Why wouldn’t he take her call when she was drunk?

A woman on Yahoo Answers asked yesterday why a guy she is interested in is acting so strangely.  She was out drinking the other night and called him when she was very near to being blackout drunk.  He told her not to call him when she was drunk, and wouldn’t answer her repeated drunken callback attempts.  The next day he tried to contact her multiple times, but now she is ignoring his calls.  She wants to know why a man would act this way.

Here is my answer:

—————–

This is a classic case of not realizing what you want until you can’t have it. I can’t tell you the number of men who have contacted me in a panic after figuring out too late that their dream in life was to marry an alcoholic party girl. One man only realized his error after introducing a nice well mannered woman with self restraint to his mother; she took one look at her and pointed out that he wouldn’t want such a boring woman to raise his children! The problem for him of course is that by the time he accepted his mother’s words of wisdom all of the truly alcoholic girls were already married.

All you can do is accept that this is entirely his problem. Most men take a few years before they can truly appreciate a woman who is able to get blackout drunk. Just keep doing what you are doing, and good things are bound to happen.

Source(s):
I’m a happily married father who writes a popular blog on marriage.

—————–

I intended this to hopefully jar her into reconsidering the path she is following. When I submitted it I thought the most likely response would be for her to withdraw the question (as ultimately happened to this one). I was surprised to see that she very quickly selected my response as the best answer, giving it a five star rating with the comment:

Hehe I loved your words, and agree with you on what you said. Many thanks :)

My best guess is that I was too subtle, but my wife is convinced that the woman knew I was calling her out and being called out by a man was exactly what the woman was craving.

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51 Responses to Why wouldn’t he take her call when she was drunk?

  1. Solomon says:

    I don’t think she picked up the sarcasm. Booze will do that to ya…

  2. taterearl says:

    “One man only realized his error after introducing a nice well mannered woman with self restraint to his mother; she took one look at her and pointed out that he wouldn’t want such a boring woman to raise his children!”

    It wouldn’t surprise me if some mothers actually gave out those words of wisdom.

  3. driversuz says:

    Too subtle? Only if she didn’t read it! I think your wife nailed it; this is a gal who kinda-sorta realizes that what she’s doing miiiiight not be working. She may not be ready to look for answers, but I suspect she’s at least looking for anyone who has the guts to challenge her status quo. Her man posed that challenge when he told her not to call, but (to her) he appears to have “backed down” by trying to call now. Not answering his calls is an obvious shit test, and she’s probably secretly disappointed that he keeps calling. You, OTOH, are picking up the challenge where he left off. The lady needs a boss.

  4. Yea, file under ‘catch and release’…

    She’s demented, best leave her to the wolves.

  5. Frank says:

    Women like fish are awash in a sea of their own narcissism. “Water, what water?”

  6. taterearl says:

    “All you can do is accept that this is entirely his problem.”

    That’s like preaching to the choir when you tell that to a woman.

  7. I’ve been chatting with this mark I picked up at a Churchian gathering and last night she started texting me that she was drinking and “beware, I’m not responsible for what I say, haha. You have been warned, brave soul”

    My response: “I am going to bed. I have things to do tomorrow.” She said goodnight and I didn’t bother replying. It’s a tough job teaching these modern women that drunkenness and party-grrrl attitude are not on our list of respectable marriage material.

    Sounds like the guy above could have pulled off a real SMV jump if he avoided calling her the next day, that is, if he still wanted to stick around with this drunken woman and by association her cheer-leading friends (who probably urged her to go home with another guy when this one didn’t feel like putting up with her drunken nonsense).

    Hopefully the lad in question will figure out early that you can’t find a wife in a whorehouse.

  8. mcp says:

    Asshole level: Dalrock.

  9. Hf says:

    LOL Dalrock, youre one funny SoB!

  10. Frank says:

    It’s also possible she was still drunk when she five starred your response.

  11. Joe Blow says:

    I’ve always thought that “Why wouldn’t he take my call when I was drunk” was a self-answering question. Talking on the phone at night to a drunk woman is much like talking to a completely crazy person, who also happens to be drunk.

    If you want to talk to a drunk girl to maybe get laid, fine. A lot of booty calls start with a drunk dial. But if you’re thinking relationship, this is a flashing red “road out ahead” sign. FWIW, this is just one fairly obviously corrollary to the ManLaw I am teaching my son, “Nothing good ever happens in bars after midnight.” Truth.

  12. Cane Caldo says:

    Mrs. Dalrock is right, I believe. Though, I doubt if Drunkgirl’s new-found insight is going to help her make better decisions this weekend. She’ll pout to her friends, “I’m not bad, am I?”, and they’ll all say, “No, you’re sweet! Everything’s fine.”

