Divorce made Lorraine Berry sexy!

I came across an empowering story of divorce by Lorraine Berry at Salon titled How getting divorced revived my sex life (H/T Uncle Elmer).

At 38, my libido came roaring back.

What was her secret?  All she had to do was divorce the man who had fathered her children and stood by her for years while she was not only injured but made herself as unattractive as possible:

By 30, I had turned into an invisible woman. I grocery shopped in sweatpants and hoodies.

Clearly what she needed was to get her groove back.  Luckily her injury was remedied, a crucial step freeing her to the bliss that is divorce.  Her improved health and the wisdom of her own writing lead to an epiphany:

That is, as much as I had once loved my husband — as much as he was still a good man, a great father — I wanted out.

However, like many late life divorcées, she feared she had lost her mojo. But this is where the article’s empowerment really kicks in:

…something amazing happened. Everywhere I went, people stared…

…the first man I became involved with was 24 — 14 years younger than me…

I did not need him to tell me I was sexy.

Click to see how sexy divorce made her.

For inexplicable reasons, her relationship with the younger man didn’t last, but her empowerment continued.  In fact, her story of empowerment was just beginning:

Click to see why.

…my libido has become a permanent, prominent part of who I am now, just a few weeks shy of celebrating my 48th birthday.

I’ll take this as confirmation that women aren’t really done with men later in life.  And don’t worry, just like EPL and How Stella Got Her Groove Back, this story ends with her finding commitment.  Well, not exactly commitment, but an assumption of commitment:

For the past three years, I have loved and been loved by the man I assume to be my life partner.

Note:  The original Salon article didn’t include photos of Ms. Berry.  I know I’ll probably get some flack from some of my more feminist readers for gratuitously linking to them from my post:  how dare you exploit her raw sexuality to drive traffic to your blog!  The first photo is from a column of hers at Talking Writing.  The second is from her profile at She Writes.

See Also:  Lorraine Berry update.

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This entry was posted in Ageing Feminists, Grey Divorce, Manosphere Humor, Post Marital Spinsterhood, Satire. Bookmark the permalink.

64 Responses to Divorce made Lorraine Berry sexy!

  1. Lavazza says:

    LOL! I am speechless. I can’t find anything to add.

  2. Twenty says:

    Dude, with pics like that, you should slap a NSFW warning on this puppy!

    I know I’m going to need to take a break to clear my mind.

  3. RL says:

    Is she really 50, or actually 70? OMG, how can anyone get it up with this woman?

  4. Ceer says:

    Older women often find solace with younger betas. The beta in turn got a used up vagina.

    Hamster alert on the last part where she describes the assumption of commitment. There is no such thing. The last woman I know who believed this had a man run off and leave her with a child.

  5. jack says:

    When the hamster waxes poetic, it means that the pretty lies are at their most egregious:

    And then, alighted with that passion, something amazing happened.

    Ugh.

  6. Anonymous Reader says:

    Divorce promotion like this reminds me of, oh, a really fat person insisting that everyone should eat a gallon of ice cream per day, or someone with very bad teeth walking around handing out caramels & jawbreakers. Rationalization hamsters on steroids…

    But so long as women do not scorn this stuff, it will continue.

    Which reminds me, it appears that one of the drivers for sales of e-readers such as Kindle, Nook, etc. is … emo-porn. Here is a very interesting article in which the little bread crumbs left by downloaders across the net have been analyzed, and once again we see that women are verbal while men are visual, when it comes to porn.

    http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704463804576291181510459902.html

    Really, it is worth a look.

  7. Dalrock says:

    @Twenty
    Dude, with pics like that, you should slap a NSFW warning on this puppy!

    I know I’m going to need to take a break to clear my mind.

    That’s why I didn’t include the part where she writes about what she looks like in a teddy. Once you’ve pictured that in your mind, it will never go… oh, sorry!

