Beta Orbiter Conversation Hearts

Courtesy of The Atlanta Banana

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32 Responses to Beta Orbiter Conversation Hearts

  1. The linked articles on the bottom are hilarious.

    “Porn Getting Tired of Us”
    “Valentine’s Special Report: Bachelor’s Hand Prepares For Worst”

    There are more…..

  2. Dalrock says:

    @Empath

    The linked articles on the bottom are hilarious.

    Another funny one: Emory Dating Study Finds Friend Zone Unescapable

    “It’s a lot like a black hole,” stated Dr. Frevalone, team lead. “Once you cross the event horizon of a black hole, not even light can escape. Similarly, once you are friend zoned by a hot chick, not even the best game on the planet can get you into her pants.”

  3. Badpainter says:

    The best humor is based on truth.

  4. Pingback: Valentine’s Candy Hearts for the Friend-Zoned | Will S.' Miscellany

  5. Luke says:

    If you’re going to post a link…

    Post THIS kind of link: http://tinyurl.com/m47vald
    (bikini video of a 9.5 IMO; not quite SFW.)

    You’ll thank me for it, I promise.

  6. Spawny Get says:

    Ironic, given the nature of the messages delivered, that none of the pills were red.

  7. jg says:

    @ Luke
    I was bored 5 seconds into that but just could not turn away. I really wanted to click on the link to the right about the man who found his dog in the tornado wreckage. And also the one about the dude who broke 350+ guinness world records. But I had to wait until that damn thing was over. And then watched it again. Damn God sure knows how to make ‘em.

  8. Dalrock I like it when people use the event horizon as analogy to explain anything.
    On a separate note I noticed you’ve perused the IAV stuff. i was looking at some of that recently and found that any article that had some depth what not accessible, and the others were sort of MSM style abbreviated for the short attention span folks. Likely why you used it as you did.

  9. jf12 says:

    Things a beta might say, has legs, especially of course in not saying them. But wait, only five of them? We oughtta be able to put together a couple dozen ourselves.
    I ♥ Shoe Shopping
    Sure I’ll Watch Fluffy 4 U
    UR Pants Make ME look fat
    I Know He Ignores U
    ‘S OK I Don’t Mind [universal]

  10. jf12 says:

    Re: friendzone article. The photo is from a real lab, of course. The RO water generator up out of the way in the top left of the photo, making extra room for stuff such as the casually tossed blowtorch, is the dead giveaway. The positive pressurization of the extra-long glove box has to be for system checkout. It’s easy to assume the installer (or repairer) was simply demo-ing to a group of users. I don’t see rad tags, and for L2 biosafety that brand isn’t allowed to be crammed in like that. Hence it has to be and anaerobic chamber, that for checkout has to have ben filled with an innocuous gas like nitrogen; it can’t be CO2 because of suffocation hazard if leaks or hydrogen because of flammability.

  11. WG says:

    The chick in the video is hot, but not a 9.5. For one thing, one of her eyes is slightly bigger than the other. Weird.

  12. feeriker says:

    The Onion meets Brach’s Candy.

    LOLZ

  13. Boxer says:

    I’d give the chick in the video a hard 8.5. Those things are real, and they’re spectacular.

  14. Best way to deal with the “friend zone” is to make her treat you as a real friend. Friendship is reciprocal. Make her buy you lunch, make her cook for you. If it’s a one way deal you have a vampire not a friend… I have a hard rule I never sleep with a friend no matter what she looks like. Either she’s a lover or a friend, not both. If she’s neither there is no relationship…

  15. Mark says:

    @Dalrock

    Great find!

  16. Mark says:

    @Keith Swanson

    “”I have a hard rule I never sleep with a friend no matter what she looks like. Either she’s a lover or a friend, not both. If she’s neither there is no relationship…””

    Great rule to live by…….I do the same….there is NO other way!

  17. Ras Al Ghul says:

    Add in there if you wouldn’t do it for a guy friend, you wouldn’t do it for a female.

    However, almost all of them are vampires.

  18. an observer says:

    Flip the script. Ask her to help you move house.

    If the fur flies to rationalise an excuse, avoid spending time with her.

    Men and women should not be friends. It doesnt work.

  19. MarcusD says:

    More from CAF (“censure as faulty”):

    Seaparated last Wednesday (Read the first four lines at the very least.)
    http://forums.catholic.com/showthread.php?t=860247

    Open Question for Ladies (…)
    http://forums.catholic.com/showthread.php?t=860232

  20. Opus says:

    I looked at Marcus’ CAF links at 01.30am, and wanted to say something about the second – as it resonates with something I had been thinking.