    Thus reassured, she’ll grab a bottle, and her phone…

  13. T says:

    She expected him to come running to her recue or at least be really concerned that she was so drunk. He didn’t and now she’s mad and ignoring his calls. I doubt that she’ll change her behavior because of this. She’ll just call a different man when she wants attention the next time.

  14. @Cane Caldo

    And Likely another man. Her friends were probably miffed when her gentleman kept rejecting her calls.

    “You deserve soooo much better baaaabe. We’re here for you. We’re gonna find you a man that is much better. You just gotta stick with us.” As her SMV goes down the drain.

    It’s odd. Friends used to be surefire places of harsh, yet honest, council. These days it’s an echo-chamber of social-norming and reinforcement for one’s own questionable practices and opinions. I’ve also watched single women work tirelessly to sabotage the more-or-less healthy relationships of friends and have the nerve to tell her buddy, “It was for your own good.”

  15. The Artist Formerly Known As - says:

    @Dalrock demonstrates that “Agree&Amplify” always works on (particular kind of) girls.

  16. sunshinemary says:

    Oddly, I agree with T. The young woman wanted attention from the man she called and was also testing him: Will he get all concerned and drawn into my drama? However, the fact that he is calling her now indicates that he is in progress of failing a massive poo-test.

    I also agree with Mrs. Dalrock; the way the young woman writes “hehe” and adds an emoticon implies that she is sort of abashedly admitting that she wants to be corrected by another man. You passed her fitness test; that’s why she liked your answer.

  17. Perhaps she really thinks Dalrock means well and that men really want women who get drunk like them?

  18. Tam the Bam says:

    Could be the guy was wondering if she was still alive.
    The state some of them quite deliberately get into round here on a nightly basis, I wouldn’t be at all surprised to find that more than a few have involuntarily made their way into Findus celebrated lasagne, supermarket own-brand burgers, and Spanish dogfood.

    Hardly beta. Just decent, and above all prudent. The first place the cops come looking is the boyfriend(s). And often the last, whether he did it or not.

    Could it in itself be a (noisy, grossly insanitary) mass shit test?
    “We’ll get off our faces miles from home, stagger around near-naked, wearing our jewels and screeching our heads off, and we just dare any scummy creepy little man to even look at us”.
    It’s not even a lesson they could learn, given that most of the night-creatures who might take them up on it are pretty evasive and sneaky, so the rest of the herd doesn’t see the mess, or hear the shrieks.
    Personally it’s a thing I and most of the guys I’ve ever worked with have been very careful to avoid, getting isolated in dodgy areas at night. Drunk? No chance. And we’re middle-aged mostly Glaswegian building workers.
    Reclaim the night? Slutwalks? Aye that’ll be shining bright, yer on yer jack jones with that one, hen, “it’s my right” be b******d.

  19. taterearl says:

    So the moral of this story is that Mrs. Dalrock can hold her liquor pretty well.

  20. Jeremy says:

    The question itself is likely fake.

  21. How many years did it take you to learn to appreciate women in this fashion Dalrock?

  22. @FH

    “Perhaps she really thinks Dalrock means well and that men really want women who get drunk like them?”

    Team woman, my firend.

  23. tz2026 says:

    iPod, iPhone, iNebriated. Ore the earlier Bugs Bunny, are you in, genius, are you in, ebriated?

    Before asking why a man would act in *this* way, the questioner should ask why would she, a woman, act in *this* way.

    There is a recent country song attempting to demonstrate alcohol (tequila, IIRC) cause clothes to fall off on women.

    Alcohol is not known to be a direct aphrodisiac, however it might be so in the sense “the girls all look prettier at closing”. This might not have a large gender based difference.

    Iron is the metal associated with mars. Irony doesn’t work on the con-Cupricent. There is irony that there are no female symphony orchestra conductors I can think of.

    My only wonder is that the species didn’t die out earlier. Yes, I know that attraction can override both reason and emotion, but in the absence of Divine Providence (or perhaps a bizarre sense of humor on the part of our creator), there would be no human being alive now.

  24. Morticia says:

    Everyone knows you never drunk call. You drunk-facebook..so that everyone you know can laugh at you and you won’t have to wonder what it is you said right before you black out.
    Or you can drunk blog… http://likeinbooks.wordpress.com/2013/02/15/nigella-lawson-makes-me-rethink-polygamy/
    Whatever your preference.

    *As always, make sure to drink responsibly and if you are a parent have a designated parent on duty in case of emergency.

  25. 30words says:

    Serious question:
    Do you just look through yahoo questions for fun? I love it and it obviously gives you some good material- ok I probably just answered my own question.

  26. @Morticia

    “Everyone knows you never drunk call. You drunk-facebook..so that everyone you know can laugh at you and you won’t have to wonder what it is you said right before you black out.
    Or you can drunk blog… http://likeinbooks.wordpress.com/2013/02/15/nigella-lawson-makes-me-rethink-polygamy/
    Whatever your preference.