  8. sean says:

    Omg I read this article & thought the same thing. You forgot the part in the article where she mentions she lost 40 pounds post divorce I believe. No why wouldn’t her husband find her sexy? overweight & chronic pain are definitely turnons. I am surprised by the 24 year old. Why do younger guys go after old women?

  9. Saint Louis says:

    To be fair, she is ten years older now than when the divorce happened, and the 40s aren’t particularly kind to women. She may have been okay at 38. Not hot, but maybe okay. Of course, the fact that she’s a self-centered brat would be enough of a turn-off for me.

  10. Gorbachev says:

    Things she wouldn’t do for the man who married her, she’ll do for guys who kinda hang around for a while.

    Pathetic narcissism.

  11. Roland3337 says:

    Ohmigod…my nads just shriviled up a centimeter or two. SCARY SCARY PICS…

  12. Butterfly Flower says:

    Do feminists view Lorraine Berry as a cautionary tale?

    I mean, what sane woman would want to follow her advice? Look at all those wrinkles! Those are unhappy face wrinkles; she looks like she spent a majority of her life scowling.

    – old and alone; that’s not a life to aspire for!

    Anyway, what about her children?

    …in the article it sounded like Berry was indirectly blaming her children for all her life’s problems.

    “If only I hadn’t gotten married and had kids! I wouldn’t have been as tied down! I could have been slutting around and hooking up with younger men!”

    …I really can’t comment on how disturbing her logic is.

  13. Chris says:

    What a lovely pretty set of lies. You wonder about her kids. And… even though I ain’t an oil painting, this solo Dad says no freaking way.

  14. great story dalrock. there are a lot of women who’ve found themselves in loveless relationships either by marrying too early, in which I’m referring to one of your more recent posts, or that it just doesn’t work out. It’s still a gamble though. You either give up everything you have for a chance. But hey! when you’re unhappy, you’re unhappy.

  15. Brendan says:

    I am surprised by the 24 year old. Why do younger guys go after old women?

    Sex is on the table, and much more in supply than it is from 24 year old women. It’s supply and demand. In the same age 24 year old market, women control the market — they are much, much, much more in demand than 24 year old men are. In the cougar market, the young men have a much stronger control on the market because, among cougars (and women who, like this one, are Cougar-flexible), they are in high demand — much higher demand than they are among 24 year old women.

  16. Uncle Elmer says:

    When I first saw this on Salon I started to post a comment about my wild 40’s and how I finally decided to settle down so imported a traditional foreign gal and now am filling buckets nightly. But they tend to delete my posts for being off-narrative so backed off.

    Other men impaled her in the comments section though, with concomitant insults from women about how they were all bitter, misogynist losers.

    Sites like Salon recognize that these essays draw a lot of traffic and are good for business.

    It’s time for you to go mainstream Dalrock. Your recent advisory posts for single women may do that.

  17. OneSTDV says:

    I know I’ll probably get some flack from some of my more feminist readers for gratuitously linking to them from my post: how dare you exploit her raw sexuality to drive traffic to your blog!

    That deserves an LOL.

    (And great post otherwise.)

  18. Dalrock says:

    @Butterfly Flower
    Do feminists view Lorraine Berry as a cautionary tale?

    I mean, what sane woman would want to follow her advice? Look at all those wrinkles! Those are unhappy face wrinkles; she looks like she spent a majority of her life scowling.

    – old and alone; that’s not a life to aspire for!

    My guess is very few women who read the original story saw it as a cautionary tale. It certainly wasn’t intended by Salon to be one. This was about divorce empowerment. Showing the reality of the photos would have ruined the “true life story”, just like a semi close examination of EPL, Stella, Single in the Suburbs, the AARP survey (grey divorce empowerment), etc. All of these divorce empowerment stories can’t stand up to the most casual of scrutiny, but the women reading want to believe. So their hamsters spin, until one day exhaustion overcomes it. By then it is too late. They can’t go back and make good choices.

    Anyway, what about her children?

    …in the article it sounded like Berry was indirectly blaming her children for all her life’s problems.

