Hold my beer

and watch this.

Note the “like” counts for Proud Single Moms and I Love My Husband at the bottom of the article.  Edit:  The counts appear to be cumulative for the respective Facebook pages, and not specific to this one article.

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106 Responses to Hold my beer

  1. Casey says:

    I don’t see the counts for ‘Proud Single Moms’

    Maybe there AREN’T any? (Or rather, shouldn’t be any (widows exempted).
    [D: You may have to enable scripts.]

  2. Casey says:

    1st comment………awesome.

  3. 8to12 says:

    Unfortunately, she failed to say the one thing that needed saying:

    Your life will not be better after the divorce; it will be worse.

  4. Casey says:

    @ 8to12

    Truer words have never been spoken. Women generally wind up in a WORSE position post-divorce.

    However, good luck in getting any of them to ADMIT it was an EPIC FAIL as a decision (or, the more ‘girl friendly’ wording “choice”).

  5. Escoffier says:

    Those ladies in the comments are wonderful advertisements for marriage, aren’t they?

  6. The relationship “just ran its course”. The divorce isn’t her fault, apparently. Nothing is ever a woman’s fault, is it?

  7. Casey says:

    Proud Single Mom – 3,827
    Love My Husband – 13,124

    Heavily slanted in the favour of the Husband………
    Then WHY do we have a divorce rate > 50%?

    I assume the ‘Love My Husband’ crowd are just masturbating with the idea of leaving their husband……..and came across that article.

    They will love him………..right up until she get’s it in her head that life is better alone (which is piped into her head DAILY from so-called friends, TV, books, magazines……etc. ad nauseum).

    Good luck with that ladies.

  8. When I heard Dr Laura stipulate on her radio show that ONLY the three BIG-”A”s (Adultry, Abuse, and Addiction) were ever any reason for divorce, I couldn’t find any disagreement with that. Looking back and thinking about it now, of the three BIG-”A”s, only one of them is entirely objective. The other two are entirely subjective. If one spouse yells at the other, is that abuse? The answer to that question depends on who is asked. So the follow up (if the answer is yes) does that form of abuse warrant divorce? Perhaps that person who says yes needs to read these 36 truths about divorce before answering that question?

    With feminism, its pretty easy. Forget the BIG-”A”s. Divorce is granted to whomever wants it at any time for any reason or no reason. And that person leaving is always right (except when its a man and it makes the woman vulnerable, then its wrong.) But these 36 truths don’t change a thing. A pure feminist will just come along and stipulate that the only reason why she might be feeling any remorse is because she was weakened and beaten down by her abusive husband and her frail state is all his fault anyway. So her regret (should it be any of these 36) is only temporary until she can compose herself emotionally. The feminist will say that she WILL get over it.

  9. earl says:

    All about her feelings and material stuff. Being a woman is so hard.

    It’s never about what happens to the family…or even how God feels about the subject of marriage.

  10. Feminist Hater says:

    These women are delusional. There should always be a caveat when talking about divorce. There is no reason for a woman to divorce her husband. However, I will allow them two and only two, infidelity and real physical, continuous abuse. This whole ‘relationship has run its course’ bull crap just shows how demented and miserable they are.

    They deserve to be alone, unhappy and in dire straits.

  11. Feminist Hater says:

    Really pisses me off reading in the comments sections about the woman about to divorce her husband who is deploying. Fucking cunt!

  12. GKChesterton says:

    Amazingly sad and logically incoherent.

  13. Anonymous Reader says:

    The Real Peterman
    The relationship “just ran its course”. The divorce isn’t her fault, apparently. Nothing is ever a woman’s fault, is it?

    “It just happened…”, whether said by a pregnant 16 year old or a divorced 35 year old, is not a convincing excuse to me. But I’m not a woman, or the BFF of a woman, so…nevermind.

  14. earl says:

    Or the famous “we grew apart” line. What a load!

  15. Zippy says:

    It is a target-rich environment, but here is one:

    Some of your family may not understand why you are getting divorced and that can be very challenging to deal with on top of dealing with divorce itself.

    What about family members who do understand, and who – precisely because they understand – refuse to affirm you in your okayness?

  16. thegreatshebang says:

    If you are hell-bent to get something, whether it’s a new guy, a house, a pair of shoes, a reduction of punishment for your child from the school system, ….. or a divorce, you might want to stop and take a breather and calm down.

    That my suggestion in the above paragraph did not appear in the 37 reasons is very telling of the author’s point of view. Just me want. Me didn’t get? Me should’ve wanted something else, oh well.

  17. Lyn87 says:

    @ IBB,

    Right on. The problem with “The Abuse Excuse” is that it can mean whatever a women wants it to mean if she’s looking for the door. The term is undefined, so it means everything… and nothing. Considering that anything a man does or fails to do has been categorized as “abuse” by somebody, every husband abuses his wife every day by those absurd definitions.

    Be a good steward of the families finances? “You’re controlling her with money!”
    Let her run up the credit cards buying useless crap? The resulting financial melt-down is your fault, too.

    Don’t do housework? “You treat me like your slave!”
    Do a bunch of housework? “You’re belittling me about my housekeeping skills!”

    Defend yourself from a physical attack? “You hit a woman!”
    Restrain her so you don’t have to clock her? “You’re controlling her physically!”
    Leave so you don’t have to do one of those? “You’re abandoning her!”

    The absurdly wide range of things that some feminist somewhere would classify as “abuse” reminds me of this:

    http://www.amazon.com/Three-Felonies-Day-Target-Innocent/dp/1594035229

    The categorization of normal behaviors that fall under someone’s definition of abuse is not meant to clarify the “code” or correct alleged past wrongs… it is designed to criminalize normal male behavior and allow any woman to credibly charge any man with abuse. Of course a woman doing the same things – or worse – is not “abuse” because… patriarchy, or privilege, or something.

  18. sunshinemary says:

    You remember what it was like to fall in love with the man you married and you truly wonder how in the world did it all fall apart.

    The complete lack of accepting responsibility for one’s actions is breath-taking. As if divorce just happens to you, and you have no control over it. As if “things just all fall apart” and once they do, that’s it, and you have no responsibility to fix what is broken or at least endure the brokenness for the sake of one’s children.

    Hamsterlation of “how in the world did it all fall apart”:

    “You, sir, no longer make my panties sufficiently wet. And that’s sad. Good-bye.”

    Also known as: frivorce.

  19. Lyn

    @ IBB,

    Right on.

    Thank you.

  20. Anonymous Reader says:

    SSM
    The complete lack of accepting responsibility for one’s actions is breath-taking.

    Not to me. Seems pretty normal, among the set of divorced women. Rationalization of past actions in order to make it someone else’s fault, something that “just happened” seems rather standard. Tinges of regret, when it is way too late to change anything, also seem fairly common. But not enough regret to actually change, mind you.

    Again, is this really a surprise to you?

