Interviewing a Prospective Wife Part I: Should you open a position?

This is the first of a two part series on interviewing a perspective wife.  This first part will focus on if you should marry at all.  The second part will cover the actual “interview”.  As you likely already know, Marriage 2.0 comes with great risk for men.  This is undeniably true. However:

  1. The risk associated with marrying has always been great. Even when the legal risks were much smaller, the risks to your future happiness and your children’s wellbeing have always been there.  Marrying the wrong woman has never been something easily overcome. Even Henry the 8th had a great deal of red tape to deal with.
  2. The risks for men post feminism aren’t restricted to married men. If you want to avoid these risks entirely you will have to take drastic measures.  The Spearhead has a new post on just this topic which sheds some light on this.

More importantly, not all marriages are loveless, sexless hells on earth.  There is a selection bias on internet forums.  Guys who have been screwed are much more likely to want to tell their story than those who are happy.  I’ve been married for 15 years and am deeply in love/bonded with my beautiful wonderful wife.  We have grown so close over the years that friends and relatives often accuse us of being the same person.  On top of this we have two beautiful children who are the apples of my eye.  So if you are a beta guy contemplating marriage, my advice would be give it serious consideration.

At this point some readers are undoubtedly thinking:  Sure.  I felt the same way until my loving wife of 20 years left in a caravan that included the gardeners, the pool boy, and our milkman. I get it; one can never fully asses risks which might show up in the future.  Another will likely point out that he felt the same way until he realized that according to the laws of genetics, his four kids really shouldn’t have Afros.  I get that too.

So if you are a typical beta guy, you have to carefully weigh your choices.  If after reading the spearhead post on Male Self Defense 101 your reaction is lets take another look at that map, part two of this series should be of interest to you.

Before you do marry, it is probably a good idea to learn something about relationship game.  Some good resources are Married Man Sex Life, and Citizen Renegade (especially the post by Dave from Hawaii).  You don’t have to be a kung fu master at pickup, but understanding the basic psychology of seduction should be very helpful.

Answers to pre submitted questions from regular readers:

Q: I’m so alpha that every time I walk past a convent the nuns hack into my iPhone to send me lewd pictures of themselves.  Why should I marry?

A: I don’t think you should.  Have fun!

Q: I’m so alpha all of my LTRs will cluck like a chicken in one of four languages if I give the correct hand signal.  Should I marry?

A: No.

Feel free to post your thoughts on when/if a man should marry under marriage 2.0 below.  Posts starting with “any man who marries today is stupid” are entirely acceptable, as are posts specifically calling me stupid for being a happily married chump!  Also, feel free to post your feats of greater alphaness for mere mortal beta’s to weep over.

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28 Responses to Interviewing a Prospective Wife Part I: Should you open a position?

  1. Gorbachev says:

    No matter how alpha, the beta in us always wants to one-itis ourselves and settle down.

    And young-uns’ ‘d be nice, too.

    And I’m waiting for the Potential Wife List of Questions, Dal.

  2. dalrock says:

    Gorbachev,

    I can’t imagine anything I could possibly teach you, but hopefully part II will at least be interesting for you!

    BTW, did you get your iPhone patched?

  3. Gorbachev says:

    We can always learn.

    And I’m iphoneless. It’s in a Canadian lake somewhere. I now have three days of continued workcation (now actual vacation) during which I am blessedly free of cellphones.

    The Canadian countryside is, btw, pretty spectacular. Nice country up here. If the winter wasn’t so cold, I’d consider buying a little cottage up here and working remotely. I wonder if I’d get tax benefits.

  4. Pol Mordreth says:

    Dalrock,
    Not to be a complete pedant (well, okay, maybe a little… ) its prospective.

    On the point, tho, I’m really interested on what you have to say and compare it to my experiences. I’m on my 3rd marriage. #1 went south because both of us were young and dumb. married a little over a year. Second one went south because my wife had unresolved childhood abuse issues, and while I was away on deployment and she was in therapy she went off the rails. Third one seems like its working. 6 years this month, and I am 10 years older than her. Out daughter looks just like my daughter from my 2d marriage, and we have another sprout on the way. The things I’ve learned the hard way about selection I’ve tried to pass along to younger friends and co-workers.

    Regards,
    Pol

  5. dalrock says:

    Pol,

    Thank you for your service! And thanks for catching the boneheaded spelling of Prospective.

    I hope you and Gorbachev will share your insights in the comment section of Part II.

  6. Pingback: Interviewing a Prospective Wife Part II: Interview Questions | Dalrock

  7. J says:

    “not all marriages are loveless, sexless hells on earth. There is a selection bias on internet forums. Guys who have been screwed are much more likely to want to tell their story than those who are happy.”

    Thank you for saying this. I find the view of marriage promulgated on some corners of the net that shall remain nameless as to be one that really reeks of sour grapes. I’d wager that the folks with the happiest marriages aren’t even aware that those corners of the net exist.

  8. Kurt says:

    I have a friend who married a mid-30s woman in 2008. He and he wife attended our other friend’s wedding last year and sat at the same table. Without prompting, his wife told me and another male mutual friend that all women need to go through their “slut phase” before they get married so that they know what they want. She also mentioned that by her late 20s she had only been with two guys and one of her female friends encouraged her to sleep around. She also said that she had one year where she slept with 8 guys, as though this was a good thing for her.

    I think my friend may have made a mistake by marrying her, because he definitely wasn’t the player type. She also waited until after their marriage ceremony to tell her husband that she had $8,000 in credit card debt.

    The most disturbing thing is that she sees nothing wrong with having gone through her “slut phase” and almost seems proud that she slept around.

  9. Thag Jones says:

    A bit late here, but Kurt, I’ve been told that too by a female friend too (although the word she used was promiscuous). At least I had the sense to look at her like “WTF?” and not take it like a doctor’s prescription. You go ahead and be a slut on your own, grrrl!

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  13. RL says:

    “Too sexy, too laid back, too independent… Why some women just AREN’T wife material”:

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2063997/Too-sexy-laid-independent–Why-women-just-ARENT-wife-material.html

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  15. Kurt says:

    RL, it is painfully obvious that a woman wrote that article! I think it is funny that women describe their behavior as “independent.” In my own personal experience, the most independent women tend to be the most selfish and self-centered which is incredibly unattractive to the vast majority of men.

    The author also argues that Cameron Diaz isn’t married because she is too “sexy”! Is she joking? Cameron Diaz looks like a grizzled hag, and that combined with her penchant for going for guys out of her league explain why she isn’t married. She also claims that “men go for [Diaz] in droves” – if that is true, the men are probably excited about being with a famous, wealthy woman whom they would never marry. They also show a photo of her with her much younger ex, Justin Timberlake – he was clearly out of her league, but the author just doesn’t get it.

    The author also confuses “sexy” with “slutty.” I think that most men don’t mind their woman showing off her body so long as she doesn’t look like a tramp.

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