    Good point. In her Talking Writing profile it says she is shacked up with her “partner” and raising her two teenage daughters. I’m sure they are delighted to have their mother publishing pieces like this under her real name.

  19. Dalrock says:

    One more thing I just found. In the Salon article she says she shut her husband out by turning to her children for love:

    Certainly, I played a part. Just before giving birth to our second child, I had blown a disc in my neck. Chronic pain, pregnancy and prescription painkillers are not a recipe for erotic bliss. Instead, I found the closeness I’d always craved holding my children, nursing, carrying an infant.

    Searching her name, I just found a letter to the editor which appears to be from her (her name, right location, etc):

    The recent decision by the Federal Consumer Product Safety Commission to advise against parents and infants sleeping in the same bed (front page, Sept. 30) is another example of policy being based on one flawed study.

    As the mother of two children who slept with my husband and me, I can tell you that when you sleep in a bed with an infant, you know exactly where that child is at all times.

  20. NMH says:

    It doesn’t really surprise me that this old prune is getting plenty of casual/LTR sex, if she lives in fly over country. Where I live (the Ohio Valley) attractive women older than college age are rare due to the obesity epidemic. And when you get into your 40’s and 50’s they even become rarer. In my mid 40’s, Ill see an age adjusted 8 about once in 6 months. Even if she looks this bad she can still find someone to bang, because so many younger men are desperate for sex/affection; heck, I may have banged her when I was 25 and I did not have any options with women.

    It really does not improve much for a man as you get older if you are not an alpha living in fly over country, as attractive women are so few they still get tons of interest of men of all ages. You might as well stiffen your back and find other interests other than women–the older used up barely sexable hags really dont deserve it. If there is no god, then men like me who will now refuse them is a great way to make them pay for their previous indiscretions.

  21. Uncle Elmer says:

    I don’t think she mentioned anywhere that it was her husband’s health insurance that covered the cost for surgery to correct her chronic pain condition.

  22. “The recent decision by the Federal Consumer Product Safety Commission to advise against parents and infants sleeping in the same bed (front page, Sept. 30) is another example of policy being based on one flawed study.

    As the mother of two children who slept with my husband and me, I can tell you that when you sleep in a bed with an infant, you know exactly where that child is at all times.”

    It’s called “Attachment Parenting” and it’s quite controversial.

  23. Anonymous Reader says:

    Yep. Before it was called “attachment parenting”, it was promoted in a book entitled “The Family Bed”. The La Leche League used to hand it out in the 80’s. Couple of friends of mine showed it to me, back then, they’d been given a copy shortly after coming back from hospital with their first child.

    Got to wonder about the whole idea, frankly, and its real purpose. There are a whole lot of reasons for not keeping an infant in the same bed as adults. Same room, maybe so, for a while. Same bed? Sheesh. So reading between the lines, Berry transferred her affections from her husband to her child(ren), i.e. she “married her kids” in my terminology. Little wonder that this led in time to a divorce, initiated by her.

    Butterfly flower, it isn’t intended to warn anyone of anything. It’s a celebration of divorce as some sort of liberating thing to do. Dalrock’s already posted links to his previous articles on this. They are worth reading, and pondering. A married woman who finds her friends divorcing should consider finding some new friends. Seriously.

    If Berry truly has teen aged daughters living with her at this time, it will be interesting to see where they go. It’s possible the answer is “as far away from mom as possible”.

  24. Eumaios says:

    “Same room, maybe so, for a while. Same bed?”

    Think about the logistics of night-time nursing. You’ll figure it out.

  25. Eumaios says:

    TMI warning.

    I have an 18 month old who still nurses at night. He has occasionally interrupted our amorous activities by waking up, but mostly we just have to be careful not to bounce him off the bed.

    As for why an 18 month old would still be nursing, I can personally attest to the (sadly controversial) fact that regular nursing delays the return of fertility after childbirth. The woman has to be healthy, however, meaning NOT FAT. When my wife was fat, her fertility quickly returned, no matter how often she fed the babes.