  21. Anonymous Reader says:

    Lyn87
    The problem with “The Abuse Excuse” is that it can mean whatever a women wants it to mean if she’s looking for the door.

    Well, sure, that’s why the unscientific Duluth model is used so extensively, and why VAWA’s descriptions of “abuse” are so broadly defined. Because modern law is about giving women what they want, when they want it, no matter the cost to others, and no matter what actual facts may be in the way. If only someone had written on this topic before.

    Oh, wait:
    http://dalrock.wordpress.com/2010/11/02/the-whispers/

  22. I’m beginning to think that a sane society would not permit women to divorce in the first place.

  23. Marissa says:

    What about all the rationalization in the comments about “how much better for the kids” it is to divorce? I even see a few people saying they were better off because their own parents divorce rather than stay together arguing. But I have to wonder–why not just figure out your problems and stop arguing? (I realize this would require more women to change than men, hence why it seldom happens.) Children of divorce have far worse outcomes than children of married couples (which includes happily married and unhappily married).

    I especially loved the “me and my ex are still best friends”. These women LJBF’ed their marriages…

  24. Escoffier says:

    “I even see a few people saying they were better off because their own parents divorce rather than stay together arguing.”

    Every time I read that (which was often in those comment threads; check out also the linked thread about 17 things she didn’t know), I think either (1) that’s the rationalization of someone going through their own divorce or already divorced; or (2) there’s a bad bet for marriage, someone highly likely to get divorced.

  25. Anonymous Reader says:

    Marissa
    What about all the rationalization in the comments about “how much better for the kids” it is to divorce? I even see a few people saying they were better off because their own parents divorce rather than stay together arguing.

    That’s rationalization, just as you observed, and nothing more. It’s pretending that a bad situation actually isn’t all that bad, because of blah, blah, blah. Years ago that rationalization clearly had some heft to it, back in the 80′s, and of course the 70′s. Now that we have a generation of evidence that clearly shows the harm divorce does to children, such rationalization is just hot air.

    Sadly, some of those who rationalize the loudest about divorce are themselves children of divorced parents, or “from broken homes” as used to be said before divorce was normalized. Perhaps the alternative is too painful for them to contemplate.

  26. Ton says:

    Divorcing before a deployment make her a prize. Normally they use that year to set themselves up for a comfortable post divorce life, like racking up a shit ton of debt. And of course spreading her legs for whoever stumbles by

  27. Escoffier says:

    I suspect that when kids say that about their own parents’ divorce, part of what they are thinking is “I still love them so I can’t condemn what they did, and I think they are good people, so what they did must have been good.”

    But part of it is also “I too got divorced, so if mine was justified, theirs was too,” or “I’m keeping my options open for divorce, so I can’t be too hard on mom&dad.”

  28. 8oxer says:

    I have to laugh at the entire concept of the “proud single mom”. Maybe I should take pride in the fact that I got a D in English in my sophomore year of high school, or in the fact that I wrecked a car at age 19. Perhaps I should take pride in the fact that I lost a couple of basketball games for the team. The list can go on and on…

    I see this nonsense as an outgrowth of the whole “self-esteem” movement. When everyone is constantly told they are “special” and “great”, a whole society loses any sense of perspective.

  29. David says:

    Part of this comes back to the whole concept of no-fault divorce. Religion aside, more often than not, it’s in a society’s best interests to promote husband and wife (and by extension, families) to stay together. In times past, it was nearly impossible to get a divorce for legitimate reasons, now the pendulum has swung too far in the opposite direction.

    In reviewing previous articles and comments, I’m still chuckling over the term “frivorce”. It is so apropos.

    Dalrock: As ever, your website rocks!

  30. Anonymous Reader says:

    Escoffier
    I suspect that when kids say that about their own parents’ divorce, part of what they are thinking is “I still love them so I can’t condemn what they did, and I think they are good people, so what they did must have been good.”

    Agreed, however this is just another form of rationalization, a coping mechanism. Putting the best face on a bad thing, for peace of mind. But this is still a bad thing, and it has permanent effects.

    Consider just one. Some of the college students that I have worked with from time to time have a lot of difficulties during this time of the year, because where should they go for holidays? To which parent and possibly step-parent should they dedicate this Thanksgiving. Bonus points for those young men and young women who both come from broken families – 4 different places to spend holidays (her father and his girlfriend, her mother and stepfather, his mother, his father and stepmother…or some combination like this).

    Some of them just choose to remain on campus, or travel with a friend to the friend’s family.
    This leads me to a suggestion: people who live in college towns should consider finding some way to provide college students with a no-strings, no-pressure Thanksgiving meal. Just some place for them to go and have a hot turkey dinner. Those that are in a stable marriage would be doing a double favor, by demonstrating that there is another way to live. Don’t preach, just be.

  31. Emma the Emo says:

    I was sad when my parents’ relationship broke, and wanted it not to be broken, but after it was clear nothing could be salvaged I was just happy they got it over with. Their fighting was stressful… That was just feelings of a kid. While it could be a rationalization for some, in my experience wanting to escape from chronic fighting is the more of the reason.
    That doesn’t mean divorce is better for kids, it means a bad marriage is a poor alternative. Like choosing between cholera and dysentery.

  32. Anonymous Reader says:

    Emma, what do you think of the “36 things” listed?

  33. Lyn87 says:

    swiftfoxmark2 says:
    November 20, 2013 at 12:01 pm

    I’m beginning to think that a sane society would not permit women to divorce in the first place.

    It comes back to the old “Authority versus Responsibility” thing. Women especially should not have the authority to initiate no-fault divorce, since the husband is the one who has to pay for her decision. If a woman wants to leave her marriage, there’s little anyone can do to stop her, but it ought to be with the clear understanding that she leaves with the clothes on her back and nothing more. No access to the bank accounts or credit cards, no car, no house, no access to the kids beyond what their father permits, and no future payments of any kind.

    She should also be responsible for her debt – and her portion of the family’s debt. Feminists demanded the right of married women to hold property in their own name… fine: let them own their own debt as well. If ex-husbands have to pay their ex-wives bills, then current husbands ought to have control over their current wife’s property.

    As long as men have the responsibility for providing for women, they ought to have the authority that goes with it. Women would behave a lot more like adults if they had adult-level responsibilities that matched their adult-level rights. The ability to initiate divorce is an adult-level right: it needs to come with adult-level responsibilities.

    Equality or pedestal, ladies… pick ONE. And think long and hard before you do, because feminism lied to you about what equality means. They told women that equality means that they would have the same rights as men, but nobody said anything about taking up the responsibility.

  34. TFH says:

    Once again :

    The divorce rate of a society depends on only one thing :

    Will the living standard of the woman go down in the near-term after divorce?

    If yes, that country has a low divorce rate.
    If no due to rigged laws, that country has a high divorce rate

    All the other rationalizations such as ‘fell apart’ or ‘not haaaaapy’ are just rationalizations of the cold financial decision. It really is that simple.