    *As always, make sure to drink responsibly and if you are a parent have a designated parent on duty in case of emergency.”

    That’s it. Subbed.

    Too true, though. Text is easier to trace and or track the next morning. If I have had an awful night and spent it online in a world-despising stupor (typically from election-debate drinking games or State of the Union drinking games), I log on and check my messages to see exactly what level of sauced I was. I’ve declared war against third world countries in some of my drunken antics.

    To be young…..

  27. Mark Minter says:

    My mother pounded into me that

    If the husband is a drunk, the wife suffers.
    If the wife is a drunk, the family suffers.

  28. Mark Minter says:

    After posting that, the irony of how “The Family” is suffering and the rise in female binge drinking might have some relation. Who knows?

  29. greyghost says:

    Every once in a while I will do Yahoo answers. I’m greyghost there too. I get some good responses some times. I’m not as elegant a writer as Dalrock.

  30. Martian Bachelor says:

    This woman’s story is just a restatement of the Hamster’s Mantra: “If you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best.” (whatever that is)

    This has been attributed to Marilyn Monroe, but I don’t know who first thunk it up.

    The guy should have taken advantage of the opportunity to get his dishes done: You know you’re a redneck when you think “loading the dishwasher” means getting your woman drunk. (Foxworthy 7:53)

    Ha! She’s a self-loading model.

  31. taterearl says:

    “If you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best.” (whatever that is)

    It means if you can’t pass her fitness test correctly, you don’t deserve sexy time.

  32. Solomon says:

    I know girls love the MM quote “If you can’t handle me at my worst, then you don’t deserve me at my best” and I don’t know what MM’s “worst” was, but…

    The girls that say that quote today haven’t taken into account this perspective:

    “Your worst sucks, is unacceptable, and you are hereby rejected and disqualified for being an unwise, undisciplined, errant fool. Your ‘best’ is unimpressive and disappointing as well.”

    Most girls cannot compute the fact that they are intolerable and lack even the basic elements of character or wisdom- probably because their trip on the carousel seems to contradict or deny the natural consequence- rejection. Too dumb to know that the carousel is rejection too.

    Women- your pussy-pass is played out. If you banked on that in life, you have earned your suffering well. Your sass and ill behavior is unbecoming, and will earn you the same desolation.

    Had to get that off my chest. Carry on

  33. Novaseeker says:

    Everyone knows you never drunk call. You drunk-facebook..so that everyone you know can laugh at you and you won’t have to wonder what it is you said right before you black out.
    Or you can drunk blog… http://likeinbooks.wordpress.com/2013/02/15/nigella-lawson-makes-me-rethink-polygamy/
    Whatever your preference.

    Or don’t do it at all.

    Nigella Lawson is attractive for her age, but her cameo shots are very, very different from her posed glamour shots. She’s still a fairly attractive woman in her 50s, but much more normal looking than she is in her posed, brushed glam shots, which make her look like she’s in her 30s.

  34. Morticia says:

    Or don’t do it at all.

    Now your just talking crazy.

  35. Novaseeker – you would deny us our cheap* entertainment?

    * depending on the state minimum price of the booze, of course.

  36. Ton says:

    Tam the Bam, to most women, decent and prudent screams beta-chump

  37. Martian Bachelor says:

    Solomon – the way zed put it was: women have fallen in love with THE BITCH. Themselves.

    What I notice in the current use of that quote is how they now demand the man take the shitty end of the stick first (and no guarantees regarding the other end), which was unthinkable even to the über-alpha fems of MM’s time.

    And of course nowadays women have the entire Domestic Violence Industrial Complex to back them up and put the guy through the meat grinder if he obeys her but doesn’t “handle” her perfectly according to her idiosyncratic requirements.

  38. As a 9 year veteran of the spirits industry I have seen all of this first hand. I have put women into cabs who were too hammered to drive home. I have picked them up off the pavement and called their boyfriends to come get them after a particularly rough GNO.

    I wont say I haven’t encountered my share of certifiable alcoholic guys, but in those 9 years I have definitely noticed a progressive trend in women’s drinking habits. What Dal is observing here is the origination point of blamelessness women assume will be excused for themselves. This doesn’t just apply to drinking obviously, but when that’s the plenary indulgence they start with – they’re gonna get drunk and you’re gonna be OK with that because it’s men, not women who are the drunkards usually – this is when the real problems start.

    I wont lie, back in the early 2000’s all of the martinis the ladies were sipping in Sex and the City was a godsend for vodka brand profits, but alcohol is just one more arena women think they can and should be men’s equals in. Unfortunately the general, overall lack of accountability men and society affords women transfers to women’s drinking habits too – only the consequences for women’s lack of discretion with their drinking is amplified because they believe they’ll be afforded a pardon for being women before they indulge. A woman’s first realization that men and women aren’t in fact egalitarian or biological equals often comes after a weekend bender with her girlfriends.