  26. NMH says:

    Horny old weathered women bring this song to my mind:

  27. A Lady says:

    @Eumaios:

    How fat was ‘fat’ with your wife? 20 extra pounds, 50, 100?

  28. Anonymous Reader says:

    “Same room, maybe so, for a while. Same bed?”

    Think about the logistics of night-time nursing. You’ll figure it out.

    Been there. Seen that done. 2 AM feeding works fine with infant in same room but not in same bed. It is quite possible for the mother to extract infant from bassinet, breast feed, change and replace without to much noise or fuss, and father need not worry about rolling over onto child, having child wake up screaming in his ear, etc.

    As a bonus, any diaper blowouts are contained to a small, easily cleaned zone rather than potentially requiring changing the entire bed that someone else is sleeping in (someone who has to get up and go to work the next day…).

    Same room, for a while, no problem. Same bed? Not good.
    Attachment parenting appears to me to be a means to promote divorce.

  29. CSPB says:

    Many women invite children into bed well beyond the end of nursing. I think this is for two reasons, they put the children first and have displaced any affection for the husband. Also this is an excuse for “not tonight.” Whenever a woman puts the children first it is a big step toward divorce. Then the children come last. So I guess the first shall be last.

    Children do best when they know their position in the family. If the Mom is #1, the children are second, you know know that the only thing important about Dad is his wallet and other domestic duties.

  30. A Lady says:

    They sell bed pads of varying sizes for diaper issues in the night (wool ftw), a king size bed covers all and unless you’re obese and/or a drunk, the father is quite unlikely to roll over onto the infant and the mother almost never does. before multiple bedrooms, it was pretty normal for everyone to sleep in the same general area/bed/roll. it doesn’t have to be creepy or weird, it can be just a family sleeping through the night.

    All that said, though, it is definitely true that many women use breastfeeding and bed sharing as tools to cut the husband out of the picture. Certainly anyone wishing to preserve the mother-child bond at its fullest without sidelining the father-child and husband-wife bonds needs to tread carefully when using traditional/ancestral methods of infant/child care and feeding.

    Done right, everyone is happy and healthy and close-knit in a non-creepy way. Done wrong, children are unhealthily attached to mom and sidelined from dad or vice versa. And certainly it’s true that modern attachment parents tend towards the unhealthy ways of doing this historically normal and generally non-damaging stuff.

  31. Butterfly Flower says:

    Attachment Parenting sounds like an extension of that “Look at me! I’m a mother! I’m magical!” feminist attitude.

    Nursing is divine goddess magic; supplementing with formula will transform your infant into a nocturnal troll creature. Pumping the milk and putting it into a bottle ruins the divine goddess magic of the breastfeeding experience [i.e. the husband can't feed the baby].

    All these theories do is cater to a feminist’s ego trip; while simultaneously downplaying the importance of a father. Men can’t breastfeed, and apparently breastfeeding is the single most important thing you can do for your child.

    Ironically, quite a few studies have linked autism to environmental toxins/insufficient vitamin D in breast milk. Breastfeeding longer than 6 months has been linked to the development of severe food allergies.

    Unfortunately all of these scientific studies have been swept under the rug or suspiciously discontinued.

    …you’d think a loving mother would want these links further investigated. Get tested for vitamin D deficiency, or have their hair analyzed for heavy metal toxicity [i.e. the same heavy metal that is in poisonous evil vaccines could be in your breastmilk!]

    Nope. Women completely disregard these studies and blindly say “breast is best”.

    Methinks they don’t care what’s best for their child; they just care about what’s best for their ego. [i.e. "look at me; I'm magical!"]

  32. sean says:

    Actually butterfly feminist don’t like breastfeeding
    It was an a article in MS that totally dissed breadtfeeding & demonized breastfeeding women that was the final straw for me. I couldn’t subscribe to a philosophy that hated motherhood to that extent.