    Countries where the divorce laws are rigged in favor of MEN still have low divorce rates. Men tend to put the well-being of their children first, and don’t toss out their wives even if they could easily do so without cost. Men tend to be responsible adults that way. Societies where men hold the cards in marital law, are societies where almost all children grow up with both biological parents.

  35. Anchorman says:

    The sheer number of observations, which necessarily avoid the spiritual devastation, should be a flashing light and siren to all.

    Then comes the rationalization hamster.

    Many of the ex-husbands who are “friends” with their exes are doing so strictly to keep peace. When my youngest turns 18/graduates, my ex’s number will be blocked. The utter cruelty she inflicted because she was unhaaappy and the very real and immediately present psychological damage to my kids is only outdone by her refusal to acknowledge any responsibility for it.

    She had a quick trip into “pump and dump” and got text Hi 5s for having sex with some guy from the Internet during the separation. My youngest intercepted the text while playing an app on the phone. He came to me in tears because he thought it meant his mom married some new guy and he’d be his dad now. If I tell him the truth, I “alienate” him from her. So, I danced around it. My other kid had multiple nervous breakdowns. The hospital and therapy staff ask for possible causes. I have to bring up the ongoing divorce each time because she refuses to consider it as a reason.

    Why would I have a person like that in my life one more day than I was required.

  36. Some Guy says:

    I was taken from my father by my mother. I never saw him again. He was a drunk… and by all accounts had it coming. But in the time he spent with my half brother, he at least imparted some essence of manhood to him. He taught him how to hunt, how to fish, how to fix cars… how to work.

    I never got that. No “stepdad”, boy’s group, or school manifested to do that for me. Nothing close. And now it is my responsibility to be something for my children that I myself never had the benefit of.

    To those that are helping to rationalize divorce “just to stop with the fighting”: shut up. You don’t know what the hell you’re talking about. Assholes like you are only too ready to sacrifice a boy’s masculinity and identity. You have no concept of the damage you actually do.

  37. Anchorman says:

    “it means a bad marriage is a poor alternative”

    Emma, I don’t know your history, but that is an abysmal view of what is holy.

    If a marriage is poor, as mine was, it is because one or both have pushed God out of it.

    With God at the center of a marriage, the tough times break like waves upon rocks.

    Bad or unhaaappy marriage? Don’t quit it. It ca never be better than placing God at the center of it. That will bear good fruit.

    People need to stop looking for rationalizations and start with solutions.

    God.

  38. earl says:

    Ah the self esteem movement.

    Which George Carlin nails perfectly.

  39. Lyn87 says:

    Some Guy,

    That sucks. But be wary of accepting, “He was a drunk… and by all accounts had it coming,” though. It may be true, and you know more about it than anyone here, but if your knowledge comes from “all accounts” from people who were close enough to your mother to give you their opinion, I would take it with a pretty big grain of salt – especially considering what he did for your half-brother.

    I won’t give a lot of details because some people I know IRL know that I’m Lyn87, but I saw a situation where a woman who had done some really horrible things told everyone what a rotten bastard her husband was (I’m talking Jerry Springer Show kind of stuff). He’s not perfect, but she hit the jackpot when he courted her. A mutual friend (who had only heard her side) was telling me that she was justified in divorcing him. I told him that he didn’t know the half of it, and that if my wife did to me what she had done to her husband… I wouldn’t be divorced: I’d be a widower.

  40. Emma the Emo says:

    Anonymous Reader,
    To me, the list is a warning (although not likely an effective one) to anyone wishing to divorce for anything other than very serious reasons. “The relationship had an expiration date” thing was kind of depressing, as my parents used the same reason (it was mutual for them though). But hopefully, such things don’t “just happen” and can be prevented.

  41. Lyn,

    It comes back to the old “Authority versus Responsibility” thing. Women especially should not have the authority to initiate no-fault divorce, since the husband is the one who has to pay for her decision. If a woman wants to leave her marriage, there’s little anyone can do to stop her, but it ought to be with the clear understanding that she leaves with the clothes on her back and nothing more. No access to the bank accounts or credit cards, no car, no house, no access to the kids beyond what their father permits, and no future payments of any kind.

    Even these situations can be horrible for the dad.

    Growing up, my daughter enjoyed a movie that showed this very scenario, “Because of Winn Dixie.” The protagonist is a young girl (the daughter of a non-denominational Protestant, Pastor) who befriends a dog. The Pastor is played by Jeff Daniels. He admits to his daughter (in the only way a 9 year old could understand) that his wife (her mother) left under these exact circumstances, she just wanted out of the marriage and left. His daughter never really comes to terms with her mother’s decision and wants someone (anyone) to be blamed. Near the end of the movie, his daughter breaks down and confronts her father on their mother abandoning the family, blaming her dad for mom walking out because he didn’t try hard enough to make her stay. She can’t blame the mom, mom isn’t there to receive the blame. So it MUST be her father that is to answer for it. He grovels to his daughter, gets down on his knees and begs his daughter to forgive him because “he failed his wife.” He tried to keep her, went looking for her, but ultimately couldn’t find a woman that left him because he failed her. We never understand exactly what he did that was his “failing” but I guess that is not the point. The point is that even if the woman walks away with nothing, she can still succeed in destroying her children and the father will be left behind to make her whole.

    I don’t think situations like this are all that unusual. What’s I’ve found is in all too many frivorce situtations, the children (now adult children) start to see the world for what it is and they eventually understand WHO was to be blamed for blowing up the family. As young children, they can’t. Only in adulthood. Only after years of thinking about it. And it is the parent that did all that they could to keep the marriage intact, that is usually the one that is the biggest part of that child’s life when they are adult. But there is typically so much damage done to the child, that they never really fully recover. They are wounded. And trusting another human being is almost impossible for them.

  42. Some Guy says:

    @Lyn87,

    Now that I see my children reduced to pawns and hostages… my wife threatening weekly to detonate the marriage in order to bully me into giving her whatever she wants… and the church stepping in only to egg her on… never hearing anything positive about my parenting, but seeing these people wet themselves on Mother’s Day when they having got a f#^$!ing clue….

    After all that, you can bet I suddenly see my father in a new light. My mother’s serial monogamy was far more destructive than his alcoholism. The fact that no one would dare cross examine her motives and choices only makes it worse.

    Meanwhile… my head is on the chopping block at the mere insinuation of abuse.

  43. Marissa says:

    SomeGuy, I’m sorry to hear that, especially considering what you could have had. And on the heels of what Lyn87 said, I am curious if anyone else here has seriously questioned the stories their birth mothers tell. Abusive childhood, unworthy birth father…I heard these stories but now that I have read countless stories of rationalizations and poor decision-making from sites like this, I don’t know what to believe. Do you all find it difficult to follow the commandment “Honor they mother and father”? Who do you honor when you mother divorces your birth father and quickly marries another man and bears his children (and he thus becomes your father)? And how do you honor them?

