The sound of a rebellious woman

She was loud and rebellious,
Her feet would not stay at home.

— Proverbs 7:11  NKJV

Some time back DeNihilist linked to a blog post titled:  21 Signs You’re A Rebellious Woman (language warning).  The post begins by explaining that a rebellious woman doesn’t conform to cliché standards:

1. You adamantly refuse to be the kind of woman the world wants you to be. You shun the status quo and loathe outdated clichés of what it means to be a woman, knowing these antiquated views are holding us all back from expressing ourselves fully.

The rest of the list is of course a list of cliché standards, since feminism is no longer at all counter-cultural.  Number four however caught my eye:

4. You will never be small or less-than or weak. Your presence is a roar, never a whisper.

This one stood out because it reminded me of a question Pastor Driscoll received at the end of his sermon on 1 Pet 3:1-6.  1 Pet 3:4 instructs wives to submit to their husbands and cultivate “a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.”  A woman in the congregation was concerned that this spirit was meant to bear fruit.  Driscoll invited his wife Grace up to answer the questions from the women in the congregation because:

if I answered all of the women’s questions it would go really bad.

The specific question was (emphasis mine):

Can an outgoing/boisterous wife also have a quiet spirit?

Mrs. Driscoll explains:

I would say yes.  Also a quiet woman can have an unsubmissive heart and actions.  So it doesn’t have to do with the personality of the person.  I have many friends that are more passionate and outgoing but they are fully submissive and respectful of their husbands.

Proverbs 9:13 says:  “The woman Folly is loud; she is undisciplined and without knowledge.”  I think the question you need to ask yourself is are you without knowledge in your boisterousness?  Are you undisciplined? Are you seeking the Lord?  Are you prayerful when you are with your husband and even if you are energetic or boisterous are you praying before you speak words to him?  And also consider asking your husband if your boisterousness is disrespectful at all at times to him and be willing to repent if that is the case.  But just because you are outgoing or boisterous doesn’t necessarily mean that you are unsubmissive.  It doesn’t necessarily go hand in hand.

The best part of her response is when she defers to the woman’s husband to answer.  In fact, had she limited her answer to this suggestion, it would have been an outstanding answer.  However, it would have been even better had Mark given this answer directly.  Moreover, given that Grace is answering the question because Mark feared rebellion from the wives, I don’t think the woman’s husband is in a good position to answer with any real leadership.  If Pastor Driscoll fears this man’s wife, no doubt her husband fears her even more.

But more interesting than Grace’s answer, and perhaps more interesting than Mark’s fear of answering, is the question itself.  In our feminist era the idea of a woman being quiet and gentle is heresy.  “I am woman, hear me roar!” is the anthem inspired by second wave feminism, with ban bossy being just the latest incarnation of the mindset.  Even conservative Christians are now terrified that wives will lack moxie.  That the Bible would call on women to suppress this central aspect of feminism is horrifying, and this leads to much rationalization.  Of course it can’t actually mean cultivating a quiet, gentle spirit.  That is flat out unimaginable.

And yet, not only does it say this, but the reflexive reaction by feminist Christian women against actually being gentle and quiet should only reinforce the importance of it.

Posted in Ban Bossy, Mark Driscoll, Moxie, Rebellion, Ugly Feminists | 53 Comments

Embarking on a lifetime of ugly feminism

Disney’s Babble is big on teaching girls to be bossy.  In March of last year they jumped on the “ban bossy” bandwagon with Let’s all join Beyonce and Jennifer Garner in banning the word bossy:

The two superstars are asking us to stop using the word “bossy” when referring to girls and women. And as for me, a bossy lady who is a mother of a bossy girl, I can not agree with this movement more.

Since then they have run multiple posts in praise of bossy girls, including The case for raising bossy daughters and Advice to My 4-Year-Old Daughter: If Anyone Ever Calls You “Bossy,” Just Say “Thank You”.  Last week however, one of the moms at Babble wrote about her struggle to curb her daughter’s bossiness while banning the very concept in My Daughter’s “Bossy” Behavior Almost Cost Her a Best Friend.

“Well, she said that if she tells June she doesn’t want to play a particular game, June gets really upset and threatens to end the play date. So Emma keeps playing to keep June happy.”

Ouch. Do the mind games begin this early?

I like that my daughter is comfortable expressing what I’ll call “strong leadership qualities,” which in a pre-Lean In era, would have been called “bossy.”

Of course, the story has a happy ending where her four year old learns to avoid being bossy while simultaneously avoids thinking very word bossy.