  33. Anonymous says:

    She really gives it away with: “Had I really been yet another one of those women who had given away her identity when she said “I do?” And I don’t mean “I do” to marriage — but rather “I do” to adult responsibility, jobs, children, mortgage, graduate school, paying bills. Where was the me in all of that?” Marriage is drag, maaan! Responsibility and being an adult are oppressive! (Feminist empowerment… or, as Eddie Muprhy put it, “Be a ‘ho!”) So, instead, spin that hamster up, babe…

  34. Badger says:

    “As for why an 18 month old would still be nursing, I can personally attest to the (sadly controversial) fact that regular nursing delays the return of fertility after childbirth. The woman has to be healthy, however, meaning NOT FAT. When my wife was fat, her fertility quickly returned, no matter how often she fed the babes.”

    A friend who is breastfeeding also told me that it’s a key factor in her keeping her figure – “I can’t eat enough to gain weight.”

  35. Anonymous says:

    Uh-oh, I think these guys found Berry’s actual rationalization hamster…

  36. Butterfly Flower says:

    Actually butterfly feminist don’t like breastfeeding
    It was an a article in MS that totally dissed breastfeeding & demonized breastfeeding women that was the final straw for me. I couldn’t subscribe to a philosophy that hated motherhood to that extent.

    Maybe years ago; now the new feminist thing to do is shaming mothers who can’t breastfeed or mothers who breastfeed “the wrong way” [i.e. pumping it into a bottle].

    There’s all these new books out now claiming breastfeeding is some magical experience that bonds the child to the mother. This special bond will positively effect the child later on in life. It’s not the breastmilk itself that is the best, it’s the baby sucking on the nipple; the contact with the mother.

    While I believe feeding your infant is a special bonding experience, I don’t understand why they insist the [safe plastic] bottle will somehow harm the child. What these books are really saying is: “Bonding with the father doesn’t matter. Yay female magic!”

    Just feed your baby; don’t go around acting like you’re a wizard.

  37. Paige says:

    I always fell asleep when nursing…so the baby ended up sleeping with us regardless of it was the intention.

    Skin-to-skin contact is really good for bonding and the babies brain development. My husband use to sleep with the baby on him.

    Also- Breastfeeding releases oxytocin which is a bonding hormone so they are right that it helps the bonding process. I can say from personal experience (I have done bottle and breast) that breast creates a significantly more intense bond (to the point that separation is actually very difficult to bare).

    Last I heard a combination of formula and breastfeeding was considered most protective against autism. You can’t duplicate the antibodies in breastmilk so just discouraging breastfeeding would result in enhancing the risk of other diseases.

    I think Butterfly is missing the mark on this one. I am not holding up AP parents as saints, but to suggest that it is all just a feminist goddess cult meant to deify motherhood and has no roots in science is really unfair.

    Also- AP parenting is HARD work, so parents do a lot of advocacy just to encourage mothers to keep at it. They may do a bit of ego-puffing but it isn’t the whole purpose of AP..its just a method of advocacy.

  38. Butterfly Flower says:

    Ten minutes on Google – look what I found!

    http://custommademilk.wordpress.com/2009/02/26/babies-bottles-daddy-bonding-breastfeeding/

    An AP mom explaining how nothing her husband will do can equal the awesomeness of her breastfeeding power (a father calls her out on it in the comments section but he gets slammed by the other commenters). A husband should never have to ask his wife to pump breast milk; it ruins the “bonding magic experience”.

    @Paige:

    The only Attachment Parenting literature I come across seems to be promoting a thinly veiled pagan goddess cult. No scientific facts are mentioned (in fact I just Googled the Oxytocin thing you mentioned because I never heard about it before). You’d think they’d embrace scientific facts that back up their “magic bonding” claim. They don’t. I am a young sensible Catholic woman; I tend to steer away from theories based on pagan goddess magic.

    I didn’t mean to misinterpret the entire movement; I’m sure there’s scientific facts to back the claims; it’s just many people disregard these facts and pretend it’s “magic”.