    Dalrock, thank you for writing. These questions of mine make me realize how vital it is to marry once and choose wisely.

  44. Anonymous Reader says:

    Regarding “the fighting” in terms of Emma’s parents, MarcusD posted this link in an earlier thread.

    http://www.hhs.gov/news/healthbeat/2013/11/calm-down.html

    According to this study, a man can be as calm as possible and it has no effect on conflict, but when (or if) the woman in a marriage damps down the anger, then constructive work can be done. This contradicts several modern myths.

  45. Marissa,

    Abusive childhood, unworthy birth father…I heard these stories but now that I have read countless stories of rationalizations and poor decision-making from sites like this, I don’t know what to believe. Do you all find it difficult to follow the commandment “Honor they mother and father”? Who do you honor when you mother divorces your birth father and quickly marries another man and bears his children (and he thus becomes your father)? And how do you honor them?

    You don’t have to honor them, he isn’t your father. He might be someone else’s father, but he is not yours. He is step-father.

  46. Lyn87 says:

    Regarding Exodus 20:12, “Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.

    I spent a few years teaching in a Christian school, and some of the kids had “parent issues.” In some cases the parents were divorced. In others the parents were married but one or both was doing stupid stuff. Kids confide in other adults, and since the job of the Christian school teacher is to act in loco parentis and remain Biblically-sound, I had to deal with kids who would tell me things about their parents that made my not respect them at all.

    I would never tell a kid that his/her parent was a dirtbag (although I knew that some of them were). I would point out that we all have flaws, and that they may not know the whole story until they grow up – and maybe not then, and that their job is to obey God, and God says, “Honour thy father and thy mother.” Period. That doesn’t mean endorsing everything they do, but honoring what they are.

    A weak husband can it make it hard for his wife to submit. A shrewish wife can make it hard for her husband to love her “as Christ loves the church.” And dirt-bag parents can it hard for their children to honor them.

  47. Random Angeleno says:

    A weak husband can it make it hard for his wife to submit. A shrewish wife can make it hard for her husband to love her “as Christ loves the church.” And dirt-bag parents can it hard for their children to honor them.

    Amen…

  48. Bee says:

    @Some Guy,

    “To those that are helping to rationalize divorce “just to stop with the fighting”: shut up. You don’t know what the hell you’re talking about. Assholes like you are only too ready to sacrifice a boy’s masculinity and identity. You have no concept of the damage you actually do.”

    Excellent point.

  49. MarcusD says:

    @Lyn87
    “The absurdly wide range of things that some feminist somewhere would classify as “abuse””

    That’s what happens when you incentivize victimhood.

  50. Ri Ri says:

    3. Don’t rush things unless you are in an abusive situation.

    I don’t know why people are so quick to divorce. They don’t even bother with marriage counseling anymore. I’ve read that when a marriage is going through a rough patch its sometimes advantageous to have separate bedrooms for a while, and I’ve seen this work on at least one couple I know. I mean, there are so many things that can be tried and they should be tried before throwing in the towel. Especially if kids are involved.

    I mentioned before that around 50% of the married couples I know below the age of 50 are not *legally* married. A number of couples have been together like this for two decades and running now. And our break-up rate is low. When a break up does happen, its for good reason and its a lot smoother than a legal divorce.

    I do think we take our non-legal marriages more seriously.

  51. John Galt says:

    I had to comment on “coles_mom”‘s idiotic comment…if you’re the one who files, you assume you r ex-husband will take you back? Her hamster is working overtime….dump current hubby, if you can’t trade up, you have a backup plan! Uh, no.

    Also, it’s worse if your partner dumps you? Uh, no. No matter what pain I endured, I will always have the clear conscience of knowing (and being able to tell the children) that I did EVERYTHING I could to make it work.

  52. BC says:

    37. No matter how justified you may feel the divorce is/was, you are setting in motion a series of events and environments that will most likely harm your children’s mental, emotional and physical health and shorten their lifespan by an average of five years. Your children will not be amused or grateful about this.

    http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2012/08/whats-the-single-strongest-predictor-you-will-38240/

  53. @Zippy
    It is a target-rich environment, but here is one:

    Some of your family may not understand why you are getting divorced and that can be very challenging to deal with on top of dealing with divorce itself.

    What about family members who do understand, and who – precisely because they understand – refuse to affirm you in your okayness?

    You know, it’s odd. A lot of people who are familiar with twelve step programs and answer questions catch people who have problems by asking if the person in question’s close family ever suggested they had a problem. Normally the person says, “yeah, but I know I don’t and they just don’t get it.” At this point the twelve step person asks, “but don’t you think the people who have lived closest to you and watched you go through different stages of life are sometimes in a better position to judge your current state than you are?”

    The idea that emotional distance and evaluation is valid for one predicament and not for another is asinine. It’s like somebody saying, “My family just doesn’t get it that I drink a fifth every night, have totaled 3 cars in the past 30 months while under the influence, and my liver has started to show signs of disease and distension. What unsupportive jerks.” It just doesn’t add up.

    And on top of that, family has a right to be pissed. They were there to witness and affirm the union that is currently being dumped all over by an ungrateful and unhappy wife.

  54. Michael says:

    We already know the statistics for women who frivorce for “irreconcilable differences”.

    However I would like to see studies detailing the reasons for “abuse”. Are their research studies showing what percentage of “abuse” is actually physical abuse?

  55. Ri Ri says:

    While in my own family and social circle there are very few divorced people, in my wider work network circle, there are more. There is one man who is twice divorced. He has kids from those previous marriages. He asked me about the kids of one single mom in the area who he perceives as being “troubled” more for snooty reasons than anything else, because those kids and their mom are not as finanically and socially settled as he is, though despite the stability he refused to let his kids live full time with him, and he is very what he calls “pro-freedom” – i.e. pro-divorce. So fishing for gossip one day he asked me, “How’s Sherilyn’s kids – are they troubled?” I quickly retorted, “No more troubled than another kids from divorced families”.

    He looked down and shut his trap.

  56. 8to12 says:

    Follow a couple of links and you get to this story:

    Sex After Divorce: Are Casual Hookups Healthy?

    Sure, for some divorced women, whose marriages dissolved unexpectedly or as a result of infidelity, the heartbreak and trauma they’ve experienced can translate in to a complete lack of sexual desire.

    But others, like me, who were unhappy in their marriages and whose divorces gave them relief, can’t wait to break free.

    Break free to have some hot, casual sex, that is.

    My informal polling of other divorced women tells me that I’m not alone.

    Lord, help us.

  57. earl says:

    Divorce is just legalized child abuse.

  58. Ri Ri says:

    “Sure, for some divorced women, whose marriages dissolved unexpectedly or as a result of infidelity, the heartbreak and trauma they’ve experienced can translate in to a complete lack of sexual desire.