    There are a lot of women these days who are Homophiliac and regard anyone who has (for example) doubts about Gay marriage as an unreconstructed Knuckle-dragger and Bigot, but (as with the CAF example) I am pretty sure that if you announced to your new or intended girlfriend that you were attracted to people of ones own sex – or thought one might be – that the chances of your relationship getting off the ground with her would be nil. In other words women talk Homo-acceptance but do not practice it – neither have they any grasp of how or why Homosexuality is viewed with horror or disgust by men – and equally with Incest. The phenomenon of the Fag-Hag comes to mind – where Homosexuals can be used as a comfort-zone but where the man can never escape the friend-zone. The reverse is not the case: that is to say, a woman who professes to being Lesbian is not a turn-off for a man, in fact that will often be a spur to male conquest – being a form of fitness test – Lesbianism is inherently different to Homosexuality.

    I rather suspect that the twenty-nine year old virgin in the CAF example would not be having same sex thoughts had he not been incel for so long – men will always be inventive in deflecting thwarted sexual desires. Early marriage is thus inherently a good thing.

  21. Lion says:

    Luke, thank you.

  22. @Opus

    A brief analysis of Greek society shows that homosexuality is, indeed, not some genetic, deviant thing that afflicts 3% of the population, but rather a set of desires that, if so cultured, become the norm.

    People with sexual passions ought to be wed.

  23. How about, for the orbiter’s girl, WANT A GUY LIKE U.

  24. Being a 29-year-old virgin doesn’t necessarily lead to homosexual thoughts. That’s, uh, what a guy I know told me.

  25. Could you imagine what would happen to the time-space-continum if a beta orbitor suddenly truly “manned up” and became alpha at just the wrong moment?

    (former beta orbiter answering phone) “…uuuhhhh, hello?”
    (woman who liked using her beta orbiter) “…Uh, John, where the f-ck are you???”
    (former beta orbiter) “…sorry, who is this?”
    (woman) “You know who this is! Don’t give me any sh-t, just get your @ss over here, I have to move today.”
    (former beta orbiter) “I don’t know you.” (hangs up)

    60 seconds later
    Ring. Ring. Ring.

    (former beta orbiter answering phone) “…uuuhhhh, hello?”
    (woman who liked using her beta orbiter) “WHAT THE F-CK!!!! John you said last week that you would be over FIRST THING IN THE MORNING with Pizza and Beer for everyone and you’d help move!!!!! You know I”m moving! Get your @ss over here!!! I’m NOT going to tell you again!!!!!”
    (former beta orbiter) “Yeah. Um. I think you need to get your boyfriend to help you.”
    (woman who liked using her beta orbiter) “I TOLD YOU last week, he’s out mountain climbing this weekend! You said you would help me! Don’t give me this crap!”
    (former beta orbiter) “Yeah. Um. Why am I helping you again?”
    (a very exasberated woman who liked using her beta orbiter) “Duh! Because we are friends!”
    (former beta orbiter) “Yeah. Um. Friends tend to do things for each other. What have you ever done for me?”
    (woman who liked using her beta orbiter stunned into silence, deciding if she is just going to hang up the phone) “… …. …”
    (former beta orbiter) “Hello? Ok I guess I’ll hang up…”
    (woman who liked using her beta orbiter) “John I’m not going to get into a long list of things I’ve done for you. I thought we were friends.”
    (former beta orbiter) “No. I really need that list that you can’t provide because there is nothing in that list. It’s empty. We are not friends. You just use me.”
    (woman who liked using her beta orbiter) “I can’t believe you are doing this to me! I NEED you now!”
    (former beta orbiter) “You need your boyfriend. Just wait until he comes back next weekend and get himto lift everything. I’d rather sleep than help you.”
    (woman who liked using her beta orbiter) “When he gets back from his trip he is going to be so pissed you didn’t help me he’s going to…”
    (former beta orbiter) “what?”
    (woman who liked using her beta orbiter) “Beat the SH_T out of you!”
    (former beta orbiter) “Oh no he wont because I’ll send him to jail and press charges and he’ll do a prison sentence. No, you are just going to have to wait.”
    (woman who liked using her beta orbiter, talking tenderly) “Please John….”
    (former beta orbiter) “goodbye.”

  26. Dalrock says:

    @Empath

    On a separate note I noticed you’ve perused the IAV stuff. i was looking at some of that recently and found that any article that had some depth what not accessible, and the others were sort of MSM style abbreviated for the short attention span folks. Likely why you used it as you did.

    I’m drawing a blank on IAV. Can you jog my memory?

  27. Edwin says:

    I can never seem to find a “contact” or “email” dalrock option, so I’ll post this in the comments

    this is priceless:
    http://www.aei-ideas.org/2013/04/take-the-test-feminist-shenanigans-or-satire/#mbl

  28. MarcusD says:

    @Edwin

    Those were brilliant examples.

  29. Luke says:

    I’m glad people enjoyed the video. For something a bit farther out, try looking up a video called “Happy Melon Day”. It’s a mixed bag, but has several 8s. NOT SFW, not at all.

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