    …I need to stop going to bookstores that cater to Hipsters. A generation raised on Harry Potter has led to magic being indiscriminately inserted into all genres of literature; even non-fiction. Even recipe books spout New Age nonsense.

  39. A Lady says:

    Breastfeeding is totally acceptably Catholic. google ‘ecological breastfeeding’, so you have some background from fellow Catholics about why not messing about with bottles is a good way to go when feeding infants. The motivations are grounded in theology and Catholic precepts.

    Anyway the boob is made by God to feed kids as one of its major functions, so I find the modern sneering at that by ‘sensible’ types as dirty or unclean really problematic. Dad can bond with baby a lot of ways. It is not essential that a father feed an infant.

    Anyway this gets points for being a pretty sweet derailment from the post’s topic!

  40. Butterfly Flower says:

    @A Lady:

    I never said breastfeeding was dirty or unclean. Nor did I ever claim it didn’t fit in with Catholic beliefs.

    I just said I was disturbed by the recent trend of women running around and claiming breastfeeding is divine motherhood magic. This divine motherhood magic automatically makes them the better parent; their husband’s efforts to bond with the baby pales in comparison to their divine motherhood magic.

    …they took scientific facts and created an ego trip goddess cult.

    Telling a father his parenting skills are inferior because he is not a woman just sounds malicious. If a mother really loved her child’s father, would she tell him that?

  41. John says:

    Hello Dalrock,

    I recently discovered your site while searching the net about frivolous divorce and I think it is great you are trying to educate people about the realities of divorce in America. I went through a divorce two years ago, although I did nothing “wrong” so to speak, but rather because my wife was bored. Under my questioning, she said there was nothing I could have done to have prevented the divorce, which I believe to be true. I was not really lacking “game” (hadn’t heard of the term until recently, but I was manly and attractive), but she was very tired of the routine and banalities of married life, and wanted to, in her words, “find herself”, whatever that means.

    As is typical, she did very well in the divorce and got the house, car, most of our assets (she cleaned out our bank accounts and savings and stripped the house bare while I was on a camping trip with a friend which she encouraged me to take – I should have been suspicious as it was the first time she had ever wanted me to do something like that, but I was overjoyed, and of course, completely taken by surprise when I returned to a house empty save for the divorce papers; I was never able to recover any of the things she took preemptively), full custody of both children, alimony until remarriage, and I got a disproportionate amount of debt and had to pay for the entire divorce, both lawyers. I have very restrictive visitation, usually I only get to see my children two days per month. I knew women usually were favored in divorce, but had no idea how unjust it was until it happened to me. In addition, I was completely blindsided. She was still very affectionate and sex had not dropped off at all. I never saw it coming.

    I am a traditional Christian man, and had always looked forward to fatherhood and raising my children. In fact, I would say having a family was my dream ever since I was little (I never felt “defined” by my career or that it was anything other than a means to an end, but I am not a CEO or doctor). Now I am watching my children grow up in fast-forward, without any say in how they are raised. I have missed all of the birthdays and Christmases (and other holidays) for the past two years, not by choice. It is truly devastating to spend a month not hearing my children’s voice, or even touching them (let alone any human being) for weeks at a time, to say nothing of losing (who I thought to be) my soulmate after 15 years of marriage.

    What is the most painful realization is that I have lost my future. I make $70,000 a year, but have to live on $15,000 after the payments (which I pay the taxes for, can you believe it? – I am in the $70,000 bracket!). I went from a decent house to a $500/month apartment in a bad part of town, and now live alone. I realize that I am becoming estranged from my children (I don’t really know anything about them) and my wife tries to make visitation difficult for me – it is awkward for her to arrange and for her new lover to deal with. I tried to be just a “fun dad”, who takes the kids out for a day of fun and doesn’t really “parent” besides providing paychecks and phone calls, but that is becoming difficult. Having a family is still my deepest longing in life, and I am so lonely, but I am unable to move on financially and start a new family with another woman (I am attractive enough and have the personality to get women quite a bit younger than me), because no woman wants a man that keeps $15,000 a year and goes deeper in debt every month to make ends meet. I could never support a family. I really see no hope of getting out of this vicious cycle – by the time all the payments stop I will be in my 50’s and I will have missed my opportunity, and be forced to live alone until I die. I can’t even have the dignity of a retirement, because my wife took half of my retirement fund which I had been contributing to since I was 22, and now I am so far in the red I have been forced to withdraw rather than contribute under severe penalties in order to make ends meet.