    But others, like me, who were unhappy in their marriages and whose divorces gave them relief, can’t wait to break free.

    Break free to have some hot, casual sex, that is.

    My informal polling of other divorced women tells me that I’m not alone.”

    Well, lady if you don’t have kids – have at it!

    In a sane world, sex, dating and “relationships” would not be options for single parents with children living under their care. Its child abuse pure and simple. Exposing children to strange men and women that can hurt them. Investing time, money, energy and emotions in some dude or dudette when you should be investing ALL your time, money, energy and emotions in your kids.

    For shame.

  59. Ras Al Ghul says:

    John Galt says:

    November 20, 2013 at 4:09 pm

    “I had to comment on “coles_mom”‘s idiotic comment…if you’re the one who files, you assume you r ex-husband will take you back? Her hamster is working overtime….dump current hubby, if you can’t trade up, you have a backup plan! Uh, no. ”

    You would be amazed how many women think this way and/or try to rope the ex husband back in when they realize they have made a mistake.

  60. Ras Al Ghul says:

    And as an addendum, most men once they’re out are glad they’re out.

  61. David,

    Part of this comes back to the whole concept of no-fault divorce. Religion aside, more often than not, it’s in a society’s best interests to promote husband and wife (and by extension, families) to stay together. In times past, it was nearly impossible to get a divorce for legitimate reasons, now the pendulum has swung too far in the opposite direction.

    That is entirely true. Fat chance we can reverse this damage to marriage. No-fault-divorce is one of the bedrocks of feminist theory and (right now) feminists control the law because they control the judges and the politicians.

    The best thing we can do is call these harpies out on it when they go out of their way to try and harm their ex-husbands. Here is Ann Coulter defending (of all people) Alec Baldwin! I am not even kidding. Ann is doing this because she knows divorce law and knows what a destroyer of men Kim Basinger is.

    http://www.anncoulter.com/columns/2013-11-20.html

    The most spectacular of Baldwin’s alleged misbehaviors — the angry voicemail he left for his daughter — resulted from his absolutely legitimate frustration over divorce laws written by feminists. His ex-wife, Kim Basinger, was jerking Baldwin around on child custody and he exploded in rage.

    I know people who were with Baldwin before he made that call. He had been working overtime all week on two TV shows, but instead of kicking back with friends when it was over, Baldwin went out of his way to keep a phone appointment with his daughter.

    She didn’t answer and he exploded, mostly at his wife, albeit via an angry message to his daughter. Baldwin’s voicemail was immediately released to the press by Basinger’s people.

    The court punished him for leaving the message. It did not punish Basinger for leaking it to the press.

    Up and down the family law system, the deck is relentlessly stacked against men. There are state and federal laws against “deadbeat dads” — rigorously enforced — but judges rarely enforce a father’s visitation rights.

    This has real-life consequences. Feminists don’t care, just as they don’t care about the real-life consequences of women in combat, abortion on demand or insane sexual harassment rules. It’s only about their side winning. They’re for the Girl Team.

    Alec Baldwin: Victim of feminism.

    Ireland is an absoltely beautiful girl and I am very pleased to see that she has (in some capacity) reconciled with her father and has done a number of public appearances with him. That was (and is) the right thing to do. And it must be very hard on her to do so given she is most likely doing that against her mother’s wishes.

    http://www.usmagazine.com/celebrity-news/news/ireland-baldwin-i-did-not-stand-up-for-my-father-alec-baldwin-20131811

  62. John Galt says:

    @ Ri Ri: “I mentioned before that around 50% of the married couples I know below the age of 50 are not *legally* married. A number of couples have been together like this for two decades and running now. And our break-up rate is low. When a break up does happen, its for good reason and its a lot smoother than a legal divorce.

    I do think we take our non-legal marriages more seriously.”

    You don’t need a piece of paper to tell the world you’re a loyal, caring partner. Other people have the piece of paper, and it isn’t worth the paper it’s printed on.

    Meanwhile the gays have obtained the right to get the piece of paper. I wonder how long until they come to realize it’s a booby price?

    Ah, irony….

  63. Anonymous Reader says:

    Ri Ri? Rut Roh… Didn’t your Indian Grandmother teach you any real manners?

  64. I think SSM just “outed” her.

  65. greyghost says:

    That article was a rationalization for a frivorce. The whole thing was a feel sorry for me I’m a victim of a decision I made that my husband and children paid for. All of the female commenters didn’t lose their kids, don’t pay child support or anything else. Make it default fathers custody and then write the article.

  66. RMM says:

    Wonder what a list like that would look like if it was written from the guy’s perspective:

    1. It’s nothing like when you were away on business and she called you every 10 minutes to check up on you. You can actually tell her to take a hike and hang up. Make sure you’re sitting down the first time you do it.

    2. Unfortunately, she IS going to try to be there, for a long time, after your divorce. It will take quite a bit of work to get rid of her completely, as she’ll still feel entitled to your time, money, and attention; even when the divorce was her idea (70%+ chance of that).

    3. She’ll rush things and catch you completely blind-sided… with the help of the government and on your dime. Expect false accusations of abuse to fly your way.

    4. Even if you try to hide your divorce, she’ll make a point to announce to the four winds what a terrible person you are, and how you forced her to divorce you. You’ll stop wanting to talk about it when every person you know asks you what it is you did wrong.

    5. You’ll have to be honest with yourself and realize you have been conned – with your willing participation. The realization that marriage is a shit sandwich for the man may hit you hard. Chuck it to a very expensive learning experience and get on with your life.

    6. You may wonder whether you could have done something different to appease the crazy ex. Don’t worry, soon you’ll realize that nothing you did was ever right in her eyes, and thus there was fuck all you could have done.

    7. There is going to be an in-law situation where they side with her in all her lies and manipulations. You may find your own parents doing the same. That’s because she’ll have custody of the kids, and she’ll use access to the grandkids as a bargaining chip to have the grandparents throw you under the bus.

    8. When your kids are sick, you won’t be there to care for them. Expect to lose a lot of sleep thinking what the hell the crazy is doing to them.

    9. When you’re sick, she’s no longer there to nag you and belittle you. Rest easy.

    10. You won’t miss her cooking – she made a point to proudly proclaim she couldn’t cook after all. You can finally cook whatever the fuck you want. Enjoy it.

    11. She’ll still try to manipulate you by calling you pet names and acting as if she cares about you. It’s a no-win situation, as she’ll use your lack of response as fuel for her need of drama. Minimize contact. Use e-mail.

    12. If you thought talking money with your wife was a nightmare, wait until the ex comes along – she’ll feel twice as entitled to your hard earned money, and four times as bitchy, even though the divorce was her idea.