  39. Chuck Hammer says:

    My best guess is that I was too subtle, but my wife is convinced that the woman knew I was calling her out…..

    A third possibility – the woman didn’t really read your response.

    Nobody reads any more. In my business I send many e-mails to customers and I’ve noticed many of them don’t read past the first sentence. They’ll reply and ask me a question that was answered in the second sentence of my first e-mail.

    So your drunken woman read:
    This is a classic case of not realizing what you want until you can’t have it. I can’t tell you the number of men who have contacted me in a panic after figuring out too late that their – blah – blah – blah. One man only realized his error after – blah – blah – blah! The problem for him of course is that – blah – blah – blah.

    All you can do is accept that this is entirely his problem. Most men – blah – blah – blah – they can truly appreciate a woman – blah – blah – blah – blah – blah – blah – blah – blah – blah –

    That’s what she read and what she took away from your comment was: This is a classic case of not realizing what you want until you can’t have it. And of course she loved that idea.

  40. Chuck Hammer says:

    It’s just struck me that she read your comment with hamstervision. Hamstervision sees only what it wants to see. So five stars dude!

  41. Rico says:

    This woman’s story is just a restatement of the Hamster’s Mantra: “If you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best.” (whatever that is)

    This has been attributed to Marilyn Monroe, but I don’t know who first thunk it up.

    My internal response whenever some tart posts that nugget on FB is: “well, you’re not Marilyn, are you dear?”

  42. Michael says:

    I don’t understand this post.

  43. Bee says:

    Dalrock,

    Have you been able to help a lot of people on Yahoo Answers?

  44. Höllenhund says:

    Typical modern Western broad at her best = still pretty a much a pile of crap when you consider what you’d have to put up with when she’s her worst

    Marilyn Monroe at her best = still wasn’t worth putting up with what she was at her worst, judging by her string of failed relationships. Her life was a failure.

  45. Dalrock says:

    @Bee

    Have you been able to help a lot of people on Yahoo Answers?

    I’ve been pleasantly surprised at how many people are willing to consider my very counter-cultural advice. Who knows what people end up doing after accepting my advice (and I agree with Cane above that this one in specific is very unlikely to change course), but several have given me hope. This man comes to mind, as do this woman and this woman, among others.

    @30Words

    Do you just look through yahoo questions for fun? I love it and it obviously gives you some good material- ok I probably just answered my own question.

    I see the opportunity to help reduce the devastation of divorce, even at an individual family/child level as an incredible potential win. Imagine if you could help even just one child grow up in an intact home where they otherwise would not. I don’t know how many situations we can truly help at the end of the day, but this is my sincere hope.

  46. Pingback: You Can’t Handle Me |

  47. Mark says:

    Today’s modern woman really knows how to hold her liquor…………..right by the ears!

  48. Solomon says:

    Thanks Rollo

  49. tz says:

    Here again the feminists have missed the point. When the culture valued wives and mothers, husband-fathers would have to put up with a lot anyway but the purpose – children – was different and central, not ancillary. “At their best” was on the pedestal of motherhood. Bonus points if you like. If they are just like any other rat in the race, their best is usually inferior to the male average. Their worst I haven’t looked at (and really don’t want to).

    Tolerance means allowing some evil because it would require some large evil or cancelling a good not to do so. I can think of no reason to tolerate any bad behavior by a feminist, as I cannot think of any greater evil that would occur, or any good that would be cancelled, with the possible exception that such behavior is frequently fatal (I’m not a Darwinist, but sometimes it is best to let natural selection take its course), but that isn’t really tolerating it.

  50. Sober says:

    I don’t put up with drunk people, period. I will take a phone call and pick someone up (because I will potentially save someone’s life in another car by driving said caller home)
    But if someone over 25 calls/texts/messages me drunk more than once, they are pretty quickly out of my life. This is where there is no “feminism” versus “nurturing” or special treatment for any other reason.
    Kids (under 25) get drunk (and even then, I’m giving a LOT of freedom to “grow up”) At one point, one learns that getting drunk off of their gourd, driving home buzzed, waking up somewhere they shouldn’t, texting something they shouldn’t, is not what a grown-up does…. I think that point is somewhere near 25-years-old. After that, a person either is grossly under-developed, immature, irresponsible, or has a drinking problem. In any case, those aren’t the type of men or women I want to hang around. So any man or woman texting me or calling me drunk, I may give them one “oops” after a wedding, Christmas party, or big celebration. But after that, I place them in the same category as the rest of the people I choose not to hang around.
    I choose to hang around fun people who can drink a little and have fun, who enjoy a fun crowd, but not someone you have to shovel into a taxi sideways. I like to laugh WITH my friends, not AT them…

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