    I have come to terms with the fact that this story can’t possibly have a happy ending, and my life is so far removed from what I envisioned and planned it would be like during my youth that it is unbelievable. I feel like a fool for having done everything “right”, because it ultimately made no difference in my happiness and fulfillment.

    I wanted to thank you for being a force promoting honoring commitments and discouraging divorce, because it seems like a rare opinion to take in today’s society. You are helping the community by performing this service. I decided to relate my tale here for much the same purpose – if someone reads this and is able think more critically about what the legal implications of marriage are for men and be more cautious it will have served its purpose – I know as for myself I was really too overjoyed to be spending the rest of my life (ha ha) with the woman I loved to really understand what I was getting myself into, in addition to being ignorant and naive about the realities of divorce. If I had to do it all over again I would rather have remained single. It is truly better not to have known paternal and marital love than to have felt it and had it ripped away, regardless of what that folk wisdom quote says about loving and losing.

    Please men, think very critically about what you are getting into. The laws are equal, but in court it won’t come out that way. If you must get married for religious and idealistic reasons, as I did, I would encourage you to have a ceremony but DON’T SIGN THE PIECE OF PAPER, WHATEVER YOU DO. I had the perfect woman, not a golddigger or bitch at all, but she changed her mind over a decade later. Choosing the right woman won’t save you from being hurt in ways you didn’t even imagine you could be hurt.

    Once again, thank you Dalrock. Your Christian traditionalist viewpoint is much needed.

  42. Doug1 says:

    John–

    You have to pay alimony on top of child support? That’s really rough. Also her attorney’s fees should have come out of her property settlement.

    What’s the state?

    I strongly urge anyone marrying to require a prenup that mimics living together in the event of a divorce. It can’t effect child support=also stealth alimony, but it can nix alimony and divide property proportional to who earned it.

  43. Doug1 says:

    John–

    And no the laws aren’t fair to men either, it’s not just family court. The formula child support=also stealth alimony should be assessed on after tax income, not pretax. The lawmakers know damn well it’s men that almost entirely pay it. On the rare occasions when women don’t get child custody they often don’t pay child support=also alimony because of the problems that lead to their not getting custody. Alimony is an outrage in this day and age. In 2007 men paid 97% of alimony.

    Before about 1970 depending on the state, there was no splitting of assets in two.

  44. Paige says:

    John- I am so sorry for everything you have been through.

    I strongly encourage you to not give up. See if you can find a pro-bono lawyer to take your case. Some lawyers have a passion for mens rights. Fight for joint-custody. If you get it you can be a parent to your kids again and the child-support payments stop.

    Also- Don’t let your finances discourage you from dating. Some women make enough of their own money that they don’t need a provider. IE My sister makes 3x as much as her fiance.

  45. CSPB says:

    John, you are not unique. My story is a bit worse. Comon sense, reality and facts do not matter in the least in determination of the outcome. The “best interests of the children is a farce” and it is more about not causing any bad feelings in the woman.

  46. Elizabeth Smith says:

    “If you must get married for religious and idealistic reasons, as I did, I would encourage you to have a ceremony but DON’T SIGN THE PIECE OF PAPER, WHATEVER YOU DO. I had the perfect woman, not a golddigger or bitch at all, but she changed her mind over a decade later. Choosing the right woman won’t save you from being hurt in ways you didn’t even imagine you could be hurt.”