    13. There will be no more “do these chores and watch the kids while I go do things I didn’t have time to do in the six hours I spent sitting on my arse while they were at school”. Enjoy your peace and quiet when you arrive home.

    14. She’ll try to instigate physical contact in a lame attempt to try and keep control of you. Always keep some distance between the two of you. 5,000 miles should do the trick.

    15. You will miss your wedding ring, and the wedding presents, and pretty much everything you own. She’ll get all of it during the divorce, even if she doesn’t want it – out of pure petty lust for revenge; even if SHE was the one who divorced you.

    16. You’ll feel like an idiot looking at your wedding pics.

    17. You’ll be thankful you only rented a tuxedo for the ceremony.

    18. If you knew what you know now, you’d have told her to take a hike when she asked you to buy her a drink all those years ago. You wouldn’t have spent a small fortune on the wedding, the honeymoon where she cut you off sex after the third day, or the engagement ring with the meaningless rock that cost you several months of your gross salary. You’d have little debt, a tidy savings account, and a plan on how and when to retire. And much, much less stress.

    19. You may have to politely ask your parents to stop bothering you – you know they just want to have the grandkids.

    20. It’s not easy, because everything IS your fault. At least according to the ex, even if she was the one who cheated and divorced you. You pig, you.

    21. She’ll constantly try to nag you and find out if you’re seeing someone else.

    22. When she moves her exciting thug deadbeat loser boyfriend into your home, you’ll spend sleepless night after sleepless night worried about the safety of your kids (non-spousal partners who aren’t the biological fathers are the top of the list for murdered children – that is, if you don’t count “Sudden Death Syndrome”, a.k.a., “Mother Smothers Kid with Pillow Syndrome”).

    23. After the initial onslaught subsides, you’ll remember the past times when you were married… And wonder how on Earth you put up with all that crap.

    24. “What…” there will be exactly ONE of these. “What the fuck was I thinking?”

    25. You’ll look at your kids, the few times you’ll be allowed to by the state enforcement thugs, and wonder if there’s something you could do to have a chance to be part of their lives.

    26. You’ll notice it feels weird to have money in your bank account, even though she’s trying to bleed you dry and guilt trip you into paying for even more than the extortion package she extracted from you during divorce proceedings. That’s because court orders come with a fixed amount, and it means you can budget yourself around it. No more “spontaneous” gifts, or nasty surprises waiting when the credit card bills arrive at the end of the month.

    27. You may look at the bent fork you’re using to eat your ramen and get pissed off thinking of the expensive silverware that the ex took during divorce.

    28. You’ll stop worrying about the friends that keep pestering you about the wedding gifts, and what a waste the wedding was.

    29. You won’t lose any friends. Those who don’t stand by your side during your hardest time were not your friends to begin with. It may be a little disheartening to realize how much hypocrisiy surrounded you, but you’ll come out the other end knowing who your true friends are.

    30. Some of your family won’t understand she was the one who divorced you, and thanks to “No Fault” there was nothing you could have done.

    31. There will be a LOT of pain _when_ (not “if”) the ex decides the kids should be calling her thug boyfriend “daddy” instead of you. Parental alienation is hard to deal with, and she will try her best to alienate the kids from you.

    32. You’ll soon realize that confiding in your ex was a stupid idea, as everything you ever told her will be used against you – on a daily basis. Learn from this, and learn to shut up. She, on the other hand, will try to gift you with all the stories and drama of her life. Don’t fall for it, it’s all bullshit aimed at two things: a) make herself look like she doesn’t need you and get a rise of you, and b) get more money from you.

    33. She’ll try to keep you leashed and drop you in the friendzone, where she can control you and get benefits from you without giving anything back. Don’t fall for it.

    34. There may be a time when your kids see you as a stranger. You can thank mommy dearest for it.

    35. You will remember what it was like to fall in love with the woman you married, and wonder how on Earth you could be that stupid.

    36. The divorce meat grinder will, at least, open your eyes. You’ll never even contemplate the idea of marriage again. And if you have never married, remember that this list is only the tip of the iceberg.

  67. TFH says:

    RMM,

    That is some list…. I actually felt a surge of anger reading it, even though none of that has ever happened to me… I feel horrified that this sort of thing happens at all.

    YET…..

    We do see men re-marrying, even after enduring many of the things you listed. Mark Minter comes to mind. And while WF Price never said that he would not re-marry, the fact that he did, means all the horror he endured in his divorce, just wasn’t enough to scare him off permanently…

    So even the horrors you listed, apparently only keep a divorced man away for 3-4 years, after which they cave in and enter a Marriage 2.0 contract again.

  68. Feminist Hater says:

    Don’t get married. There isn’t a lick of reason to do it.

  69. Feminist Hater says:

    http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/nfl-cheerleader-accused-sexually-assaulting-12-year-old-boy-18-months-probation-report-article-1.1518231

    MMMMM! I wonder, if your wife tries to inappropriately touch a twelve year old’s penis while drunk and looking for sex with any man, can you divorce her?

    Also, wtf, jail the bitch.

  70. earl says:

    Women have no moral agency…therefore no jail time.

  71. 8oxer says:

    So even the horrors you listed, apparently only keep a divorced man away for 3-4 years, after which they cave in and enter a Marriage 2.0 contract again.

    The male rationalization hamster is very strong…

  72. Sisyphean says:

    “What about all the rationalization in the comments about “how much better for the kids” it is to divorce? I even see a few people saying they were better off because their own parents divorce rather than stay together arguing.”

    In my case this is exactly what needed to happen, largely because my mother is pretty close to literally crazy. There’s a lot of mental illness in her family, of just about every description. Many of her siblings have been diagnosed with something but not her, she’s always had someone supporting her so she hasn’t ever had to deal with her problems. I feel bad for my poor father because he had no idea what he was getting into, yet still he stayed far longer than he probably should have. He’s remarried now and happy. Interestingly when my father re-married he chose a woman strikingly similar to my wife: She’s relaxed, fun, supportive, and social as opposed to my mother who is an erratic, judgmental, intellectual.