…I didn’t want to tell June to curb her authority, which would only reinforce those old gender stereotypes. Rather, I used it as an opportunity to talk about friendship: what it means to be a great friend and how to cultivate friendships that endure. Part of that, I said, is letting others take the lead once in a while simply because it makes friends feel good. Equally important is not making friends feel bad if they don’t want to do something you would like to do. It lets people know their decisions and opinions are valued and important.

In feminist fantasy land, one can embrace ugliness and still expect a beautiful outcome.  In reality she is teaching her daughter that vice is virtue, and her daughter is only just getting started putting that philosophy into practice.

Posted in Babble, Ban Bossy, Beyoncé, Disney, Fantasy vs Reality, Moxie, Turning a blind eye, Ugly Feminists | 85 Comments

The Crafty Harlot

Having made my readers suffer four posts on the saccharine sweetness of modern Christian culture, I feel obligated to cleanse your palate with the salty wisdom of the Bible.

In the discussion of a recent post the topic of what to tell young men about loose women came up.  Proverbs 7 immediately came to mind, and if you aren’t familiar with it or if it has been a while since you have read it I highly recommend reading the whole thing (it is short).  The frame is strikingly anti-feminist, and therefore strikingly anti modern Christian culture.  The proverb describes the crafty harlot, who lies in wait for an unsuspecting victim.

She was loud and rebellious,
Her feet would not stay at home.

Her prey is a young man devoid of understanding.  She catches the young man and kisses him.  She tells him she has prepared her bed with fine linens and perfumes, and that her husband is away.

With her enticing speech she caused him to yield,
With her flattering lips she seduced him.
22 Immediately he went after her, as an ox goes to the slaughter,

The proverb is a warning to all men to not be caught in the snare of such a woman.  It closes with:

Her house is the way to hell,
Descending to the chambers of death.


Scripture taken from the New King James Version®. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson

Posted in Rebellion, Ugly Feminists | 112 Comments

Leadership means telling her she is pretty

Brian Dodd (the same blogger I linked to on my last post) explains that wives cheat because their husbands fail to show leadership.

I’m convinced women do not want to cheat.  I read many articles about the incredible guilt and grief they experience because of their actions.  Satan knew that when he tempted Eve that more than just one life would be destroyed.

Men, sometimes you can do everything right and there will still be women who simply make selfish, bad decisions.  However, most of the time if we practice proactive, loving leadership that is not passive, we can address these 6 reasons while protecting our wives and saving our marriages from the widespread and generational damage that results from infidelity.

If you are a worthy enough man, your wife is almost guaranteed not to stray.  And of course, the key is leadership.  Keep in mind that he isn’t talking about headship.  This is the kind of non threatening “leadership” modern Christians love.  Most of the “leadership” Dodd urges husbands to practice boils down to not letting their wives lose the tingle.  Key to that is leading by telling her she is pretty:

5. Her ego needs a boost. She needs to feel pretty again or get her groove back.  Husbands, if you don’t tell your wife that she is pretty, your passivity will open the door for someone else to fill that void.

Dodd offers a specific warning in this area;  if a husband loses his job and his wife goes to work, other men will tell her she is pretty instead of her husband.  In this case leadership means not telling her she needs to stay at home, but allowing* her to stay at home (emphasis mine):

If you are a husband who has lost his job or you stay home with the kids because your wife earns more money, be very careful.  She puts on a suit and goes to work every day where she interacts with high-achieving alpha males.  She gets complimented frequently because she looks good and is accomplishing much.  Then she may think she comes home to an under-achieving husband who takes her for granted.  Many times, this woman can think she deserves better than you and will act on that thought.  An office romance ensues.  If it comes down to it, husbands go to work.  Let her stay home regardless of the financial implications.

*Dodd tells us that he is a huge fan of Fireproof and War Room, and both movies feature wives who are career women.

See Also: Don’t blame Heartiste for the equation of Alpha with virtue.

Posted in Headship, New Morality, Romantic Love, Servant Leader, The only real man in the room, Turning a blind eye | 83 Comments

Modern Christian wife worship

44 Leadership Quotes And Lessons From War Room The Movie

Lesson number 37:

Husbands Either Serve Their Wives Or Serve Themselves – You cannot do both.  Spoiler Alert – This involves a basin of water and ice cream.

Husbands of course should serve their wives, but he isn’t talking about headship.  Also, Someone appears to be missing in this equation.

Or perhaps this isn’t an oversight.  Bonus quote, from the Q&A at the end of the film:

“We want someone (Priscilla Shirer) who will represent God after the film’s opening.” – Kendrick

I can only hope this is a typo or out of context.

Posted in Attacking headship, Christian Films, Kendrick Brothers, Servant Leader, War Room | 115 Comments