, etc. We all have those instincts from evolution, but somehow most of us manage to stay out of trouble. Weird, isn’t it?
Please don’t misunderstand. I’m not saying women should prefer Betas over Alphas, or that Alphas should change who they are. My goal isn’t to shame anyone into changing or choosing something they don’t want. My goal is for you to have a good life, however you choose to define that. So be who you are and choose what you want. Just make sure what you choose is actually what you want.
So if you prefer Alpha, don’t feel guilty for not wanting to be with a man like him. Sure you would probably not even notice him at the bar, but he’s doing just fine as a Beta and not on the market anyway. As I said in another post, no need to settle.
If you are interested in more about the show and what a Greater Beta looks like you can see the main promo. I also liked the clip titled Fire, and my favorite is A Meal and a Place to Eat It. Unfortunately I couldn’t find a clip of the scene we saw last night where he caught a medium sized crocodile with his bare hands so they could eat it.