    ~S

  73. Aquinas Dad says:

    We (the wife and I) have two single moms that we knew when they were married.
    The first, let’s call her Kelly, had 7 kids in 12 years with her husband. She was a SAHM while he worked in IT. He drank a bit too much, but loved the kids. Then he started sleeping with three other women and slapping her around.As in, I personally had to kick his ass when he started slapping her around at a BBQ while warning her he ‘might have to burn her again to teach her her place’.
    She divorced him and he promptly moved to Costa Rica and refuses to pay a penny.
    Kelly gets a lot of support from friends and family. She works as a nurse again, continues her education, and makes sure her kids spend time with decent dads to see what that looks like.
    She is terrified she will never re-marry and frankly terrified of marriage again because she ‘obviously can’t pick ‘em’.
    Let’s call the other on Lori. She has 5 kids over 16 years with her husband. He works as a nuclear engineer. He had to get her separate accounts because she would continually rack up huge debts for, oh, spa treatments, all new bathrooms (again) and such. He had accountants deal with mortgage, etc., and put her on a strict budget. She ‘couldn’t handle’ all the kids, so there was a twice-weekly maid. a tutor, and a nanny. Eventually a live-in housekeeper.
    When he got a major raise she tweeted ‘now I can finally be free’. She promptly filed for divorce and proudly explained to any and all that his new income was such that the alimony would ensure she never needed to work again. She went to court claiming cruelty, abuse, infidelity, the whole nine yards.
    New laws in her home state! She was eventually fined for making false statements, had her alimony set to the new state minimum, and based on the testimony for her 19 and 18 year olds lost custody. Now she lives in a cheap duplex, works as a waitress, and complains about the insurance on the mercedes she kept as part of the divorce. Her kids won’t speak to her and she complains bitterly on facebook and twitter about how people abandoned her when she needed them most. In the meantime I have had to tell her she is not to speak to my 16 year old son ever again for reasons you can imagine.
    Why bring them up?
    Kelly writes articles on how to manage finances and live frugally.
    Lori writes articles like ’36 things I wish I knew before my divorce’

  74. Marissa says:

    Good lord, RMM, that is more than enough to set my blood boiling. I’d like for all those Beyonces (“if I were a boy”) in the world to read this and reconsider. One thing you said jumped out at me. I’ve never known much about Sudden Infant Death Syndrome and it’s certainly mysterious. Comparing SIDS rates and abortion rates by race makes an interesting picture. It might be my ignorance, but I’ve never read anything from a historical perspective that mentions SIDS.

  75. BC says:

    Marissa: “What about all the rationalization in the comments about “how much better for the kids” it is to divorce? I even see a few people saying they were better off because their own parents divorce rather than stay together arguing.”

    Law of Averages.
    http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2012/08/whats-the-single-strongest-predictor-you-will-38240/
    Also, you answered it yourself: rationalization.

    @Aquinas Dad: Good contrast.

  76. earl says:

    Men want to marry a woman.

    Women want to be married…without having to deal with the “hassle” of a man being there.

  77. Women have no moral agency…therefore no jail time.

    Correct, they have no moral agency. That is why the perception among our civilized society is that we do NOT hold women to the level of account we would men. We tolerate a 35 year old woman touching a 12 year old boy’s penis or (worse) we in society say that the boy is LUCKY and that when WE were 12 year old boys, we would have wanted what he got.

    This Earl, is the world we create for ourselves when common sense, morality, a lack of moral agency, equality, man’s law vs God’s law, and feminism, collide all at the same moment. It is also the same soup we find ourselves in because as a society we refuse to have the serious discussions as to why men and women are not the same and why men and women are not held equally responsibel in their mistreatment of our children.

  78. Fred Flange says:

    One corollary to RMM’s divorce list, #34. Yes, alienation does happen, as an unwilling spectator I’ve seen it done more than once. But it can also backfire. The kids grow up and/or get wise and realize they’ve been lied to for years, then take Dad’s side and cut Mom off, or back away from her. The most obvious example in these parts is Janet Bloomfield’s story (a/k/a Judgy Bitch) on how she reconciled with her flawed but repentant father after years of enforced silence by her mother.

  79. Mikediver says:

    earl says:
    November 21, 2013 at 9:32 am
    “Men want to marry a woman.

    Women want to be married…without having to deal with the “hassle” of a man being there.”

    And now modern divorce law provides what women want; they get all the benefits of protection and provision from a man, while not having him around to prevent her from being the whore she is.

  80. feeriker says:

    You will have to remind yourself that you are not a failure. That the relationship simply ran its course, it had an expiration date.

    Hamsterbation, par excellence.

    If you knew what you knew now, you wouldn’t have spent all that money on that wedding dress. Instead you should have banked it to save for couples’ therapy.

    Hamsterlation: “The most painful way to realize, too late, that our wedding really was not ‘all about ME.”

    It’s not easy. Not even if you are the one who wanted a divorce.

    The entitlement mentality on full display (i.e., any mess that I make should be mopped up by someone else, without my having to feel any pain or pay any price for the mopping up, because I WANT IT AND I DESERVE IT!)

    You may lose some friends.

    There’s no “may” about it, sweetie – you WILL lose some friends – or maybe even all of them.

    It may take a long time for you to be ‘friends’ — whatever that means. It may never happen.

    The entitlement mentality at work again. The default assumption here is that “friendship” with the man you betrayed is somehow a given and that his natural and fully justifiable reaction of “f*** you, bitch – go rot in hell!” is an anomaly rather than the anticipated norm.

    There will be a time when your kids will wonder how the two of you were ever together in the first place. They may never even remember a time when you were together.

    Assuming that she doesn’t destroy them with her bitterness, sense of entitlement, or otherwise dysfunctional and destructive parenting skills, they might just grow up to realize that Mommy was a shallow, selfish bitch unworthy of any man’s attention in the first place and will strive to ensure that they NEVER follow her example. Making a conscious effort to not get married under current cultural conditions, EVER, would be a great start.

    The above makes you terrified to ever get married again.

    Good. The more men stop enabling both the female hamster and the divorce meat grinder, and the sooner, the better.

  81. earl says:

    I’m sure women would find moral agency quickly if they were thrown in jail for committing crimes or stripped of everything the have.

    They can sure find it when a man does something wrong to them.

  82. feeriker says:

    When I heard Dr Laura stipulate on her radio show that ONLY the three BIG-”A”s (Adultry, Abuse, and Addiction) were ever any reason for divorce, I couldn’t find any disagreement with that.

    Read Dr. Laura’s bio. That con-artista bitch has NO business giving family and marriage advice to ANYBODY, especially when it comes to the “adultery” part.

    There’s a reason she know longer has a syndicated radio program (it has to do with lots of people discovering the truth about her).

  83. Feminist Hater says:

    I don’t care what idea there is of the differences between men and women, that ‘cheer leading’ cheating whore belongs in jail.

  84. TFH says:

    Post-birth abortion (i.e. the mother ‘forgetting’ about leaving the kid in a hot car for a long time) is almost certainly more common among single mothers, and closely correlates to whether the father’s chilimony payments are still arriving (or whether he is in jail)…

  85. feeriker,

    There’s a reason she know longer has a syndicated radio program (it has to do with lots of people discovering the truth about her).

    No.

    The reason she no longer has a syndicated radio program has nothing to do with “truth” about her. It has to do with her using the six-letter N word repeatly on the air in one day, in an effort to take away the word’s power. She isn’t a racist, she is just offended that some words have so much power that they can’t be spoken, the word itself is blasphemy. She said it and it spooked all her sponsors (who must act in a politically correct manner) and they pulled their money so that ended her show. If her sponsors didn’t care that she used the word, she’d still have a show.