    I agree. I’m a young Christian woman who goes around a lot of far-right websites and I think the best advice to say to a lot of religious girls would be “Renounce the current system. It is a liberal system and not supportive nor representative of traditional conservatism at all. Religious ceremonies only or a declaration of marriage from a church only.”

    I mean we have the homeschooling movement and Christians renouncing schools and colleges because it’s rife with anti-conservative values plus other things which Christians reject of the broader culture (e.g. not watching certain movies or shows) so why not create Christian communities where liberal marriage is rejected?

  47. Stephenie Rowling says:

    John
    I’m really sorry about what happened to you. Follow Paige advice and try to find a good pro-bono lawyer that helps you to get more custody for your children and a better money deal.
    My prayers for you.

  48. jlw says:

    “old and alone; that’s not a life to aspire for!”

    It is if you like being alone. Really like it. Not just the sour grapes version of liking to be alone.

  49. dgm says:

    38? She looks more like 58.

    Stil, I wish her good luck and all the best.

  50. meme says:

    I agree about really liking being alone. I have only felt what I can only guess is “loneliness” once in my life. I’m an extreme introvert and can’t imagine living with someone besides my sister (maybe). I’m not making this shit up. Read up on introversion to understand what I’m talking about.

  51. krakonos says:

    @John

    I do not see any alternative but stop living in America. Go abroad, maybe you will have to leave like refugees from dictatorship countries do (illegally). The only chance is to start your life somewhere far away where the US jurisdiction cannot reach to. You will not be able to see your children again but it will probably happen even if you stay where you are.
    If you will not do it, you contribute towards perpetuating current state of affairs (which destroys many other men’s lifes).

  52. Bike Bubba says:

    You know, a lot of us will need to wake up next to a woman who looks like that if our marriages last long enough. That said, she looks a touch older than 48, IMO, as if the divorce, and resulting lifestyle, had aged her a bit.

    Moreover, the big kick-off for her lack of desire for her husband was a cold comment regarding her weight by her husband. OK, that’s not grounds for divorce, but in a marriage when she viewed herself as largely autonomous from him to begin with, it was enough. Read the article carefully; it makes very clear that what a man has to fear is not marriage, but having an incredibly self-centered self and wife.

    Put differently, if the relationship ain’t about “us,” it ain’t.

    Regarding breastfeeding, the Couple to Couple League, La Leche League, and others all favor it. I’ve never heard of a connection of long term breastfeeding and a lack of vitamin D to autism–that ought to be groundbreaking if true.

    That said, what about getting the baby outside once in a while to get some sun–Vitamin D is created when sunlight hits cholesterol in the skin. The enrichment of formula only helps so much, really.

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  56. Paul Murray says:

    There is only one question worth asking: does she buy this 24-year-old a succession of little presents? $200 shirts? Jewelry? Has she bought him a car?

  57. Throbbing Gristle says:

    And she ‘teaches writing’. God help us.

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  61. Elk Haven says:

    As someone who has met Lorraine Berry multiple times, I have to say what a horror it is to see her treated this way. So many read their own personal vague and diffuse anger into a situation without the slightest knowledge of the person herself. She’s a nice person, and very smart. She has a natural sexuality that comes across in person. But some people just need someone to hate, without the slightest regard for the truth.

  62. Foreigner says:

    Well she could have become a whore instead of stealing from her husband and damaging her daughters. Would have been morally far better as she would have only damaged herself expressing her natural sexuality.

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  64. Sarah says:

    Crazy woman… Almost sounds like a made up story. … Why oh why are women flattered by younger men? I am 39 and find younger men with older women disgusting.. Young guys are dirty, it’s not their fault but it’s up to the woman to discourage their advances. Once upon a time, only grade A old bags went with young men but now it’s considered normal. In fact it is encouraged. Do these women really feel validated by the attentions of younger men? Don’t they realise that they are just using them for sex?????

    I only see one picture of this woman and I think the weight loss has caused wrinklage. It’s very difficult to get your pre fat form back. Don’t gain weight. …

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