  86. 8to12 says:

    You will have to remind yourself that you are not a failure. That the relationship simply ran its course…

    The idiom “ran its course” has always made me think of a river running its course till it reaches the sea. Of course, rivers rarely run in a straight line. They have bends and curves.; often so many that it becomes difficult to determine in which direction the river is actually heading. Eventually they right themselves, head in the right direction, and end up at the sea.

    I keep forgetting the link, but I know there is a study that show that women who decided to get a divorce but then didn’t go though with it are happier five years later than the women who did go though with the divorce.

    Her marriage had not run its course. It was just a bend in the river. Her marriage would have made another turn and headed back in the right direction…had she stayed with it.

  87. greenlander says:

    +1 RMM lol

  88. hurting says:

    Zippy says:
    November 20, 2013 at 11:14 am

    I have found that one of the most oft-used phrases of double speak is the allegation that someone does not understand when it fact that person quite well understands but simply does not agree.

  89. UK Fred says:

    @IBB 10:48 am November 20
    Before the ‘modernisation’ of divorce law in Scotland, the three reasons were adultery, cruelty (actual physical violence) and desertion. I see those three as Biblical.

    @Zippy 11:14 am November 20 On the money, Sonny! Especially when the family members understand your motives but won’t say how right you are to divorce.

    @AR 12:16 November 20 I am unsure when the Terman Longitudinal Study made the findings that after correcting for all other variables, the child from a divorce had a life expectancy of five years less than a child whose parents remained married.

    @Lyn987 I have a friend who is a retired medical practitioner. His comment was that there are three sides to every marriage breakdown; his side, her side and the truth, which probably bears no resemblance to either of the other two stories.

    @8to12 4:54 pm 20 November Perhaps the person who wrote about being keen to break free should watch the Queen video of the song “I Want to Break Free” and maybe even grow a moustache, as well as read http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/sex/10463976/Casual-sex-linked-to-depression-and-suicidal-thoughts.html

    Sad to see that nowhere in the whole 37 things she wished she knew is there a thought of getting down on bended knee to ask forgiveness of the man she wronged by divorcing him in the first place. I know I’ve said it before, but I think that Rachel Clark had the right idea when she found out she had been conned into thinking divorce was the only way forward for a marriage in which she felt dissatisfied, but I also think her husband was very brave to take her back.

  90. davidvs says:

    At the time I read the article and comments, I noticed a complete absence of “I miss the physical intimacy” from the author of the article and from divorced commenters.

    More support that physical attraction prevents divorce.

  91. greyghost says:

    “Lori writes articles like ’36 things I wish I knew before my divorce’” No shit I guess I’m not the only one that notices the list as a rationalization of frivorce.

  92. Tam the Bam says:

    “I have found that one of the most oft-used phrases of double speak is the allegation that someone does not understand when it fact that person quite well understands but simply does not agree.”
    Therefore, in dire need of re-education .. heh, this stuff becomes a seamless web after a while :)

  93. hurting says:

    Some thoughts…

    1. RMM for the win
    2. I can attest to the absurdity of the ‘friends’ idea post divorce? You subject my children and myself to the most extreme mental cruelty a person can endure (there is absolutely nothing worse a mother can to the father of her children than to divorce him) and improverish me in the process and expect anything less than utter contempt back? Huh?
    3. I suspect that a lot of people who claim they wish their parents had divorced rather than staying together have no earthly clue as to the very real hardship divorce entails for all involved.
    4. RMM for the win (yes, I know I listed it twice).

  94. deti says:

    TFH:

    “So even the horrors [RMM] listed, apparently only keep a divorced man away for 3-4 years, after which they cave in and enter a Marriage 2.0 contract again”

    Hell of a list, RMM.

    I am convinced that what happens many times in these cases of MRAs remarrying is the power and lure of stability, predictability and regular sex is too strong. I don’t know if that happened with Minter or Price, but I suspect it does happen.

    Another great girl comes along. She’s kind, nice and feminine. They date for a certain amount of time with regular sex. Then comes the Define the Relationship talk in which they become exclusive.

    This is followed with the Ultimatum: “I want to get married and if we’re not going to get married, I’m moving on.” This roughly hamsterlates to “If we’re not getting married, I’m cutting you off. No more sex for you. I’ll be screwing someone else in a couple of weeks who I will hope to get married to. You on the other hand will be getting no sex until you find someone else. That could be months or years. “

  95. Ras Al Ghul says:

    Once the ultimatum is given though, the relationship is doomed either way.

    The fascinating thing is if you ask women this, they will agree the relationship is over, yet many of them still do it

  96. John Galt says:

    @deti: “This is followed with the Ultimatum: “I want to get married and if we’re not going to get married, I’m moving on.” This roughly hamsterlates to “If we’re not getting married, I’m cutting you off. No more sex for you. I’ll be screwing someone else in a couple of weeks who I will hope to get married to. You on the other hand will be getting no sex until you find someone else. That could be months or years. “

    Every time my girlfriend says this, I tell her not to let the door catch her on the ass. It infuriates her, but she always comes back. And is usually quite “friendly.”

    Thing is, if she didn’t come back, I honestly don’t know if I’d replace her or enjoy being a guy with my own shit to do.

    and THAT, gentlemen, is why I will never get married again. No woman can do scorched earth.

  97. John Galt says:

    Edited to add; I’m in my early 40s. This probably would not have worked at 25.

  98. Oblivion says:

    http://jamesmsama.wordpress.com/2013/11/06/10-ways-to-know-youre-dating-a-real-man/

    hold my beer and read the comments lol

    a real man blah blah blah

  99. MarcusD says:

    @Oblivion

    Semantic analysis suggests female with significant feminist tendencies. Odd.

  100. alphabetasoup says:

    If there is one thing I learned from watching my own mother divorce five times with numerous carousel rides in between was that some women are fundamentally incapable of listening to anything other than thier own hamster. I got past the bitterness years ago and have settled into pity/sorrow for her.

    I guess the only good to come of it was me graphically seeing what a trainwreck looks like and what/who to avoid.

  101. Tam the Bam says:

    .. and the illustrations are seemingly exhumed from the “1975″ archive or thereabouts, to match the discourse. Of course this may be intentional. 35mm SLR? What’s that all about?

  102. @John Galt:

    Indeed. The main reason marriage doesn’t work is due to the inability to instill dread of either losing the man’s emotional bond, losing the man’s resources, or the man gaining another partner.

    All of this can be avoided by (a) not signing marriage contracts and (b) being polygamous/not being exclusive

    I mastered the skill of telling my ex wife not to let the door hit her where the good Lord split her, and our divorce went smoothly, and nowadays she keeps propositioning me. (Sorry, sweetheart: no validation from me anymore.)

    Back when I begged her to stay (since I actually still believed marriage could exist), she’d just get angry and leave.

  103. Pingback: Links and Comments #18 (Thanksgiving Edition) | The Society of Phineas

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